To want to leave my husband

I remember from other posts weeks down the line her saying she was pregnant and was still with him.
She also said it was her first baby with him - despite her mentioning their 5 year old DD in this post - who knows what was actually real?!

Playing for you OP 🙏

I realise OP has not been back since January, but I do hope you managed to get away

Omg Op get out he’s a controlling twat. Take the kids somewhere get out now he wants you for your income there cannot be any other reason why would anybody in there right mind make somebody marry them when they clearly don’t want to. Can you stay with somebody else? Honestly don’t take any more shit from him see a solicitor get your annulment tell solicitor he forced you to marry him by blackmailing you about the kids. He is going to feel humiliated as well as you but you being strong you can rebuild your life again. Staying with him will probably end your life. Don’t live this way. His kids sound awful but he sounds a million times worse.

You are in an abusive relationship and I think you will be needing support to get out. Take any support you can get even if you don't think it's right as it could lead you to other, more tailored, support.

Go to your GP and see if they can signpost you to local DA groups etc. This means it should hopefully be noted on your records.

Email or call Women's Aid or Refuge.

Talk to your friends and family - abusers rely on their victims silence and shame. Don't keep quiet any longer. Talk to the school for both your children, they need to be aware too.

The longer you stay married the more he will be entitled to your savings etc. A short marriage of one year might mean you walk away with what you had at the time of your vows. Do NOT delay.

YABU for staying so long and putting up with so much.

You deserve better than this. You ARE better than this.

Agreeing to disagree is okay.

Quite. For example, the user I was responding to could have agreed to disagree with me, because, in your words, "that's [my] view".

You could also agree to disagree with me over "my view", rather than telling me to stop pressing my agenda "over and over" (twice, incidentally).

if you are in England or Wales, OP, you cannot have your marriage annulled. It has been consummated, you are not related , neither of you is currently married to someone else, and your husband is not in the process of declaring himself to be a woman

However, you can apply for a legal separation.

I was replying to another user who called me 'absurdly cruel'. I was defending myself, as you are doing now.

You're clearly incapable of meeting him half way because your wishes get entirely subsumed by his, so you need to be absolutist and just disregard him entirely. No compromise, just do what you want every time (that's what he has been doing after all).

So this man coerced you into losing your house and your son, and into a marriage that you didn't want? And he somehow blocked you from your bank accounts?

You need to stop asking his permission and taking his feelings into account. It doesn't matter what he wants or what he says. His feelings are no longer your concern. Be selfish. You owe him nothing.

The situation where she knew she shouldn't have married him but did it anyway? Four months after her son had moved out to get away from this man and his children?

Ok well Im not calling you an idiot and I don’t think that is helpful to you so unless it us jyst ignore the bashing you are getting from some pisters.

WHEN YOU KNOW BETTER YOU DO BETTER. So now you know that this man is dangerous and you are vulnerable to manipulation snd coercion start to put things in place to protect yourself from being brow beaten back into line.

You don’t owe your abuser anything. Look at the situation and figure out who you can depend on—any ride or die friends? Will your father back you up? Then just move out and cut direct communication. Have all communication go through a solicitor you instruct. Don’t respond immiediatly to either pleas or threats. Wait 48 hours and consult with your solicitor before making any decisions on a response.

Since he can easily manipulate you getting clear us the first priority. After thst its all about negotiation if the exact terms if the divirce. But the separation itself is not negotiable.

I have to agree, it looks like you’re choosing a man and his thoroughly obnoxious kids over your son who’s moved out to get away from the situation. Don’t hang about, get away asap.

Oh stop! This is absurdly cruel given the situation she is describing.

Look: you are describing a situation in which you have tried and tried to get out but always get sucked back. You are obviously being coercively controlled by him very skillfully and it is very difficult to leave such a relationship. Maybe some people here at mumsnet, or even in the real world, won’t understand that because his manipulation and abuse are large psychological and covert. But this is the case. Despite feeling uneasy and knowing the marriage was wrong you still went through with it. Now you are wishing for an annulment? That is not likely to be the easiest route out—thiugh t would feel great to annul the marriage as it would feel like a public slap back at him.

Go back to your father, if he would be supportive, and consult with a skilled local lawyer. What are your rights towards your dh and his family property if you stay married, and if you divorce? What are the risks to your own property if you divorce?

Can you offer a swop that appeals to them where you renounce claims on his property in order to get out?

You need to do whatever you can to leave—think of it like gnawing your paw off to getbout of a trap. Frankly, if you can, I would just take your little girl and leave. Tell him you will share his lies, incompetence, and sexual dysfunction if he doesn’t let you leave amicably and quuetly. Just act to dissolve the marriage and separate unilaterally if you can not start divorce proceedings right away.

You owe your son a fuck of a lot of grovelling. And no, you are not "really close"- someone who is "really close" to their son wouldn't choose a man and his kids over him.

Where does your son live and how old is he? Apologies OP if you already answered this.