To draw a line under trying for a baby.

I 100% get not wanting to go down the route of IVF, we haven't been trying as long, but also as of yet unsuccessful and it isn't for me either. With IVF it's you and your body that has to take the strain, if you don't want to do it, you shouldn't.

Would you be open to adopting?

I think you're done Op, you've tried for years and you've now accepted it probably won't happen. The people who are desperate for IVF haven't reached that acceptance and don't understand your viewpoint.

What would it involve for him, what would it involve for you?

It's easy to say carry on if you're not the one facing procedures!

you say your husband is the broody one and that you've been of the "if it happens ,it happens" attitude...does he know that this is where you have stood all this time opinion wise? i honestly think you should stop trying and be honest with him about your feelings as it doesn't sound like you were ever that keen?

Yanbu at all! It sounds very sensible and healthy to do so. But your husband may feel differently by the sound of it.

We both test as ‘fine’ as well and no pregnancy after 3.5 years of ttc. I’m so sorry you’ve been going through this for 10 years. It’s totally up to you what you decide to do. We’ve tried IVF it hasn’t worked yet and we have 2 embryos left. I do Letrozole cycles as well . Nothing works and it’s so confusing.

This is completely your right - everything happens us and if it isn't something you want to explore that should be that!

I do understand that being hard on your husband though, if he really wants this - it will take time but he needs to realise it isn't something that can be done if you don't want it!

We had a conversation before TTC and my husband said if it doesn't happen, I'm not interested in trying IVF, it's clear that it's meant to just be the 2 of us and we would still have a wonderful life.

People seem to keep pushing the OP into trying IVF but not everyone is that desperate for a child.

we got told we couldn’t conceive and would need IVF. We didn’t go down that route as we didn’t want children that much. Stayed off BC for 10 years until my periods got that bad I had no choice.

I don’t regret not having a child and I’m glad now we don’t tbh. I was wanting a baby for all the wrong reasons.

sorry that was me going off topic but just to say, OP I respect your decision to stop actively trying for children but I would make sure your husband is on the same page.

Ivf can kill you. You don't undertake it lightly.
I would say go to counselling. You need to really listen to each other and explore in a safe space what your fears and desires are. Both of you.
That's not too much to ask of you.
And you need to talk about how long he'd want you to try and how many times and what financial limit you'd place.
I remember asking the ivf nurse this in an info session before we first started. Everyone laughed but she looked me dead in the eye and said no more than 6.
IVF changed me, not accepting infertility drove me mad and I'm honest started to drive us apart. 56 times of telling them dh no I wasn't pregnant. It was a miserable way to live. Getting home to Bham after miscarrying in Whipps Cross hospital and my ex telling me I could start next month. He was happy for me to put my body through hell - but when it worked he balked at getting the snip cos it would hurt. I feared him leaving if I couldn't give him kids - we were so lucky - but he left anyway
It's your body. But give him the courtesy of an open and honest discussion with a qualified neutral third party

If you want to continue to try naturally and before we offer advise have you tried everything else? Have you both been tested?

I think it's fairly obvious why someone wouldn't.
And it's no-one else's business.

I see.

Would you say he wants children more than you do, then?

Or do you want children as much as he does but really just not want to try IVF?

Do you think you might regret your decision in five years' time and wish you had tried it?

Would you consider fostering or adoption instead?

What does stopping trying look like for you? Does it mean just not actively trying anymore, or does it mean actually going back on contraception?

I think it would be worth exploring this together - maybe in couple's therapy - to work out how you really feel.

It's your body. Has he done any research into what goes into IVF? Particularly the risks of ovarian hyper stimulation? It's by no means a risk free or easy process. You shouldn't have to do it if you don't want to.

I think this is relevant.

From the little sample on this thread, women who were successful, particularly successful after one round, seem to be much more positive about IVF. My two friends whose IVF was unsuccessful after many rounds do not feel the same say.

Memory is a tricky thing once you add meaning to it. Many things are 'worth it' depending on the outcome.

OP, are you still there?

Of course, this is entirely your decision, but just joining others above to say that I didn't find IVF that hard.
Physically, it wasn't hard at all. Plus, it was all over quite quickly (difficult to remember now, but from beginning medications to getting a positive or negative test, was less than two months, maybe only 5 weeks? I don't recall now). Our second attempt was successful. I am sure this makes a difference - and that some of what makes IVF painful is when couples try for years, facing so many disappointments. But, if this is something you have wanted for 10 years, why not just try, say, 2 or 3 cycles, before deciding it isn't meant to be?

Honestly I'd give IVF one shot and then draw your line. Then you'll know you tried. But I say that as someone who had two babies from my only round, so that colours my view.

I think you are lucky that it worked first time - the traumatic, harrowing experiences are often when people have had multiple rounds (which is more trying on the body) and years of hoping and waiting. This is what I've been through, and yes it was hard at times - but I would do it again in a heartbeat.

I have been through a lot of fertility interventions and am now pregnant. We went through several years of trying and thinking it would never work for us, and it was a rough ride, but now here we are, and it's absolutely incredible. And we never would have been able to get here naturally.

I just wanted to say, please don't refuse IVF outright if the only reason is because you are scared of the unknown. It's totally understandable to be scared, but it might not be as awful as you think, and it might be worth it in the end.

If you do still on some level want a child, I would urge you to do your research and find out more about fertility treatments.

It might also be that a much less invasive treatment (IUI) is suitable for you, and you are absolutely not too old.

Of course, if you are really past the stage where you want a child, then it's completely your right to draw a line under it, whatever your husband says. If one person in a couple doesn't want a child, then that couple shouldn't have a child.

I'm just saying, please don't discount IVF out of fear alone. I would go through everything I have been through all over again to get to where I am now.

Best of luck whatever you decide.

Yes this is so true.

I think it can be really liberating to realise that you've come to the end of the road with something. There can be a lot of relief in giving up the struggle. Good for you, and I wish you peace with the whole process of letting go

We had unexplained infertility. We decided 40 years of age was my cut off and I didn't want to go IVF route for various reasons.

I had IVF, last cycle over 20 years ago now, and it was utterly shit. Everything that could go wrong did. Not trying to put you off OP, I’m sure techniques have moved on since I did it, but it is pretty gruelling. All your DH will have to do is wank I to a cup so it’s easy for him to be enthusiastic about it! It’s a perfectly valid choice to not want to do it.

For some it’s very hard, for others (me) it was really straightforward. Nothing painful, harrowing or upsetting about the whole process. I had one day off work and two healthy children as a result. I’ve never told anyone I had IVF, told work I had a few dentist appointments for an abscess on my wisdom tooth.

IVF was a walk in the park compared to labour.

I’m not minimising how awful it can be for some women, but I would hate women to be put off what can be a relatively easy experience.