To divorce my husband just so I have to spend less time with my baby

I'd definitely go back to work in your shoes. I was happy with my firstborn, but still went back to work a month earlier than planned - it was so good just to sit on the tube 3 days a week and not be 'mum'; honestly it works better for a lot of people.

If you still feel negative towards baby after getting a break, I'd look for help. It's hard to say for certain if it's PND (although literally feeling like you want to give the baby away suggests it to me) or just not being a SAHM type and having a particularly needy baby. Who, as others have pointed out, will not be a needy baby in perpetuity.

Good luck with sorting something out, but honestly I'd say it sounds like your husband is not the issue - you need to 'find yourself' and are miserable with everything feeling dominated by the baby, which I totally get

I think that before even considering this seriously you should explore the possibility of Post Natal Depression or Post Pregnancy Thyroiditis.

Both are very common, very treatable and could be the source of how you are feeling right now.

Was the birth traumatic OP?

Please let us not tone police the OP.

Please know that you are not alone in finding it tough. Babies are hard work and really quite boring. They give nothing back for the first few months. I joke with my DH that if we divorced I’d get more me time from my 4 year old but you seem to be quite extreme so I would second the other suggestions to please speak to your GP.

This is very relatable for a lot of new mums.. when my son was born 18 years ago I actually thought it was a conspiracy to tell women how wonderful motherhood was just so we would all join the ‘shit club’ .. I was the stay at home parent too and I found the whole mothering relentless and overwhelming. I had PND and didn’t realise until I spoke to my gp and got help.
Don’t get me wrong, there were still parts of parenting I found dull but I was better able to cope with those bits.
As many people have said, it does get better.. my kids are 18 and 12 now and Ï absolutely love being their mum.
please please speak to your gp and hubby and if you can, get a babysitter one evening a week so you have something to look forward to for yourself every week.. and I would join a class for another night and leave bub with your hubby.. you do need some time to re charge the batteries.. can hubby take your baby to his parents for an afternoon some weekends just so you can watch some movies or read a book in peace?
At my worst my husband used to check me into a cheap b&b for the odd night so I could get some space and rest.
Chat with your hubby and any other trusted family members.. there is no shame is asking for help..You’ve got this OP..

OP, I know you don't want to hear this but your post does scream PND. You deserve to feel better than this, so do see your GP for some support.

That said, the early days are very hard work and relentless - but that doesn't last. They aren't like this for 18 years.

Things will get easier. Speak to your health visitor.

The best bit of advice I was given (by another mumsnetter in fact) was to not even consider divorce in the first year of becoming parents. Having a baby changes everything, it doesn’t matter how easy or difficult your kid is, your relationship will never be the same and the first year is all about learning to be a parent and also navigating a new way of living not only as a family but as a husband and wife as well.

The first year is really challenging and when it’s get to toddler years it’s challenging in a whole other way. Kids test your patience and there are often times I sit and think back to our baby free times and how much easier and simplified life was, but at the same time I couldn’t imagine my life without my child in it.

I don’t want to presume as I’m not a professional, but from what you have said it does sound likely you could be suffering from PND. I suffered without realising for 5 months, it can be really challenging but there is help available. It doesn’t make you a bad parent for needing a break. Do you have any friends that you would feel comfortable watching her for a hour or so, so you can go out to lunch by yourself and have a short break?

Going back to work is probably what you need for your peace of mind. Realistically if you do divorce your dh will stick her into 8am-6pm childcare anyway and that can be arranged without the expense of a divorce.

Do not be caught in the trap of thinking that your wages have to exceed the nursery fees to be "worth it". You and your dh are corporately responsible for your child's care, it does not automatically fall to you. You are individually responsible for only 50% of the care needed and he is responsible for the other 50%. You have as much right as he does to outsource some of that care. He has as much responsibility as you do for the remaining care during nights and weekends. Arranging this fairly does not require a divorce.

You may well be in the grip of PND too. Getting back to work asap may help.

Get nursery sorted and talk to your GP about PND.

As others say you should see your GP.

Longer term, when are you returning to work? Can the return date be brought forward? I was a sahm for a few years and going back to work saved my sanity (i should have done it earlier).

Can you afford a nanny/childcare and instead you go back to work early?

And how can you kick a desperately struggling new mother when she's down? You ought to be ashamed of that comment.

I could’ve written this ♥️ I have no answer but you’re not the only one who thinks this way op xxxx

@LampLamp do seek some professional help and let them evaluate if it is PND. I'd be surprised if there is not some medical factor as, No quite simply divorcing someone you have been married too for a long time purely so you can spend less time with your child is not rational.

Not saying its not how you feel but it is worth spending time with a professional and evaluating your feelings. There are so many possibilities out there

I remember really not liking the baby stage. Maternity leave was dull. I loved her, of course I did, but she wasn’t interesting. I basically kept her alive. And I lost a bit of myself because I liked work. No one tells you this with the whole #makingmemories shit.
I suppose what I’m saying is, if you are like me, different stages of life make a difference. I was no good at guessing what mine wanted; once she started talking it was a game changer. Then when she became a proper person (7/8) a whole new stage again.
You won’t always have a baby.
Don’t make any drastic decisions now, but speak to your DH about how you feel. You might need some help. Or you might just need to get some normality back.
Good luck.

It's bloody hard, I remember googling what age a baby could go to nursery because I was finding it so hard in the early months. It will get better. Can you put baby in childcare a few days a week to get some time back for yourself? Having a break and getting some proper sleep really does help dealing with it all the rest of the time

I can remember looking at my much loved eldest when he was a demanding baby and saying out loud, before I had you I had a job, a life and I wasn't covered in sick. Babies are very demanding and if you are sleep deprived it feels like torture. However it does get better. My approach was to go out, with baby, a lot. We were hardly ever in the house. Everything seemed much easier. And he didn't seem to cry so much.

We didn’t discuss divorce but we did tag team in the early years. One would have the DC and the other would go out….gym, cafe, cinema..,,anywhere! we were basically apart almost every evening for weeks at a time!

could you do something like this @LampLamp

Our daughter went to nursery 3 days at 5 months, 4 days at 6 months and 5 days at 7months. Still does 5 days now, until school starts in September.

If our daughter wasn’t at nursery, I’m not sure we’d have coped. My wife is a wonderful mother, but it’s a massive change to lifestyle and it affected us both harder than we expected, even now.

Things do get easier, but there are other hurdles that are thrown at you on the way. The best advice we received was “everything is a phase”, when things are bad it’ll get better. When things are great, it will go wrong at some point I.e chickenpox

Sometimes accepting you need support is better, nursery was the best thing for us.

And when u went back to work it was better as I got a break, work is easy in comparison

I felt like this and it took a long time to look back and realise that this was either PND / trauma from a difficult birth / exhaustion from lack of sleep and a baby who did nothing but scream (probably a mix of all 3). I think it was when I had my 2nd and I felt totally different (easy birth and plenty of sleep) that I realised things were not right the first time round.

I remember thinking that I can't do this for the next 18 years that I'm responsible for this poor baby. Believed it was all a big mistake, resigned myself to the fact that I just wasn't cut out to be a parent and also thought there was no way out because if I put my baby up for adoption someone (my husband or my parents) would sweep in and take her on. I've still never told anyone this.

Now I'm so sad that in 6 years time my baby will be 16 and those years have flown by and i have to start letting her go and find her own way in the world. She's been my best buddy for a decade and these years have been absolutely amazing other than the first difficult 6 months. There hasn't been a time that I haven't wanted her by my side. Even writing the above makes me feel ashamed but it's important to share these things.