Kissing grandparents

He’s not even her granddad, he’s a step grand father. Absolutely not. In childhood SA cases it’s so frequently a grandfather figure. He should not be insisting on ANY type of physical affection, you need to teach your child about bodily autonomy and then educate the adults around her on respecting her boundaries. I don’t even hug my own nieces or close friends kids without their express consent, and I make sure I do it in a way that makes it explicitly clear it’s their choice and offer a high five if that’s preferred. He has no right to force her to do anything and you as a parent need to make it clear to him that you won’t allow that behaviour to continue - you can do this in a kind way that doesn’t put any shame on his past behaviour and pitch it as she’s getting older and learning about her body/her choice etc.

Absolutely not....this screams red flags to me.....and I hope she sleeps in the same room as you whilst staying there too.

You just can't be too careful sometimes....once abuse happens the damage is done.

Parents lip kissing; maybe okay if child is okay with it. We kissed our boys on the lips when they were young, but they soon let us know when they had grown out of it.

Other relatives though……nope! I would be very uncomfortable with this.

So you haven’t asked him to not do it? It doesn’t sound as if he is insisting it just sounds as if it is a natural part of his family dynamics.

I'd say to all family members we are going to do hugs not kisses now she's getting older. And treat it as an age thing. Teach dd it's ok to say no thank you

Your son sounds like a lovely boy.

My DS was like a clingy Koala from a baby until about 4 and even as a 6ft 16 year old who needs a shave he barely leaves or enters a room I am in without giving me a hug. He is very tactile and loves a back rub from me and says "love you Mum" a lot and I NEVER kissed him on the lips after around 4 or 5 and he would be horrified if I did now.
People can choose to do what they want as long as all parties are fully consenting but not kissing your children on the lips is certainly not sad in any way nor does it mean you can't show affection in a physical way at all

It’s the forcing it that is making people uncomfortable. It’s clearly not the norm in this family yet the grandmothers husband is ‘insisting’ a five year old girl does it.

that is a small red flag that can be easily dealt with - and an eye kept on the situation.

hopefully he’s just a bit of an eejit who hasn’t picked up on the child’s mothers discomfort.

@ilovepixie

These people who say I've never kissed my own children on the lips are very sad.

In what way am I sad?

My children have grown up both feeling and being told they are loved always - I didn't need to kiss them in the lips to achieve that.

I'm not really against parents kissing their children in such a way, but I'm not having a go and calling them 'dad' for being different either. What makes you need to do that?

Wow this has been interesting for me! I am 36, still kiss my parents on the lips goodbye. I also kiss my children on the lips too.

I'd never insist on it, nor for my children either. If my child said no to kissing, we'd just say wave goodbye instead.

My girl (and me in fact) kiss my dad and dad's side of the family on the lips. Always have and it's never been weird. Same with my mum till we lost her. However not my mum's side, don't know why but it would be weird. Totally depends on the relationship you have with the person, how both parties feel. Sometimes it's weird, sometimes it's not

Me neither and we are all very close. He sounds like a nonce I would be concerned.

I never kissed my children on the lips. The only person I kiss on the lips is my husband.
So many people have cold sores, it's not worth the risk.

personally I wouldn’t be comfortable with this

Jesus Christ why do people sexualise everything. I was kissed on the lips when I was a wee girl as were other family members. A kiss is a lovely way to show affection! These people who say I've never kissed my own children on the lips are very sad.

By insist I mean he will bend down and hug her and say something about a kiss. He's a very touchy person in general. I just didn't like it thats all as she's getting older so

I will have a chat with her to see how she wants to greet family members

Have a chat with him. He needs to stop asking your child to kiss him.

Of course you should also be discussing body autonomy and consent with your DD, but the real solution is to tell the adult to stop.

Mumsnet is psycho about this. I won't engage with the thread further than this, because I cannot be arsed. But I've said on multiple threads before-

There is nothing wrong with a peck on the lips between an adult and child. I genuinely think there is a working class/middle class divide on this which shows on Mumsnet. Growing up very working class all children kissed adults on the lips and I have photos of me as a toddler at weddings kissing the bride and groom on the lips. This was always between close family and friends and is perfectly normal. It's cultural just as French teachers will kiss their pupils multiple times on each cheek.

What is wrong, however, is that grandad is "insisting". No child should have to kiss or cuddle anyone they don't want to.

Anyone troll hunting and getting their knickers in a twist over this is nuts. If you don't want to do it in your family, that's fine. But there's nothing wrong with it whatsoever.

My daughter is a similar age and we have many chats about choices with our bodies and I always ensure she knows she can say no to hugs/kisses and like PP will give closed choices as to how to say goodbye ‘how do you want to say goodbye to Uncle Liam, a hug or a high five?’ - I feel like this shouldn’t be an issue if you’re regularly reminding her of her choices and her voice.

How does he insist? If she kissed his cheek would he ask for it on the lips - weird. If she said no would he do it anyway? Is she even asked? I don’t find kissing kids on the lips weird, each family to their own, but I would if you can tell she’s uncomfortable/forced in anyway and especially if she isn’t asked or given the opportunity to say no.

Sadly some peoples lives do involve making false posts on here to get their rocks off talking about children being kissed or teenage boys in Uggs or all sorts of things you wouldn't imagine.
Its best that someone report any concerns so MNHQ can check.
If you are genuine (and I see no reason to suspect you may not be) then you have nothing to worry about do you hun?

Reported just in case OP. Not having a go at you. But there are a lot of weirdos on here.

It's disgusting he insists on it, I would never let that happen, it's giving me such bad vibes