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AIBU?

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Original poster

To sleep with a 25 year old

568 replies

Lolalovestheflowers · 01/01/2025 20:28

I am 43. After a very unhappy marriage that ended two years ago I feel I have finally found myself.
I have lost a lot of weight over the 2 years, got my friends and social life back and a good job I'm in a good place.

A couple of months ago I was out with some friends for a girly night, meal cocktails and onto a local pub.
We were having a great night and I was enjoying having fun.
A young man approached me that evening and started chatting me up, I had a giggle with him amd I was flattered but I said look your way too young for me as sweet as you are you surely must have many young women after you and no I'm out with the girls.
We both laughed , said nice to meet you and me and my friends moved onto the next pub.
Since then I've bumped into him in the local village I have recently moved to at the local shop. You would have thought it would have been awkward, it wasn't we smiled said our hellos , were polite, and went our own way.

He then sent a friend request on fb , I declined it. He then messaged me on fb asking to go for dinner. I ignored him initially.
One evening after a glass of wine I replied and said again you seem lovely , however your too young for me , take care.

On the 21st Dec I was out in local pub celebrating my best friends birthday , he walked in with a couple of friends near the end of the evening , he came over and said hello, we were all quite drunk by then and I must admit I was flattered he was flirting with me.
He said have you recently moved to the village i said yes and we then both realised we are actually neighbours.... 6 doors apart.

End of the night came and we both went separate ways and said goodbyes
My friends said there was a massive chemistry between the two of us and although he is young he seemed a nice, respectful guy

Since that evening we gave msg back and forth a little. Things heated up last night and he wanted me to meet him out.
He's saying I'm not too young for you , please just give me a chance.
I declined as I was staying in.
I really do fancy the pants off him, I know it will be nothing but a physical thing if I ever decide to meet him
However I can't help but feel it is morally wrong?

Opinions please
Tell me to sort myself and move on if you like, I'm all ears 😂

OP posts:
yipyipyop · 05/01/2025 07:57

@TENSsion it makes me laugh that of course the opinion when the roles are reversed are completely different just on another recent post.

TENSsion · 05/01/2025 07:25

Jumpingthruhoops · 05/01/2025 03:05

Honest answer: In my experience, misogyny is 'rampant' among women toward other women. As this thread is highlighting perfectly...

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I’ve not seen that.
I’ve seen women saying they would be disgusted in a man doing this with a much younger woman so they feel the same when it’s an older woman.
I’ve seen concerns about the encounter becoming an issue because of the proximity in which they live.
I’ve seen concerns about the maturity of 25 year old men and how this may result in OP having a difficult time in the village.

I have however, seen misogynistic posts saying women who have disagreed with OP are old, ugly and jealous prudes. I’ve seen misogynistic posts saying women are to blame for the misogyny of men.

Jumpingthruhoops · 05/01/2025 03:19

Lolalovestheflowers · 03/01/2025 17:42

Thank you . It's taught me not to judge and be ageist myself. Just because a man is in his 20s doesn't automatically mean he's a lad or a player and I shouldn't have assumed that about him. We continue to grow & learn in life I guess 😊 I feel it was 100% the right decision. He seems a bit vulnerable & sensitive

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Hmm... that's a sweet update OP and I understand your reasoning but I would always wonder if he was 'the one who got away'.
Thoroughly decent men are hard to find (especially in a small village!) and it would be a shame to dismiss someone you could potentially be happy with just because of the age gap.

Jumpingthruhoops · 05/01/2025 03:05

TENSsion · 03/01/2025 11:46

How good OP looks is irrelevant.
If you think it’s only a minority of men who speak about a minority of women like this, how is misogyny so rampant?

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Honest answer: In my experience, misogyny is 'rampant' among women toward other women. As this thread is highlighting perfectly...

Nantescalling · 04/01/2025 18:35

Tink3rbell30 · 04/01/2025 10:39

Oh it's fine, the weirdo was trying hard all evening to be insulting on another thread, just realised the user 😂🤦‍♀️ but just embarrassed herself.

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It would be great if Mumsnet flagged grouchy members so we could take them with a pinch of salt !

IridiumSky · 04/01/2025 13:13

Good God!

Who is this bloody bloke who, whilst having lunch with a hot woman clearly up for it ruins it all by talk of long term commitments and so on, on a first date!

Sure, that may come later. But six months later, not six minutes.

If it were the other way round, with a woman giving a first date man all that stuff, running shoes would be indicated.

The youth of today eh? How times have changed. 😂

Tink3rbell30 · 04/01/2025 10:39

Nantescalling · 04/01/2025 00:19

Gosh, that was a bit harsh, I reckon. We are all writing what we believe and want to put our positions out there. What's the point in slagging off another member just because you think differrently. OP has walked away from the danger and as it turned out the guy wasn't just looking for a quickie but a relationship so they did'nt match.

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Oh it's fine, the weirdo was trying hard all evening to be insulting on another thread, just realised the user 😂🤦‍♀️ but just embarrassed herself.

Errors · 04/01/2025 09:02

Although it hasn’t worked out how you wanted it to OP, that was a really nice update. He sounds like a really lovely guy and fair play to you for not stringing him along and letting him believe you’re interested in more just to get a shag (like so many older men would do to younger women!)

To be fair, the 20-something men I know do tend to be more respectful and as someone said above, I wonder if it’s because they’ve grown up in a more equal society. I know a 27 year old man at work who is so lovely and hard working and easy to get on with, married his child hood sweetheart and has a young daughter, is investing his savings for retirement and is just a really nice respectful guy.

Nantescalling · 04/01/2025 00:19

changecandles · 03/01/2025 20:56

Wow found you on this thread determined to believe something opposite to that of most other posters

It takes a certain type of blind arrogance or panicked desperation to not believe things written right in front of you.

You come across as someone very uptight. Like a modern day Mary Whitehouse. Or one of those puritanical Republicans who lash out at the world and it turns out they are married to husbands who have been frequenting rent boys

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Gosh, that was a bit harsh, I reckon. We are all writing what we believe and want to put our positions out there. What's the point in slagging off another member just because you think differrently. OP has walked away from the danger and as it turned out the guy wasn't just looking for a quickie but a relationship so they did'nt match.

Tink3rbell30 · 03/01/2025 22:13

changecandles · 03/01/2025 20:56

Wow found you on this thread determined to believe something opposite to that of most other posters

It takes a certain type of blind arrogance or panicked desperation to not believe things written right in front of you.

You come across as someone very uptight. Like a modern day Mary Whitehouse. Or one of those puritanical Republicans who lash out at the world and it turns out they are married to husbands who have been frequenting rent boys

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Not sure who you are but lots of comments are saying the same. Don't know who anyone is in the last paragraph.

changecandles · 03/01/2025 20:56

Tink3rbell30 · 02/01/2025 15:03

Again I've explained a couple of times now, maybe read the thread again if you're overly invested in people's reasonings as lots think the same as me so maybe quote them all to clarify their reasons also. I've just said why I think it's creepy and odd.. obviously the age difference 🤦‍♀️ he will definitely be laughing about her with his friends. There's nothing to laugh about the other way round as it's just weird. Plenty of men in her age bracket available, no need to creep around young men, especially the age that could be her children. But if she wants to then no amount of strangers saying it's weird on here will stop her.

Wow found you on this thread determined to believe something opposite to that of most other posters

It takes a certain type of blind arrogance or panicked desperation to not believe things written right in front of you.

You come across as someone very uptight. Like a modern day Mary Whitehouse. Or one of those puritanical Republicans who lash out at the world and it turns out they are married to husbands who have been frequenting rent boys

Original poster
Lolalovestheflowers · 03/01/2025 18:24

YourGladSquid · 03/01/2025 17:56

@Lolalovestheflowers aw it’s nice that you parted ways with a nice chat.

A little besides the point, but my DP is younger than me (28) and he’s far more respectful than any men my age or older I’ve met before. No sleaziness, no slut shaming or talking down on women, knows how to do everything around the house without expecting a woman to do it for him. I suspect a lot of younger men have grown up seeing women as more equal and are less prone to acting all macho.

Yes its definitely nice to see some men from the younger generation like this.

OP posts:
YourGladSquid · 03/01/2025 17:56

@Lolalovestheflowers aw it’s nice that you parted ways with a nice chat.

A little besides the point, but my DP is younger than me (28) and he’s far more respectful than any men my age or older I’ve met before. No sleaziness, no slut shaming or talking down on women, knows how to do everything around the house without expecting a woman to do it for him. I suspect a lot of younger men have grown up seeing women as more equal and are less prone to acting all macho.

Original poster
Lolalovestheflowers · 03/01/2025 17:42

Lambpieforme · 03/01/2025 17:37

Sorry it didn’t go quite the way you had hoped but still a nice confidence boost and you may have a new friend for occasional lunch. Stay strong and enjoy yourself.

Thank you . It's taught me not to judge and be ageist myself. Just because a man is in his 20s doesn't automatically mean he's a lad or a player and I shouldn't have assumed that about him. We continue to grow & learn in life I guess 😊 I feel it was 100% the right decision. He seems a bit vulnerable & sensitive

OP posts:
Lambpieforme · 03/01/2025 17:37

Sorry it didn’t go quite the way you had hoped but still a nice confidence boost and you may have a new friend for occasional lunch. Stay strong and enjoy yourself.

Original poster
Lolalovestheflowers · 03/01/2025 17:31

LuckySantangelo35 · 03/01/2025 17:27

Such craaaazy misogyny and patriarchy- bullshit on this thread!!

Totally ! It's quite depressing 😕

OP posts:
LuckySantangelo35 · 03/01/2025 17:27

Such craaaazy misogyny and patriarchy- bullshit on this thread!!

Original poster
Lolalovestheflowers · 03/01/2025 17:21
  • update for anyone that is interested.

We met for lunch today we were both very open and honest about what we want. He said he sees why I would be hesitant given his age and men his age normally talk and I'm not wrong in thinking this. He claims he is mature for his age ( I believe he is) He said he's a very private person. He has a business and is also aware people talk and he said he wouldn't disrespect me or jeopardise either of our reputations with a stupid kiss and tell .
Unfortunately he's looking for something more than a one time thing & is looking for a deeper connection. He would like to date me , get to know me and see where it goes .
I'm not looking for anything other than a fling. Interestingly his answer to that was so does a woman like you only look at a 25 year old like me as casual sex then? I said well yes I couldn't see it being anything more if I'm honest with you. Sex and friends only, because of the age gap & the realities that surround that.
I then asked him if he has a thing for more mature women and he said no not usually but I felt we connected when we met and couldn't stop thinking about you & I like you.
He also felt a more mature woman wouldn't be into playing games & he's been messed about & hurt. I did reassure him there are plenty of women out there that our his age & wouldn't play games .
I get the feeling although he is mature for his age he is very sensitive and probably not emotionally mature enough for a no strings attached type of thing . Conclusion we said we wouldn't take it any further, but will say hello and be civil and friendly if we see each other around. A lovely man, polite, good conversation, no sleaziness ( which unfortunately ive experienced with men my age and above over this last year!) and will make a great husband / partner for someone in the future.

  • I had to resist in saying your parents have raised you well 😂
OP posts:
changecandles · 03/01/2025 16:04

@Disturbia81

Exactly, I find it fucking creepy and sleazy when older men go for younger women so I couldn't do it the other way round.
Do you find it fucking creepy and sleazy when younger women pursue older men? Because that's what's going in here. The OP is not pursuing this young man. He's the one asserting things.

QueenBarbs · 03/01/2025 16:03

Go for it! As long as you are both aware it's just a bit of fun then what's the harm?

SouthMumof2 · 03/01/2025 16:03

Go for it! Have some fun you deserve it. Losing weight and getting yourself in a good place.. great confidence booster! Have fun and enjoy!

changecandles · 03/01/2025 16:02

@Treblechef

Yes. Bit desperate

There is absolutely nothing desperate about having sex with someone hot who is pursuing you 😂

Running around seeking validation from lots and lots of men is perhaps a little sad. But that's not what's going on here ffs.

The name calling is depressing

BIossomtoes · 03/01/2025 15:56

HelenInHeels · 03/01/2025 15:42

My almost 40 year old friend became pregnant by a 25 year old. It wasn't in her plans!

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Surely she’s old enough to understand how contraception works?

Hunglikeapolevaulter · 03/01/2025 15:45

How could she update weeks ago when the OP was only 2 or 3 days ago?

Huh. Absolutely identical to a post from a few weeks ago, if you swap the bar for a coffee shop.

HelenInHeels · 03/01/2025 15:42

TwigletsAndRadishes · 03/01/2025 15:35

Blimey, they are playing a very dangerous game if they think there is no chance of an unexpected pregnancy with a 40 something woman. And if such a pregnancy did arise, they'd be very naive to assume it's an unwanted pregnancy.

I hope they've checked to see that she already has all the children she's likely to want, because a single, childless woman in her late 30s who fears she's running out of time for a baby is going to be highly susceptible to 'accidents' as the result of brief flings.

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My almost 40 year old friend became pregnant by a 25 year old. It wasn't in her plans!