To refuse to speak to this person until I receive an apology

What did you want the adult daughter to do exactly? She could tell them not to drive but they might have said no? Hide the keys? Fine as long as it's just a car key, no other keys on there. Even doctors don't properly check if older people are safe to drive.
It's down to the driver to realise they can't drive safely anymore, which obviously they have realised.
It's just such a massive drama over an event where you weren't hurt and isn't going to happen again.

The ship has sailed move on

Obviously I’m referring to the circumstances OP shared, if a driver is moving slowly, yet isn’t aware of people in their path to the point they hit them and don’t realise, they shouldn’t be driving. And you’re right, it doesn’t matter what age they are if they don’t have capacity to drive safely, they shouldn’t.

She did the right thing in going to both the 86yr old and the daughter but they failed to apologise and the daughter minimised it.

The driver should have reported it to the Police and they did not. The daughter did not witness it and so had no responsibility to do so but the OP could have but that would have caused issues.

But to report something to the DVLA, you do not need to get the Police involved. Anyone can make a report to the DVLA if they think someone is unfit to drive. I know this, as dealing with the assessments for such people was once my job.

We had no end of family members contacting the DVLA concerned at the fact someone was driving when they weren't fit to do so and they came to us for assessments. Some people were great and kept their licence (one 94 yr old springs to mind) but lots did not.

A lot of elderly people with age related frailties deteriorate slowly in terms of their awareness and eyesight and adapt as it happens to them, lacking self awareness about their inability to do things that were once 2nd nature. Added to the fact that most people drive less when they retire, means their skillset can deteriorate. Some have dementia, others just lack the swift mobility to check traffic etc. Anyone can raise this with the DVLA (anonymously if preferred) and the DVLA may call the driver in for an assessment, one possible outcome of which, is that they may lose their driving licence.

I'm not blaming the OP for the accident but she had a chance to stand her ground and take action 4yrs ago and she didn't. The reality is that if the elderly person knows they clipped her as she states, then the only reason they did not apologise is because they didn't want to get into trouble as they do not accept they are unfit to drive. This elderly person was clearly unfit to drive and it wasn't just about their safety but about other pedestrians/drivers on the road, or in this case, the safety of an innocent person stood in the middle of the field.

Or the other disconcerting thought is that the 86 yr old had no idea what they had done...which is even worse and they should not have been allowed to continue driving. Had it been tackled at that time, they would not have gone on to create another issue where they did lose their licence.

She instead went to the adult daughter I think out of some sensitivity to the situation.

And, in fact, legally the police have to be involved. The driver has to report the incident to the police when there is an accident, not just the DVLA

So, I guess the OP could have called the cops and there could have been a court hearing for the 86-year old. Or maybe the adult daughter could have taken responsibility and taken away the keys and apologised?

I'm not sure why the victim in an accident has to be blamed.

It is indeed but if the 86 years old should not have been driving as they clearly did not have the requisite awareness to do so, then the OP could have reported them to the DVLA (not the Police) and they could have called the elderly person in for an assessment and as a result of this, may have lost their licence.

If someone's age related fragility renders them unable to drive slowly in a large field without hitting someone, they clearly lack awareness or vision needed to drive and should NOT be driving.

Common theme for me this evening. I've clearly lost will to read posts properly today.

For your own healthy levels of Cortisol, try to genuinely forgive, knowing full well that they are not driving.
Feel grateful that you are unscathed.

Could you manage to speak about their accident into the wall, and insist that that is the best thing to have happened for everyone's safety? Talking about it might give you closure of some sort. Also ask if they are still driving in the fields and if they are, tell them they should curb that hobby as they could run over calves and ramblers.

Their child has, hopefully, hidden all the keys.

There was an old lady in our town when I was young. She drove, without being able to see traffic, once a week; slow as a snail, traversing the roads to collect her groceries and pills.

Everyone gave way to her. The community respected her right to independence. She drove at a similar time each week on her predictable route.

I agree with you OP.
It was outrageous behaviour.
The family should have been on your side and stopped the elderly person from driving.

I'd have trouble forgiving this.

@ToffeePennie Here's one way of looking at it - your telling the driver's child about the field incident might have been the reason the licence was taken away after the wall incident, rather than the latter being dismissed as a 'one off'. Unfortunately, I'm willing to bet a lot of money that when licences are removed, it's almost always after more than one incident.

I know it must be really aggravating not to get the apology you deserve, but I promise you'll feel better if you can genuinely let it go. After 4 years, the only person you're making feel bad is yourself.

It is the driver’s legal responsibility to report the accident. Failing that, the adult daughter’s when she was told.

OP could have seen that the elderly relative was taken to court and fined for failing to report an accident I suppose, and also mention the adult daughter’s attempts to have her not say anything, but I’m trying to imagine that playing out in the family.

There is no shelf life or time limit on apologies.

So you were in a field were no cars were allowed, the 86 year old came up behind you in the car and clipped you and even though they knew you had been clipped, did not apologise? There were no witnesses other than you and the driver?

You then told the drivers daughter who basically fobbed you off and you just let it go, other than ignoring family member until you got an apology.

Well to me, the driver should have been reported to the DVLA as unfit to drive...how the bleep bleep can they not have seen you!!! And they didn't apologise?

Their adult child minimised it and you were in tears. Sorry but elderly person and the adult child both needed chastising at the time. 86 year old shouldn't have been driving and had someone taken you seriously, they may not have gone on to have the 2nd incident. But you should have also reported this as they were a danger to themselves as well as others.

Their behaviour was appalling and had you stood your ground then, you wouldn't be in this position now. If they didn't apologise then, they are not going to apologise after 4 yrs so just what are you waiting for...you missed the opportunity to address it at the time, so just let it go. You were treated badly and are right to be annoyed, but you had an opportunity to address it effectively when it happened and chose not to.

I could not see for a while if the driver was a he or a she either. I had to go back and reread.

The person should no longer be driving, frankly. It's possible they did not see you and have no idea what they have done, that isn't uncommon. I don't think you not speaking to them is overly helpful but surely their closer relatives should have a word. You could have been more seriously injured and they could hurt somebody else badly. They are dangerous!

I didn't read the whole thread. I read the frst post. If there was a drip feed that's not my fault.

Sure, but is she out of line for asking for an apology from her cousin (assuming this is the adult daughter of the driver). Clear the air. Unresolved stuff like this is no good. It takes a lot of effort to forgive and forget vs getting an apology. People don’t like being embarrassed, I get that, but sometimes they need to be a bit embarrassed and apologise.

Yup, I’d lean toward option 2. OP needs an apology.

@ToffeePennie I genuinely feel that you need to draw a line under this incident and move on.

It shouldn’t have happened - but it did and thankfully you were not seriously injured.

Your relative shouldn’t have been driving due to their capacity to drive at their age - this part of the situation has now been resolved and they are not driving any longer.

It was an unfortunate accident - had it been a week ago I would understand you feeling upset that it wasn’t better managed. But it was 4 years ago.

Nothing will be achieved by you raising this now. Stop with the coldness and the grudge and focus on living your life.

No, I’m not confused. I saw about the country fair. I’m wondering if the OP didn’t hear the elderly driver and thought that if it was an electric vehicle it would make some sort of sense.

When they first said field, I wondered if it was a golf cart or mobility scooter or something, but it seems a car.

Sorry think my post might have confused you, my reply was because HP had said it was at a family event like a country fair which is why they were driving on a field.

I had previously posted suggesting that the elderly person was confused and didn’t realise they were driving on a field. I couldn’t figure out why someone would be driving on a field in the first place.

It really comes down to one of two solutions:

1. Move on for your own sake more than anything else and put it behind you. It can’t be doing you any good if you are still feeling so upset about it after 4 years.
2. Have an open conversation with the person who hit you and your cousin? Or child of the elderly person if it’s not your cousin, and explain that you know it was 4 years ago but the situation really impacted you emotionally and you are upset that at no stage has anyone offered a apology for running you over with a car, and you would like a apology now.

if it was electric, OP wouldn’t have heard them, particularly if there was ambient noise.

@HPandthelastwish ah missed that bit. Makes more sense. I was thinking to myself, what the hell is someone doing in an electric car on a field. A Land Rover I could understand if the owned the land but not an electric car!

The cruelty continues.