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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that sorry should take responsibility

39 replies

ditzzy · 02/01/2025 18:01

Ok, relatively minor incident but DH put his chair on DD’s (5), toe at dinner time when she was sneaking behind his chair to go and get something and he unexpectedly moved his chair back at the same time.

He looked horrified, but is saying “I’m sorry your toe got squished” rather than “I’m sorry I squished your toe”.

Is it just me or is this a really annoying lack of taking responsibility?

Toe appears to be fine. DH has also told her off for not wearing slippers; to which her retort is that she is wearing socks (only put on after stubbing her bare toes earlier).

He has also given her lots of cuddles to try to make it better. But the phrasing just really annoys me. AIBU?

OP posts:
BMW6 · 02/01/2025 18:09

How about He didn't squash her toe, your daughter put her toe under the chair!?

Otherwise known as an Accident and he bears absolutely no responsibility for it anymore than she does

SallyWD · 02/01/2025 18:09

bunnypenny · 02/01/2025 18:06

But why should he take responsibility for something that was a complete accident? He didn’t mean to squash her toe, she was sneaking around and as you said it wasn’t intentional. I am guessing this is part of a deeper issue.

Exactly. Stop nit picking OP. He didn't do anything wrong.

Movingbutstandingstill · 02/01/2025 18:08

I agree with your DH wording, if they hadn’t been sneaking around it wouldn’t have happened. Him apologising means he is at fault but he wasn’t really it’s DD fault

Nerdlings · 02/01/2025 18:08

What do you think he did wrong that he should apologise for?

2025HereICome · 02/01/2025 18:07

I think the phrasing he's used is correct actually. Her toe got squished... he didn't squish her toe. He didn't even know she was there and all he did was move his chair back. His phrasing is pretty bang on imo. Why are you being so pedantic about it?

PeppyGreenFinch · 02/01/2025 18:07

YABU.

“I’m sorry your toe got squished” is fine for an accident, he didn’t know she was going to run behind him.

“I’m sorry I squished your toe” would be if he did it deliberately (which he wouldn’t anyway I hope).

bunnypenny · 02/01/2025 18:06

But why should he take responsibility for something that was a complete accident? He didn’t mean to squash her toe, she was sneaking around and as you said it wasn’t intentional. I am guessing this is part of a deeper issue.

Seawolves · 02/01/2025 18:06

If she hadn't been sneaking behind his chair her toe wouldn't have got squashed, I think the apology is absolutely fine in the circumstances.

Ginkypig · 02/01/2025 18:06

I think it depends if that’s an issue every time or if it’s a one off.

TangerineClementine · 02/01/2025 18:06

I think his wording accurately reflects the fact that he didn't really do anything wrong.

Original poster
ditzzy · 02/01/2025 18:05

Don’t worry, I’m not starting a fight with him about it, it just bugged me so I thought I’d check level of pedantic-ness

OP posts:
heroinechic · 02/01/2025 18:04

I think it's unnecessarily pedantic especially in circumstances like these where he isn't at fault.

username299 · 02/01/2025 18:04

He didn't do it on purpose, he apologised, has hugged her and advised her to wear slippers. Let it go.

comedycentral · 02/01/2025 18:03

Sounds like clumsy phrasing more than anything. He looked horrified and gave her a cuddle; I'd personally think that's the end of the matter.