Mum is blocking my 2yo’s invites to play dates

Let be honest, it’s you that’s being excluded and upset about it not your toddler. At 27months old he doesn’t know he’s excluded, like PP have said it’s not like he’s older and aware of what’s going on.

Of course you’re entitled to feel upset you’ve been dropped, but mums A and B have met you socially a few times and for whatever reason have decided not to pursue a friendship with you and that’s fine, no one owes you friendship. However mum C claims to be friends with them but has sent you screenshots of their conversations so I’d be wary of her too.

At 2 I loved playing with my little one myself at soft play, she didn’t need play dates, neither does your son he’s getting plenty peer interaction at nursery, the play dates are you not him. If you want play dates try make connections with other mums, or pursue a friendship with mum C but I’d be cautious given she’s shown she’s not to be trusted.

Confronting them would not go well, you’d look rather unhinged complaining at drop off that they’re ’excluding’ a toddler, you’ll be the talk of the school and others would steer clear of you, it would be social suicide, so be breezy, keep clear of them and build new connections if that’s what you want.

C is not your friend, she's a drama lover and a shit stirrer
Let B go off with A. Obviously B wasn't much of a friend to begin with and has now shown her true colours. Forget about A, you hardly knew her anyway so no great loss. Your kids are only 2, you have so much ahead and new friends to meet. It won't always be like this with them excluding you - there will be nice mums who you will meet and I bet would love to arrange meet ups with you and your little one. These bitchy cliques always break up at one point or another so please don't worry. Stay calm, controlled but distant. If you have to speak to them just be courteous and don't engage in any chat. Let them go as they are no good for you

It's not about your son. It's about you.
For whatever reason, they don't want you as part of their group. "Calling them out" or any other nonsense will just make you look like an idiot.

I went to a Play School when I was about OPs dc age . So no doubt other Parents were known as school parents etc . YANBU by the way , it's one of the reason I would never make friends with school mums because if you have fallen out , you have to see them everyday.

MN does love finding drama in any situation 😆

Not being invited to a playdate isn't the same as your kid being 'blocked' 🙄 Although I'm sure he was devastated when he found out all his mates were hanging out at soft play with him, right?
Seriously, if there are 'whole nursery' playdates going on, do you really think A or B are telling all of the other parents to keep it a secret from you? If no one thought to invite you, why is it A or Bs fault. Why didn't C invite you?
For whatever reason A decided after a couple of breakfasts after nursery drop off that she doesn't want to be friends with you. That's ok. You and C can go to soft play and invite anyone you wish to. No need for all the added angst

OP I get you are upset but as others have said it’s par for the course and it will happen repeatedly through your kids life unfortunately. Worst is when you become friends with a mum and then your kid doesn’t like that kid anymore.

Your kid is two so won’t really understand or know about the people he is “playing with”.

Take a step back. You are upset but I really don’t think’ your kid will even be aware or notice. It doesn’t really matter and nothing you will do can change minds or get you back in. I would let it go and spend time with kid c.

Mum A is jealous and afraid she is going to lose Mum B to you, so has done/said something to turn B away from you.

I know it's hard but try and make some other friends.

To be honest OP - I was going to say it’s a good thing C’s in solidarity with you - but I’m glad I didn’t say that because this poster might have a very good point

Hi OP - I’ve just read your original post

I totally sympathise because I’d feel put out by what A & B have done especially A’s seemingly irrational dislike of you. I’d feel bad about it and upset.

However, my advice is DO NOT bowl over to them and confront them. Your DC can have much broader social experiences than just this pathetic narrow minded group

My two are much older and arrange their own playdates now. I would cultivate a benign detachment and let it go. I can guarantee that when your DS hits school, there will be a lot of falling out/making up, and play will occur outside of school hours at various clubs, activities, or wrap-around care sessions. You will barely remember this.

When i read the thread title OP I thought you meant YOUR mum was blocking your 2 yo’s play dates !!

Sorry , will read now and give opinion

This. Just leave it. This is such a long game. They probably won't even be friends in a few years. Just find some new friends. Honestly 2 year olds have little concept of friendships they will play with whoever is available. Just make other arrangements.

I could have written this 15 years ago. I played the long game, smiled and nodded and made plenty of friends, many of whom are still my good friends now. Including my 'friend C' who told me what was going on because she didn't want me to make a fool of myself. She was, and is, a great friend to me.

Ironically the equivalent friends 'A & B' from my time in this situation, had fallen out with just about every mum at our small village school by the time their DCs left, including each other.

You talk about being busy with work; getting drawn into nonsense about people who are basically strangers is not the best use of that time. If they want to be petty, let them. People like that don’t change so having it out, or going over all the details, is pointless.

It’s really trite but I try to live by the Michelle Obama quote “when they go low, we go high”. Killing people with kindness is easier, more positive for your emotional wellbeing and it earns you respect from others (and models good behaviours).

You’ll find that a lot of people may mature physically but their brain is still in playground mode. Grow a thick skin because it will happen over and over and you must not let the fear of missing out take hold. Your son will not be scarred by missions out on a few play dates but he will pick up on your anxiety, so relax and do the stuff that makes YOU happy.

I agree with the posters who have said to be wary of c. I also wonder if c has filtered information about you to a) to cause this dislike.

It’s possible that a) just doesn’t like you and the commentary about “she doesn’t like you and doesn’t have to” is just basically rationale for this elitist and overly privileged world we live in & justifying who you’re friends with based on wealth & looks & superficial qualities. Your greatest offence is probably wearing a puffer jacket that is the wrong brand.

It’s easy to say “just move on” but being a human let alone a Mother with a young child is an isolating experience. You now have to go and start fresh making friends and a network is integral to your mental health, and happiness & you’re part of your toddler’s picture. Your network and how your coping will influence your child so it would be nice if women in general had a kinder outlook and sense of community/humanity rather than just looking out for themselves and “their rights”.

Yes, I think as women we have a right to choose our friends. Yes you even have a right to use any social power you have to cut out exclude and ostracise another Mother.

You also don’t have to be kind to people and it’s not your job to include everyone.

Yes you can choose your friends by whatever criteria you want - how they roll their ‘r’s, whether they wear Boden.

Howeever where do we draw the line ?
*trigger warning - we don’t want to talk about the women who end up isolated, abused, depressed, suicidal and without a network or support because of these attitudes - because we as women think it’s every woman for herself and if you don’t fit in then too bad.

What’s the line between having a right and just being a plain old c—t that is quick to judge ? Superficial ? And self important ?

Not Everyone but generally speaking…

I think women and motherhood is just sickly with superficiality in general. There is no kindness or charity or open mindedness. That’s what I think.

The world and motherhood would be a kinder and better place if in general we all did a bit better as human beings.

Friend b & c don’t have a backbone and are just as guilty. Many women are like this - only concerned with their position. If they stood up for you then friend a) would have to practice tolerance/being a decent human being and might actually find some similarities and qualities to like about you.

Don't send text messages, or have face to face conversations about any of this with A or B and definitely don't involve the school! The suggestion by another poster to ask school to remind parents how to behave would put you firmly in the unhinged corner.

Friend C has made you aware of what's going on so just smile and nod. Keep calm and carry on.

FYI the cliquey mums at my child's primary school were off the scale. The drama was laughable. I made friends with the 'uncool' mums. We're all still friends even though our kids are in college. The cliquey mums haven't done so well and their offspring aren't liked by their peers. I guess there'll be the next group of cliquey mums.

As I always said to my child throughout school (when the drama was being played out). Come back when you're 21 and let's see where we all are...

Your child is 2 so will have no idea if they were at an event or not and won’t care.

The women in question sound like they have the maturity level of two year olds as well so I wouldn’t give them another thought. (Do get it’s upsetting to be excluded though).

Now let’s all focus on the important matter of whether can call nursery ‘school’ or not 🤔

Prepare yourself OP. There is a group of mums for whom the school years are all about creating a cliquey friendship group for themselves.

The good news is that 2 year olds really don’t care about play dates. They’d rather be with you. Enjoy these years while they last! When your DC is a bit older you can be the instigator of play dates where you only have to entertain the kids, not the mums!

Dont engage, rise above it. Model healthy friendships for your DC with people you genuinely like, not just those who have a kid the same age. Before you know it they’ll be at secondary school making their own friends and leaving parents out of it - thank god!

Do nothing is always the best policy with this stuff. Having a go at people always looks unhinged.

I would be wary that what you’re saying to mum C could also be going back to A and B. If she’s a good friend to you, great, I would just not say too much more to C about A and B. Try and talk about other stuff.

It’s nice she stood up for you, and her going back to A and B might be well-intentioned, but honestly could just stir up more trouble.

I wouldn't organise a soft play date with a mum I don't like. Those things are as much about having a coffee and catch up with the mum as they are the kids playing. You won't get invited to everything. Organise your own play date.

Actually mum C is a friend of mine now

Mum C is not your friend.

They're not though are they?

From mum As point of view. She met some new people. Really liked B. Didn't gel with OP. Thought she'd like to get to know B more. So organised a 121 with her.

I think C is a shit-stirrer

A&B probably know that too.

None of these people sound like more than newish acquaintances of yours, so there's no earthly reason to expect them to include you every time. And as your reaction is that they're mean for excluding a 2 year old; possibly they have picked up on other thoughts/comments from you like this one, and think you tend to stir shit). So they might think you're like C, and that's fine for casual encounters, but not someone they want to be closer too.