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Original poster

Were you happier single? Fed up with lazy partner

64 replies

Skyscrapper · 02/01/2025 21:09

I have been living with my partner for just over 4 years now. At the beginning of the relationship he was quite helpful with housework. He would see me cleaning etc and he would join in-happy life. Fast forward one year, I had to ask him for help with housework- this would result in him moaning and saying I was taking his day off away from him, that he needed to rest, not a child to be told what to do , that I have OCD etc etc . I have pointed out many times that we are both FT workers and we BOTH need to rest but his selfishness is blinding; will always find a way of turning the argument against me labelling me as a moaner and the selfish one.

Fast forward 4 years, argument after argument over this as I became less tolerant of it, he will wash the dishes after eating and change the odd bulb...will cook sometimes and wants praise each time he does it. He does not see a relationship as a partnership and I think that's where the problem starts. I can tell he is confused as to the little work he does should be seen as a BIG help, a favor he does to me whereas I think it's only 10% of the work to be done...I don't get any praise for the 90% I do day in and day out. There is an imbalance in how the roles for each person are perceived in the relationship but it is pointless as he won't acknowledged it. He mentions that the previous generation of women were " the real women" and didn't moan.

As much as I don't like to be by myself and need company in my life, this situation is taking my peace away. I find myself having sleepless nights over this as I am so annoyed at his laziness. I now leave his washing for him to do which he called me selfish for; I cook what I want, which he called selfish for; and I am cleaning less which I hate as I cannot cope with a dirty house; he would live in a zoo and wouldn't notice.
I am slowly detaching (85% I would say) from this relationship. I had more rest and was happier single....even looked younger. Anyone in similar situation? Were you happier single?

OP posts:
Nocd39 · 02/01/2025 23:24

I’m sorry OP that sounds rubbish. I don’t have any advice but can’t stand people who bandy about saying they/someone else has OCD just because they are tidy. No-it’s a serious MH problem. For that alone, he’s horrible!

JHound · 02/01/2025 23:21

I should having finished the post before responding:

He mentions that the previous generation of women were " the real women" and didn't moan.

I would have ended it there.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/01/2025 23:20

Crikey. I responded after your thread title. I was talking about being happier single EVEN WHEN the guy is ok. Then I read your op. You will definitely be happier single than with this horror of a man. He sounds awful.

JHound · 02/01/2025 23:19

I think people’s response to this will depend on the quality of their relationships!

I am happier single as I don’t think I have the emotional energy to date.

But somebody in a very supportive relationship would think very differently.

I never get people who would prefer a poor quality partnership to being single though. It’s very odd to me but each to their own.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/01/2025 23:17

I'm absolutely blown away by how much happier single I am.
I've been in short, medium and long relationships.
They're always the best at the beginning so now im doing single plus one little one every time I get the, um, urge.

unsync · 02/01/2025 23:16

I am much happier single. I choose happiness and a simple, drama free life.

Gogogo12345 · 02/01/2025 22:58

Dappy777 · 02/01/2025 21:48

I've got a feeling that, deep down, most people would prefer to be single. I mean, they'd prefer their own space, with the freedom to sprawl out on the sofa or bed, eat like a pig, not have to worry about someone else's moods and emotional baggage, etc. Living with another person is hard beyond words. It's also unnatural. Sex and love are natural, but being cooped up in a small brick box day in day out, sharing a toilet and TV and kitchen sink with someone totally unrelated to you...that isn't. Problem is, most of us also want intimacy and love and companionship. There is no solution.

Show quote history

Lol well there is a solution. Living apart but spending time together. You then have your own place to chill and relax etc but get together when you want for company and sex.

It's the way my current relationship has worked for the last 8 years

PumpkinScarf · 02/01/2025 22:05

What is he adding to your life?

AlertCat · 02/01/2025 22:02

Not in my relationship now, but after previous ones my workload massively reduced after splitting up. The men seemed to be net producers of mess and work! Loved living alone, would not be scared to go back to it. LTB- it sounds as if he doesn’t respect you at all- and good luck to you!

Dappy777 · 02/01/2025 21:48

lifebyfaith · 02/01/2025 21:17

I'm much happier single than I was in any of the relationships I've been in. The flipside is I feel lonely at times but overall the peace is well worth it. I would never be with anyone who made life miserable for me. Life's too short.

I've got a feeling that, deep down, most people would prefer to be single. I mean, they'd prefer their own space, with the freedom to sprawl out on the sofa or bed, eat like a pig, not have to worry about someone else's moods and emotional baggage, etc. Living with another person is hard beyond words. It's also unnatural. Sex and love are natural, but being cooped up in a small brick box day in day out, sharing a toilet and TV and kitchen sink with someone totally unrelated to you...that isn't. Problem is, most of us also want intimacy and love and companionship. There is no solution.

Summerhillsquare · 02/01/2025 21:45

Sounds like you and @Dunnoburt need to do a Thelma and Louise and disappear into the sunset away from these utter morons. Can't promise Brad Pitt but you will have happier freer lives.

echt · 02/01/2025 21:25

I've only lived with one man and we had an excellent division of labour so not easy to say what I would have put up with. I'm widowed now but cannot imagine bearing with that shite. It's the preening, self-congratulatory attitude of the DP that sticks in the craw.

Sorry, OP, not answering your question: he's dreadful. Bin him off. He's not worth your peace of mind.

Dunnoburt · 02/01/2025 21:22

Yanbu......I'm secretly writing in red pen on my 2025 calendar the derogatory shit that gets spouted at me on a daily basis......today we only have two...."fuck off" and "you speak a load of shit you do"......its all evidence.....ltb now.....I was in your position a decade ago.....trust me, it only gets worse....this year, 2025 will be my year!

lifebyfaith · 02/01/2025 21:17

I'm much happier single than I was in any of the relationships I've been in. The flipside is I feel lonely at times but overall the peace is well worth it. I would never be with anyone who made life miserable for me. Life's too short.

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