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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is strange from my neighbour?

470 replies

Pekitothebunny · 02/01/2025 10:43

This morning I woke up to a pack of Christmas cards that have been posted through my door. They are new Christmas cards, still sealed within their pack, unused. A note came with it saying “hi, it’s Janet from number 5. I bought these for you to send out to the neighbours next year”

Huh? Why would anyone do that? She’s isn’t my direct neighbour, she’s like 4 houses down. We don’t speak or have any kind of relationship. However, since we moved in a few years ago she has always sent us a Christmas card, and I assume she sends them to everyone on the street. We don’t bother with Christmas cards and never send them out. Could it be that she’s offended that we never send cards so this is her not so subtle way of hinting that she will be expecting a card from us in 2025?? Why would anyone care so much?

Im planning on just throwing the cards away and ignoring it. Would anyone else find this weird?

OP posts:
Pekitothebunny · 02/01/2025 11:13

TappyGilmore · 02/01/2025 11:09

This is extremely odd behaviour, she doesn’t even know your first name and yet she expects a Christmas card?!

I would just totally ignore. Get rid of the cards however you like - donate, bin, or gift to someone who will use them - but ignore. I wouldn’t go to the effort of giving them back to her with a note.

Also I don’t like the assumption from her that everyone celebrates Christmas. Obviously she should feel free to send a card without knowing if you celebrate, but she shouldn’t expect one back for that reason. (Maybe you have decorations or something that are visible from the street?)

That’s a good point, I actually haven’t ever had Xmas decorations outside or in the window. She must just assume

OP posts:
TappyGilmore · 02/01/2025 11:09

This is extremely odd behaviour, she doesn’t even know your first name and yet she expects a Christmas card?!

I would just totally ignore. Get rid of the cards however you like - donate, bin, or gift to someone who will use them - but ignore. I wouldn’t go to the effort of giving them back to her with a note.

Also I don’t like the assumption from her that everyone celebrates Christmas. Obviously she should feel free to send a card without knowing if you celebrate, but she shouldn’t expect one back for that reason. (Maybe you have decorations or something that are visible from the street?)

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 02/01/2025 11:09

Oh just put them back through her letterbox with a note saying it's kind of her to think of you but you don't need the cards.

battairzeedurgzome · 02/01/2025 11:08

Pekitothebunny · 02/01/2025 10:58

By our house number “hi number 11”

What a ridiculous woman. Where on earth is the point of sending a card to someone you don't even know by name?

WhatICallMyUsername · 02/01/2025 11:08

I would post the pack back with a note saying here are your cards for the next 10/20 years (depending on the pack size)

Ohnobackagain · 02/01/2025 11:07

@Pekitothebunny I’d just put them through her door with a note like ‘thanks for thinking of us but we make a small donation to charity rather than send cards and so I’m returning these for you to use. We won’t be offended if you decide not to send us a card in future, though we’re grateful for the ones you have sent us. Best wishes’

Antsinmypantsneedtodance · 02/01/2025 11:05

I'd keep them then next year send one to every single person on the street but her. Make it wuite obvious too when you go out putting them through doors.

Proteinbananas · 02/01/2025 11:04

IamnotSethRogan · 02/01/2025 10:59

I'd post them back through her door with a nice note saying "thank you very much but we actually don't send christmas cards at all. Appreciate you thinking of us but you'll make better use of them. Happy new year"

You can put something about "due to environmental reasons we don't send them so I wouldn't want these cards to go tonwaste"

I think this is the best response..while it's tempting to hit back with a passive aggressive message of your own you have to live in the same street so it's probably wisest not to kick off a war with her.

Plus a really nice response from you might make her feel a bit embarrassed about her silly gesture!!

Marleigh0 · 02/01/2025 11:03

Jolietta · 02/01/2025 10:52

Just return them saying that you don't send Christmas cards. Why make a drama out of it?

Where did OP make a drama out of it? I missed that bit.

Hedgerow2 · 02/01/2025 11:03

Jolietta · 02/01/2025 10:52

Just return them saying that you don't send Christmas cards. Why make a drama out of it?

Who's making a drama out of it?

tilypu · 02/01/2025 11:03

Pekitothebunny · 02/01/2025 10:55

Yes this is a good idea. I feel a bit bad giving them back though as she’s spent her money on them. Although it looks like they might just be cheap ones from a charity shop so I’m sure it hasn’t broken the bank

But she'll use them - you won't. And she probably bought them 75% off in the sale...

DowntonShabbie · 02/01/2025 11:02

WaitingforStrike · 02/01/2025 10:46

I like her style! Has it never occurred to you to send her one back, in the years she's been giving them to you? Good manners surely.

No, that's not what good manners are.

AndrewPreview · 02/01/2025 11:02

I'd be tempted to write them all out to her and date each envelope.
Put the whole box back in her letterbox with a note saying that should keep her going for the next however many years ;)

IamnotSethRogan · 02/01/2025 11:01

Jolietta · 02/01/2025 10:52

Just return them saying that you don't send Christmas cards. Why make a drama out of it?

Op isn't making a drama. They've made a post about what is incredibly rude and passive aggressive behaviour from her neighbour.

jadeycakes666 · 02/01/2025 10:59

Me and my friends have a name for things like this! PABS.

Passive Aggressive Bullshit 😂

IamnotSethRogan · 02/01/2025 10:59

I'd post them back through her door with a nice note saying "thank you very much but we actually don't send christmas cards at all. Appreciate you thinking of us but you'll make better use of them. Happy new year"

You can put something about "due to environmental reasons we don't send them so I wouldn't want these cards to go tonwaste"

Marleigh0 · 02/01/2025 10:58

I'd post them back and say thanks but we don't send cards and I'd hate for you to waste them.

Pekitothebunny · 02/01/2025 10:58

ThereIsIron · 02/01/2025 10:57

If you don't know each other how does she address you on your card?

By our house number “hi number 11”

OP posts:
IhadaStripeyDeckchair · 02/01/2025 10:57

Id post them back to her

Thank you, but no thank you No 123

RegulatorsMountUp · 02/01/2025 10:57

Pekitothebunny · 02/01/2025 10:53

There’s no drama. As I said I was planning to just ignore it and get rid of them. But wanted to know if it’s just me that finds it strange behaviour

It would be even worse to not reply in some way otherwise she'll just keep this up each year. I'd pop them back into her letterbox with a note saying 'though we appreciate your card every year we do not write Christmas cards to anyone so won't have use for these - thank you for your kind thoughts, thought you'd like these back as we won't make use of them' I am not a people pleaser at all but I also wouldn't purposely want to make an enemy of an elderly neighbour. Old people sometimes have too much time on their hands and over think a lot and sometimes a nice gesture can come across rude. I think in this case she is being passive aggressive but on the off chance she is well meaning I'd give her a chance whilst also making the point back in a polite way that you won't be reciprocating.

ThereIsIron · 02/01/2025 10:57

If you don't know each other how does she address you on your card?

Pekitothebunny · 02/01/2025 10:55

tilypu · 02/01/2025 10:53

I would absolutely return them explaining that you don't send Christmas cards.

Personally I would tell her something like that I find the environmental impact of something so short lived to be wasteful and frivolous. Try to 'outshame' her, as that's what she is trying to do to you.

Yes this is a good idea. I feel a bit bad giving them back though as she’s spent her money on them. Although it looks like they might just be cheap ones from a charity shop so I’m sure it hasn’t broken the bank

OP posts:
tilypu · 02/01/2025 10:53

I would absolutely return them explaining that you don't send Christmas cards.

Personally I would tell her something like that I find the environmental impact of something so short lived to be wasteful and frivolous. Try to 'outshame' her, as that's what she is trying to do to you.

Pekitothebunny · 02/01/2025 10:53

Jolietta · 02/01/2025 10:52

Just return them saying that you don't send Christmas cards. Why make a drama out of it?

There’s no drama. As I said I was planning to just ignore it and get rid of them. But wanted to know if it’s just me that finds it strange behaviour

OP posts:
Bessica1970 · 02/01/2025 10:53

I’d post them back through her door with a note:

Thank you for thinking of us. We, however, don’t send cards as we believe they’re bad for the environment - instead we make a donation to an environmental charity to make up for some of the damage done by card sending.

We don’t judge others for sending cards though, so I’m returning these do you can get some use from them.

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