Men when they meet someone else

Moisturiserfor55pluswhenimnot · 2025-01-01T20:37:24+00:00

Friend of mine had her dh leave her for someone else, within 8 months, she’s pregnant, he’s taken on her Dd. He posts ‘Family’ pictures all the time of them all (with his and my friends Ds in the pics) posts about how it’s the best year of his life and how he’s met the love of his life. No huge problems in their marriage, came as a huge shock to her. He’s also really awful now to my friend, trying to get more time with their ds, consulting a lawyer etc. It’s like he literally just replaced her in his life with this new woman without a care in the world. He was what I considered a nice, decent guy. Scary

AllTheChaos · 01/01/2025 23:06

Pyjamatimenow · 01/01/2025 21:06

There was a guy I used to work with who did this. I thought it was awful. He’d encouraged his wife to leave her career and be a sahm. They had a four year old and he had an affair with another colleague. The wife had to go home and live with her parents. Meanwhile he just started a completely new life, he married the colleague really quickly and both their offices were plastered with pictures of them
as a new family. He was a proper dick. But I think when men fall in love they will literally go all in no matter what. That’s why it’s really important that you make sure the guy you settle down with is besotted and not just thinking you’re ok for now. If you’re waiting around for calls, he’s skipping dates, spending more time with his friends than you, you’ve been dating years and he’s not proposed you really should just move on swiftly.

I wish someone had given me this advice many years ago, as it’s just so true.

Pyjamatimenow · 01/01/2025 23:02

Imbusytodaysorry · 01/01/2025 22:38

fall in lust you mean !

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I meant both actually.

Endofyear · 01/01/2025 22:49

He sounds like an arsehole and your friend is well rid of him. The new girlfriend will probably come to regret getting involved with him too. If I were your friend I'd block him on social media so she doesn't see his stupid posts. Give him time with his DC so she can go out and have some fun of her own!

Imbusytodaysorry · 01/01/2025 22:38

Pyjamatimenow · 01/01/2025 21:06

There was a guy I used to work with who did this. I thought it was awful. He’d encouraged his wife to leave her career and be a sahm. They had a four year old and he had an affair with another colleague. The wife had to go home and live with her parents. Meanwhile he just started a completely new life, he married the colleague really quickly and both their offices were plastered with pictures of them
as a new family. He was a proper dick. But I think when men fall in love they will literally go all in no matter what. That’s why it’s really important that you make sure the guy you settle down with is besotted and not just thinking you’re ok for now. If you’re waiting around for calls, he’s skipping dates, spending more time with his friends than you, you’ve been dating years and he’s not proposed you really should just move on swiftly.

fall in lust you mean !

Evaka · 01/01/2025 22:01

My dad, brother in law (sister's husband) and good friend's husband all did this. In the latter two cases when they had small kids. All left for much younger women.

I have a very lovely and loving long term partner but decided not to have kids because I just can't believe the same wouldnt happen to me. I can't put myself in such a vulnerable position.

DaringlyPurple · 01/01/2025 21:58

My mother firmly believed that the more "loveydovey" a couple were in public or the more enthusiastically they described their spouse, the more they were trying to convince themselves. I think the same about people doing the equivalent online.

Original poster

Moisturiserfor55pluswhenimnot · 01/01/2025 21:51

Happyholidays78 · 01/01/2025 21:49

I agree with other posters, it's this 'look at us, it's meant to be' showing off & being all public rather than a more humble, private and quiet approach & god forbid having a little shame for their actions. I knew a couple like this & everything they did with was all over Facebook (including pictures of their children from their previous marriages), they were so in love they married quite quickly but alas it didn't last long! What a shame. I hope your friend comes out of this better off, the woman I know certainly did xx

Yes, it’s all so quick and intense looking.

I really hope she does 🙏

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Happyholidays78 · 01/01/2025 21:49

I agree with other posters, it's this 'look at us, it's meant to be' showing off & being all public rather than a more humble, private and quiet approach & god forbid having a little shame for their actions. I knew a couple like this & everything they did with was all over Facebook (including pictures of their children from their previous marriages), they were so in love they married quite quickly but alas it didn't last long! What a shame. I hope your friend comes out of this better off, the woman I know certainly did xx

ChocolateIce · 01/01/2025 21:39

Talulahalula · 01/01/2025 21:33

I think it depends how care was divided before the couple split up and what the child was used to. That sound be the starting point for what the arrangements look like after separation, otherwise it is disruptive for the child and it is their best interests which should be considered first and foremost. That other dads may decide not to see their DC at all is not relevant here.

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Yet he would be slated if he didn't bother with the first child and was out getting someone else pregnant and bringing up her kids 😑

andfinallyhereweare · 01/01/2025 21:35

I work in the field of relationships and affairs never come out of nowhere, it will be down to attachment theory of his. Not saying that as he hasn’t done the work it won’t happen again with the new relationship but my point is that people who are happy and fulfilled don’t cheat. Not that it’s your friends fault, it’s not, it will be a lacking in him that he’s too lazy to work on so he’s taking the easy way out.

Talulahalula · 01/01/2025 21:33

ChocolateIce · 01/01/2025 21:24

Better than explaining to your kids why their father doesn't want to See them anymore

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I think it depends how care was divided before the couple split up and what the child was used to. That sound be the starting point for what the arrangements look like after separation, otherwise it is disruptive for the child and it is their best interests which should be considered first and foremost. That other dads may decide not to see their DC at all is not relevant here.

JohnTheRevelator · 01/01/2025 21:32

Yet another reason I have such a low opinion of men nowadays, and why I won't get involved with one romantically ever again. When my exH walked out on our 11 year marriage (for another woman) he went all out to make sure that everyone knew how absolutely deliriously happy he was.

Pyjamatimenow · 01/01/2025 21:31

Moisturiserfor55pluswhenimnot · 01/01/2025 21:15

Do you think thats it? He just completely fell
in love? They seemed in love though (my friend and him) just so sad

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No idea. He could just be flaky

PTSDBarbiegirl · 01/01/2025 21:28

He’s terrified of aging. Prize tosser who women should avoid. Will do the same to wife #3 as he has to #1. Best rid.

ChocolateIce · 01/01/2025 21:24

Moisturiserfor55pluswhenimnot · 01/01/2025 21:23

It seems to be more of a power struggle though? More about being vindictive to her..this is what I don’t understand when he’s the one who did wrong

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Better than explaining to your kids why their father doesn't want to See them anymore

Original poster

Moisturiserfor55pluswhenimnot · 01/01/2025 21:23

ChocolateIce · 01/01/2025 21:18

Well at least he wants more time with the child . when some men do this they act like the child doesn't exist anymore.

It seems to be more of a power struggle though? More about being vindictive to her..this is what I don’t understand when he’s the one who did wrong

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Strikeoutnow · 01/01/2025 21:19

I don’t understand why he basically boasting about this new life, wouldn’t you have some sensitivity and keep things under the radar for a while? I don’t remember seeing him posting much on Sm previously.
It all just happened so quickly, to be pregnant within 6 months maybe…madness

Men & women do this, they have to “prove” & convince themselves that it’s worth it, they haven’t just blown up their life for nothing.

Gcsunnyside23 · 01/01/2025 21:18

Moisturiserfor55pluswhenimnot · 01/01/2025 20:51

I don’t understand why he basically boasting about this new life, wouldn’t you have some sensitivity and keep things under the radar for a while? I don’t remember seeing him posting much on Sm previously.
It all just happened so quickly, to be pregnant within 6 months maybe…madness

I just feel so sorry for her, it’s like none of their old life mattered, would you not feel guilt at all, so scary

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He's trying to show everyone it was all worth it and he didn't make a mistake, that he's so in love that's why he left and not just a generic scumbag. I'd absolutely believe that behind clothes doors not all will be rosey but he's committed now so he has to make it work

ChocolateIce · 01/01/2025 21:18

Well at least he wants more time with the child . when some men do this they act like the child doesn't exist anymore.

Original poster

Moisturiserfor55pluswhenimnot · 01/01/2025 21:18

Balaclaval · 01/01/2025 21:17

I wouldn’t read much into Facebook - it’s all a load of performative bollocks.

Ig

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Balaclaval · 01/01/2025 21:17

I wouldn’t read much into Facebook - it’s all a load of performative bollocks.

Original poster

Moisturiserfor55pluswhenimnot · 01/01/2025 21:17

InformerYaNoSayDaddyMeSnowMeIGoBlameALickyBoom · 01/01/2025 20:54

Because he did something awful and he needs to 1- convince the world it was for the greater good and 2- make sure his new partner is feeling secure and not like a shameful secret.

Your friend can't change what he's doing, but she can change how she responds, and blocking on SM is the best thing for her just now.

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She doesn’t follow him on Sm, these are things I see him posting, it’s mainly shared pics and videos from the new woman. Don’t understand how she could do this also

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Original poster

Moisturiserfor55pluswhenimnot · 01/01/2025 21:15

Pyjamatimenow · 01/01/2025 21:06

There was a guy I used to work with who did this. I thought it was awful. He’d encouraged his wife to leave her career and be a sahm. They had a four year old and he had an affair with another colleague. The wife had to go home and live with her parents. Meanwhile he just started a completely new life, he married the colleague really quickly and both their offices were plastered with pictures of them
as a new family. He was a proper dick. But I think when men fall in love they will literally go all in no matter what. That’s why it’s really important that you make sure the guy you settle down with is besotted and not just thinking you’re ok for now. If you’re waiting around for calls, he’s skipping dates, spending more time with his friends than you, you’ve been dating years and he’s not proposed you really should just move on swiftly.

Do you think thats it? He just completely fell
in love? They seemed in love though (my friend and him) just so sad

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Original poster

Moisturiserfor55pluswhenimnot · 01/01/2025 21:13

Jiminyilgrillo · 01/01/2025 21:02

One of my best male friends did this. He and his wife had 3 kids, seemingly happily married and he left her out the blue for another women who he immediately moved in with and they blended their kids straight away. I actually cried when I found out, we've been friends 20 years and he was the last person I ever thought would do that so if he could do it, any man could. I almost ended our friendship over it but he has been a great friend to me but I will never believe he is a good husband anymore. It's since become clear from talking to him about it that his marriage had become stale, in the completely normal way that a marriage does when you have 3 kids under 7, and he got attention from someone at work who was having more serious problems in her marriage (her ex husband sounds abusive) and he's jumped at it. I'd still consider him a friend but I now see him very differently and to be honest I see him as quite weak and pathetic now.

I saw him as a great guy too and was friends with him, just so disappointing

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Pyjamatimenow · 01/01/2025 21:06

There was a guy I used to work with who did this. I thought it was awful. He’d encouraged his wife to leave her career and be a sahm. They had a four year old and he had an affair with another colleague. The wife had to go home and live with her parents. Meanwhile he just started a completely new life, he married the colleague really quickly and both their offices were plastered with pictures of them
as a new family. He was a proper dick. But I think when men fall in love they will literally go all in no matter what. That’s why it’s really important that you make sure the guy you settle down with is besotted and not just thinking you’re ok for now. If you’re waiting around for calls, he’s skipping dates, spending more time with his friends than you, you’ve been dating years and he’s not proposed you really should just move on swiftly.