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AIBU?

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Daughters 1st birthday present

88 replies

Spinningmom21 · 01/01/2025 20:29

So, we’ve had my 2nd daughter’s first birthday in October, low key at home with in laws. DH has a brother, wife and 2 kids a few years older than ours.we generally get on well but SIL doesn’t think much of the husbands family and is very much self absorbed and is always asking for expensive things with form to not return the kindness. For each of their children’s birthdays we make sure we got something they liked or wanted and spent about £40 on them (this is what we would normally spend). For my daughter’s birthday we offered out ideas for presents and left it up to each person to get what they wanted. BIL and SIL sent down a card and gift (as couldn’t make birthday). For my daughters first birthday they sent half a card, that is where they cut off the picture side of a standard birthday (not 1st birthday) card and wrote on that and sent some plastic xylophone tat. I was livid, husband was livid but in-laws made a fuss that it’s the though its that counts and to leave it. Husband sent a generic thank you text.
Roll on last week where it was SIL birthday and I purposefully sought out the exact same card they gave to my daughter and on the crease make a dotted line and drew a picture of small scissors. I wrote well wishes for her birthday and sent it.
It’s caused an uproar and I’ve been called to apologise and I’ve refused. AIBU

OP posts:
Dinosweetpea · 01/01/2025 21:22

This is hilarious - good for you!

Roysieboy · 01/01/2025 21:15

MargaretThursday · 01/01/2025 20:55

Dm once did a similar thing - gave half a card. She asked df to sign the card and without thinking he did his full name signature as he would do for a formal form, so initial surname.
She didn't have any other card and she tried sticking something over it and it looked worse, so she cut the back of the card off and sent the front with their names on the back.

She'd have been really upset if the person had reacted as OP did.

Yes exactly this…you need to clarify the facts of what’s happened first

i don’t know what you expected to happen OP other than an upset

this is not calling it out - exactly the opposite - massive passively aggressive behaviour - that is confusing, unclear and gets everyone on edge

you already said they don’t care about the family so adjust your expectations

Ask yourself, are you in peace about it now or is it in your mind? The latter I suspect

TheFairyCaravan · 01/01/2025 21:10

Fucking hell! You sound about 12. I really couldn’t be arsed to play such stupid games. My grandson was 1 last week, he’d have loved a plastic xylophone. It sounds like your 1yo is the most grown up out of the lot of you.

unlikelywitch · 01/01/2025 21:09

Honestly, good for you 😂

How anybody would have the neck to send half a card is beyond me. You wouldn’t embarrass yourself. If you’d ruined it then buy another one, surely!

It’s exhausting being on the receiving end of poor behaviour and always having to be the bigger person. Why should you have to keep the peace for her sake? She got what she deserved, and I’d take the advice of a pp and stick a tenner in a card for her kids’ birthdays from now on.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 01/01/2025 21:07

@Spinningmom21 many years ago my sil sent my youngest £2 for his first birthday! it wasnt even enough to buy a baby vest out of mothercare. the next birthday was her daughter so guess what I sent down!! yes £2 in a card! it caused ructions in the house (mil was there at the time) she had to walk out the room! she was actually in agreement with me given that the usual gift at that time was £10 and we were the poorest of the family and both worked, me doing night shifts, and they were the richest and she never needed to work!! it didnt happen ever again!! mil had a laugh when she told my hubby what I had done!! so did hubby!!! well done you!

AsTheLightFades · 01/01/2025 21:04

Spinningmom21 · 01/01/2025 20:29

So, we’ve had my 2nd daughter’s first birthday in October, low key at home with in laws. DH has a brother, wife and 2 kids a few years older than ours.we generally get on well but SIL doesn’t think much of the husbands family and is very much self absorbed and is always asking for expensive things with form to not return the kindness. For each of their children’s birthdays we make sure we got something they liked or wanted and spent about £40 on them (this is what we would normally spend). For my daughter’s birthday we offered out ideas for presents and left it up to each person to get what they wanted. BIL and SIL sent down a card and gift (as couldn’t make birthday). For my daughters first birthday they sent half a card, that is where they cut off the picture side of a standard birthday (not 1st birthday) card and wrote on that and sent some plastic xylophone tat. I was livid, husband was livid but in-laws made a fuss that it’s the though its that counts and to leave it. Husband sent a generic thank you text.
Roll on last week where it was SIL birthday and I purposefully sought out the exact same card they gave to my daughter and on the crease make a dotted line and drew a picture of small scissors. I wrote well wishes for her birthday and sent it.
It’s caused an uproar and I’ve been called to apologise and I’ve refused. AIBU

Are you the 1 year old? Because you've acted very childishly. No one year old gives a stuff about cards or presents. Your choice to spend £40 on presents for family, but no law to make them reciprocate

EarlyBirdCatchesTheWorm · 01/01/2025 21:04

Ok it was petty but what's the problem. It's not as bad as what she did. She's probably embarrassed. I think it's quite funny OP.
That said, I don't really like holding the women accountable for gifting - your SIL did 100% better than her husband did.

autumngirl714 · 01/01/2025 21:00

I don't think you've done yourself any favours tbh OP. You can't criticise someone for doing something, if you then do it yourself. You've lost your argument there and then. If you think her actions were bad? Then you're just the same.

rayofsunshine86 · 01/01/2025 21:00

Loser-like behaviour, imo. How petty can you get?

cartagenagina · 01/01/2025 20:59

InformerYaNoSayDaddyMeSnowMeIGoBlameALickyBoom · 01/01/2025 20:46

This is the level of petty I strive to be 🤣

Tell her there's a funny story behind the card so you aren't going to apologise to her.

I would also start sticking a tenner in a card for her kids too rather than getting gifts.

I agree. I wish more people were as petty as you (and me) and pulled shit like this OP.

Act bewildered. You have drawn your line in the sand. 😂

BusyPoster · 01/01/2025 20:58

My DB once a sent an envelope with no card to my DS (it was an accident).

Threesmycrowd · 01/01/2025 20:56

As pp gave said, you've made yourself the bad guy. You are coming across publicly as bitter and entitled; SIL comes across only privately as tight and entitled. If I were you, I'd have a chat with her where I explained how hurt I was about dd birthday and acknowledge that your response was not well handled. Smooth things over and then to make yourself feel better either spend less on her kids in future or if you would like "revenge" gift things like trumpet/drum kit/taster horse riding lesson/gift voucher for slightly less than required (e.g. here's a £20 voucher for a local dry ski slope where a session is £40 type thing).

MargaretThursday · 01/01/2025 20:55

Dm once did a similar thing - gave half a card. She asked df to sign the card and without thinking he did his full name signature as he would do for a formal form, so initial surname.
She didn't have any other card and she tried sticking something over it and it looked worse, so she cut the back of the card off and sent the front with their names on the back.

She'd have been really upset if the person had reacted as OP did.

Cynic17 · 01/01/2025 20:51

Grow up, OP, you just sound childish.

saraclara · 01/01/2025 20:50

you are engaging in petty shit, which ultimately doesn't sort anything out.

Exactly. It was a childish and petty thing to do, which ends up with you being seen as the villain instead of the person you aimed it at.

Grow up and address things like an adult.

OurDreamLife · 01/01/2025 20:49

You’ve being ridiculous and petty awful I think. To be livid over a present is vulgar.

You may have more money than them but they still tried. Just because you think it’s plastic tat doesn’t mean it is.

BusyPoster · 01/01/2025 20:49

Then when rewriting on the other side say that. Can’t see how can write the wrong name tbh. I believe it was a reused card.

I think you were petty.

Spinningmom21 · 01/01/2025 20:47

BusyPoster · 01/01/2025 20:44

SIL probably spilled something on the other half or wrote the name wrong and cut off the dodgy bit of the card.

Then when rewriting on the other side say that. Can’t see how can write the wrong name tbh. I believe it was a reused card.

OP posts:
InformerYaNoSayDaddyMeSnowMeIGoBlameALickyBoom · 01/01/2025 20:46

This is the level of petty I strive to be 🤣

Tell her there's a funny story behind the card so you aren't going to apologise to her.

I would also start sticking a tenner in a card for her kids too rather than getting gifts.

DaringLion · 01/01/2025 20:45

Spinningmom21 · 01/01/2025 20:43

I can assure you I’m not unhinged. I think I did it out of principle. It’s not like they can’t afford it or anything like that. I get on fine with SIL (or so I thought). It’s the lack of thought and zero and effort made, the fact it’s a first birthday at least warrants a nice card from uncle/aunt.

Good for you

BusyPoster · 01/01/2025 20:44

SIL probably spilled something on the other half or wrote the name wrong and cut off the dodgy bit of the card.

Screamingabdabz · 01/01/2025 20:44

Yes it’s petty but I don’t blame you op. It’s all blown up because you’ve called it out and everyone shoots the messenger but I suggest you stand by it and don’t apologise. Everyone already knows they’re arseholes and you just shone a light on it. Good for you.

Spinningmom21 · 01/01/2025 20:43

SchoolDilemma17 · 01/01/2025 20:39

You sound unhinged. We are talking about a card for a one year old!

I can assure you I’m not unhinged. I think I did it out of principle. It’s not like they can’t afford it or anything like that. I get on fine with SIL (or so I thought). It’s the lack of thought and zero and effort made, the fact it’s a first birthday at least warrants a nice card from uncle/aunt.

OP posts:
Paradoes · 01/01/2025 20:42

Omg did this actually happen 😳

Cherrysherbet · 01/01/2025 20:41

That was pretty petty op
Not saying anything since October, then doing that.
Great way to start a family rift…..but I’m guessing that’s what you want?

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