Would this put you off seeing him again?

🗣ne-nah ! ne-nah ! Booty call alert! (And not very original either)

I personally wouldn't go but it's your choice.....

I agree. I would know within the first few minutes of meeting someone if I wanted to have sex with them or not (it’s 99.9% not)

I don’t think I have to wait a certain number of dates for it to be ok, it’s always ok.

(If both are free and single and hurting nobody)

The fact he invited you round his house? To me that's normal.
Or because you'll be drunk and he won't?
Or because you feel it's going to lead to sex that you're not yet ready for?
If it's the latter then that's understandable. But if you do actually want to go out with him then surely going to eachothers homes is the next step. Then potential sex, but not unless you feel like it.
Basically I don't see much wrong with the situation personally.

Lol

Oh, I think she’s absolutely right not to beetle over to his and have sex on the night in question, when it doesn’t suit her.

I’m just saying that I (when single) used to want to sleep with people early on to ensure I wasn’t falling for someone with no compatibility. It’s not necessarily a ‘dastardly man trying it on’ thing.

@Pninnette If you want to 'audition for sexual compatibility' that's no problem, but lots of people (particularly women) don't do that, they want get to know someone properly before deciding whether or not they want to have sex. Lots of people don't compartmentalise the physical and emotional sides of sex, and I don't think that they should be 'actively pushed' into sex that they aren't ready for. Maybe they want to be in a relationship first, and that should be fine too.

I'm not saying that OP isn't ready, maybe she is, but she said, 'it's going quite well', which indicates that she's still making her mind up, rather than she's red hot for him.

After four decent dates, I’m actively pushing for sex, because I’m auditioning for sexual compatibility. Nothing worse than falling for someone and discovering you’re incompatible (or they’re awful) in bed.

But if I were on a night out with my friends, I wouldn’t be curtailing it regardless. Sex can happen at another time, that suits me.

I wouldn't go round to a sober person's house for any sort of date if I'd been drinking all afternoon because I find the gulf in mental states quite jarring (whichever side I'm on).

It wouldn't put me off in general because - unlike most people on this thread, strangely - I don't feel offended by the idea that a man I'm dating wants to have sex with me. Would you all rather your dates didn't want to touch you?!

It's up to OP when she wants to have sex, but most women I know would not be happy to have sex with someone they've met 4 times. They are still in the getting to know eachother stage. That does not mean that OP has decided that she doesn't want to have sex with him ever!

I think he's already being a bit pushy. OP has made it clear that she's busy and he hasn't taken the hint a dropped it. If he was really that keen to spend time together then could suggest that they do something on Sunday afternoon. They can easily 'watch a film' together another weekend.

Some people go for drinks and don’t get drunk. (Not me) 😁So maybe he thinks she is one of those people.

I genuinely don’t see the problem with him inviting her over. Unless she doesn’t actually want to have sex with him at all and thinks she might be vulnerable to making an error of judgment. Is that what thy issue is?

Don’t go round after drinking. Do it another night. If he asks again after you have said no this would put me off.

Yeh that would put me off. He wants you to go and shag him when you’re pissed after a night out and he’s sober. Which is a bit desperate and off putting really.

That's down to personal preference though, when people first have sex. I don't think there's anything wrong with him asking but it would be a red flag if he keeps begging the OP to go round after she'd said no.

no it wouldnt
but it would sober me up

Presumably you would be going out with your friends until late, so going on to his at a late hour suggests he's looking for you to go to bed with him.

I would get quite a few more dates under your belt before getting intimate with him.

Exactly. Last guy I dated invited me to his house for dinner. We both knew it would mean sex, but he at least cooked me dinner and when I drank the second glass of wine (I drove over) he did say I could sleep in another bed if not comfortable (I declined that offer of course)! I might have agreed to go to watch a film as I was very keen for things to progress but far better to be invited for dinner.

I think at this stage I'd be more impressed if he was offering dinner rather just "watching a film". Obviously that's not going to happen if you've been out with friends.

This is exactly how I interpreted this. He asked if you wanted to come over before you mentioned you had plans, and he said only if you feel comfortable, you said no you are on a night out, he said come after.

If you said no after this and he still persisted, then yes I would be starting to think this dude is horny and trying it on ( personally I would just straight up ask if he was after a leg over or genuinely wanted to chill and spend time with me without the pressure of sex) if he wasn’t persistent then I’d think nothing of it. I don’t see anything wrong in suggesting it, it’s about how he responded after you said no you won’t be coming round after your night out.

I think I must be missing some key information as this all sounds like normal stuff to me. What’s the problem exactly?

Put who off? You or him? Personally it would depend on the connection and conversations you have had with the guy. I like ending the day cosy with a date, after a day out. It shows you are both comfortable with each other. If it leads to intimacy and you both want it, then that's fine too. But its hard to say anything, as we don't have the context of your relationship.

Exactly. Fine to suggest it. But not ok to be pushy about it.

Do you want sex with him on Saturday? Wouldn't necessarily put me off him, he suggested it before you told him you had plans. If he persists when/if you say no then it would.

Yeah. Just do it another time when you are both on the same page drinkwise. You are out with your mates - just be out with them. Then be out (or in) with him soon. It might not be a "booty call" as OP refer to it, but there is an unequal balance if you have not shared a journey, and one of you is drunker than the other. I'd resist. You have plenty of time if he is a nice guy. HTH x

What film ?

Yes. Why would you want to go over and 'watch a film' after a night out drinking? He's obviously after a shag.

Whenever you decide to do it, it should be a natural progression after spending quality time together, and when you both want it. This is him arranging a set up as a ploy to get you into bed. Gross and deeply unsexy imo.