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No contact from gf over Christmas until post with another guy

58 replies

EagerRubyCrow · 02/01/2025 17:16

Hi just had a pretty awful Christmas from my own point of view. my girlfriend was at her parents for or Christmas. we often communicate via emails or posts on social media. first thing Christmas morning I post a Happy Christmas to her I received nothing back. I know she was going to her parents, life's quite difficult with them so I can imagine if she was ridiculously busy looking after them preparing dinner a may not have had much time but the days went on and four or five days later still I'd heard nothing. the next time i saw anything of her online she was out with a guy I didn't know in a photo in his post. I looked through some of his public posts I could see that they spent more time together a couple of days before, not romantically, and through most of Christmas and Christmas Day had been interacting on social media just small comments and likes and hearts. I brought this up with her the other day about how upsetting it was not to receive something from her and the fact that the first thing i saw of her over xmas was her with someone else. She roundly had a go at me saying why do I have a problem with her being with a friend and his kids. I asked directly if something was going on. I'm pretty sure there isn't. I told her how I felt irrelevant and she had a massive go at me about how hard her life is, and it is, but I still feel so diminished that I've been made to feel that I am wrong. She can't seem to understand why I'm upset. At the very least it would be nice if she'd laughed off the suggestion that she was upto something and called me a prat and made light of it. But simply no acknowledgement or understanding of why I may be unhappy. It's like I'm not allowed feelings myself because she is having a hard time.
I can't think of any other couple who wouldn't also be upset about being ignored by their partner on Christmas Day Like This and then subsequently seen them out with another unknown person? I think she's highly offended that I saw all these interactions between her and this other guy and that I'm in the wrong for prying into them. I don't really know how to re establish contact. Should I expect an apology or best not bring it up?

OP posts:
KezzaMucklowe · 02/01/2025 20:59

Omg op.
Please don't trust this woman.
This is all so very odd.

EagerRubyCrow · 02/01/2025 20:53

kittensinthekitchen · 02/01/2025 20:35

Hold on....

Is this the same girlfriend that you are planning to give (or have given) money to?

Main residence care assessment | Mumsnet

EagerRubyCrow · 20/06/2024 16:52
I'm disabled and live with my mother in her home. I will live here indefinitely, after she's passed, but I will never own the property.
I receive a care package from social services.
I want to help my partner buy a home with some money another family member is willing to give for my benefit.
So this money won't come to me it would go toward the deposit but I would then most likely own 20% of that house. I can't work out if this would be counted in my care finance assessments as it would be the only home I have some legal ownership of but I wouldn't be there permanently?
They say they include the value of your main residence, I don't have one...

It is.

OP posts:
kittensinthekitchen · 02/01/2025 20:35

Hold on....

Is this the same girlfriend that you are planning to give (or have given) money to?

Main residence care assessment | Mumsnet

EagerRubyCrow · 20/06/2024 16:52
I'm disabled and live with my mother in her home. I will live here indefinitely, after she's passed, but I will never own the property.
I receive a care package from social services.
I want to help my partner buy a home with some money another family member is willing to give for my benefit.
So this money won't come to me it would go toward the deposit but I would then most likely own 20% of that house. I can't work out if this would be counted in my care finance assessments as it would be the only home I have some legal ownership of but I wouldn't be there permanently?
They say they include the value of your main residence, I don't have one...

Main residence care assessment | Mumsnet

I'm disabled and live with my mother in her home. I will live here indefinitely, after she's passed, but I will never own the property. I receive a ca...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/money-matters/5101333-main-residence-care-assessment

kittensinthekitchen · 02/01/2025 20:25

EagerRubyCrow · 02/01/2025 19:45

Sorry, she wasn't staying away 5 days. Her parents are close.

So she lives close enough to her parents, but too far to see you?

Have you ever actually met her?

HVPRN · 02/01/2025 20:24

If you were my son, I would make sure you leave her. I'm sorry dear, this one is not your forever person.

It is your choice, you know her and your situation best, however seeing a friend over you over Christmas, in my opinion is an answer in itself.

merryhouse · 02/01/2025 20:19

She's not making you happy. You have nothing to tie you together. Just end it.

You don't owe her your boyfriendness just because she has a shit life. You're not obliged to do anything. She has family and friends for support, and she has a job

VisitationRights · 02/01/2025 20:18

I don’t think you are unreasonable but I also don’t think you are in a real relationship either.

SnackQueen · 02/01/2025 19:55

Sorry but it sounds like she's using you.

EagerRubyCrow · 02/01/2025 19:51

I know it's not brilliant but she's so stressed and struggling with everything going on in her life I feel like I just have be supportive and cause no more grief.

OP posts:
SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 02/01/2025 19:48

Pamosonic · 02/01/2025 19:46

I would steer well clear of this woman if I were you.

Me too. She doesn’t treat you well and is living with her ex for no good reason, it seems. But

Pamosonic · 02/01/2025 19:46

I would steer well clear of this woman if I were you.

EagerRubyCrow · 02/01/2025 19:45

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 02/01/2025 19:42

But you said away 5 days at Christmas? If she’s staying for the money that’s not the same thing as planning to escape an abuser.

Sorry, she wasn't staying away 5 days. Her parents are close.

OP posts:
SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 02/01/2025 19:42

EagerRubyCrow · 02/01/2025 19:40

  1. Money
  1. She doesn't go away for days. Goes out and back home same days.
Edited

But you said away 5 days at Christmas? If she’s staying for the money that’s not the same thing as planning to escape an abuser.

EagerRubyCrow · 02/01/2025 19:42

AyrnotAir · 02/01/2025 19:40

Why would you still need to communicate via email or social media when she wasn't even with the ex and was at her parents over Xmas. Have you met her friends and family? Do you live near each other and go out and about together?

He sometimes gets invited to Xmas still to keep the peace. It's sh!t, bizarre, I know

OP posts:
Idontjetwashthefucker · 02/01/2025 19:41

How many times have you actually seen each other?

AyrnotAir · 02/01/2025 19:40

Why would you still need to communicate via email or social media when she wasn't even with the ex and was at her parents over Xmas. Have you met her friends and family? Do you live near each other and go out and about together?

EagerRubyCrow · 02/01/2025 19:40

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 02/01/2025 19:37

Sorry OP but this doesn’t add up. Why is it taking so long to leave her ex if they are platonically sharing a home? How come she’s able to go away for days at a time and appear on SM with someone else if he is dangerously controlling?

  1. Money
  1. She doesn't go away for days. Goes out and back home same days.
OP posts:
EagerRubyCrow · 02/01/2025 19:39

justasking111 · 02/01/2025 19:34

She escaped long enough to get out and about and be posted all over social media though.

I mean escape permanently. She can leave the flat, go to work etc, visit some friends (except me due to ex behaviour). He previously suspected I was involved and we don't want him coming round causing problems.

OP posts:
SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 02/01/2025 19:37

Sorry OP but this doesn’t add up. Why is it taking so long to leave her ex if they are platonically sharing a home? How come she’s able to go away for days at a time and appear on SM with someone else if he is dangerously controlling?

Combattingthemoaners · 02/01/2025 19:35

Seems legit.

justasking111 · 02/01/2025 19:34

EagerRubyCrow · 02/01/2025 19:27

I know it does sound odd. But the way things are at the moment is to get her through a few months until she can escape.

She escaped long enough to get out and about and be posted all over social media though.

EagerRubyCrow · 02/01/2025 19:33

Barrenfieldoffucks · 02/01/2025 19:29

Yet she isn't afraid to have photos etc up online with someone else? 🤔

You've only been seeing each other a year, it isn't worth this stress.

I actually saw them before she knew they were up. I warned her and she got other guy to remove them (and thanked me for it).

OP posts:
Barrenfieldoffucks · 02/01/2025 19:29

Yet she isn't afraid to have photos etc up online with someone else? 🤔

You've only been seeing each other a year, it isn't worth this stress.

EagerRubyCrow · 02/01/2025 19:29

No33 · 02/01/2025 19:27

I'm sorry, but I don't think she is your gf. You're an affair at the very most.

That's a bit unfair. It's hard for some people to escape domestic abuse. She's not been involved with the ex for a few years. Just live in same flat.

OP posts:
EagerRubyCrow · 02/01/2025 19:27

BlueMum16 · 02/01/2025 19:24

This relationship gets stranger and stranger.

I know it does sound odd. But the way things are at the moment is to get her through a few months until she can escape.

OP posts:
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