To divorce my husband just so I have to spend less time with my baby

Ignore the unpleasant posts op. There's loads of us here who have felt similar to you and want to help you

Check out allergies - cows milk especially. Also if she’s crying when lying down but settles when upright against your chest them get her chest checked for asthma. My DD didn’t sleep and cried all the time - egg, dairy allergies and asthma. Once on asthma meds she could sleep instead of only sleeping in the pram sitting up.

Exactly. I was babbling nonsense. The 2004 tsunami happened and I barely noticed it. I was so engrossed in myself. Also far from family.

Nobody will judge you. PND is very common.

I felt the same.

Some babies are harder than others.

Some people are more adaptable and resilient to having a baby.

Some people have more support.

If you get the triple whammy of hard baby/wrong personality type/little support it is really really hard.

I felt the same with DS 20 months. Although I think I did have post natal depression, as well. But saying it's PND seems to retract from how legitimately and objectively parenting him was, though.

It will get better. She'll probably be a little darling come this time next year and you'll have many happy years together as a mum and daughter duo.

But I know that's not massively helpful at the moment.

Feel free to PM. I understand.

You do need to speak to your GP. It’s normal to be tired and stressed when you have a young baby (and your DD is very young still) but your reaction and thought processes have gone askew somewhere. It also sounds like you haven’t bonded properly with your baby yet. There’s support out there that can help - please ask. You won’t be judged.

The first 12 weeks of a baby’s life are hard, the next 4 are a tiny bit better, and then the improvements become more obvious. Do you have a baby book? Some show you the stages, week by week and it can be really helpful to look and understand how normal things are - and, importantly, that these stages don’t last long.

Try to get out of the house each day. I had a baby that cried a lot to start with and the walks helped enormously. Pace yourself. Don’t aim to do much at all. Get a cleaner in if you can afford it. Have a routine, nap when your baby naps, read/watch TV when she feeds so you have a break. Go to bed early. Keep taking a good multivitamin.

But mainly, ask for help.

I’d also add that your daughter is probably picking up on your stress, which will lead to her crying more from uncertainty. Once you’re feeling better, you might well find everything slots into place better with her too.

The reason it looks like PND (and I am deeply averse to online diagnoses) is because your thinking appears illogical. A classic sign of depression is being unable to reason yourself out of illogical perceptions. Your logical brain knows this is not how it will be for the rest of your life, but your catastrophising/depressed brain is telling you this. You owe it to yourself... and to your child ... to get some help. Please do it now.

I was the same 40 years ago. I went back to work when DD1 was four months old. Same with DD2 four years later. It makes a lot of difference to get some of your life back. In the meantime I agree with pp to see your GP for help too.

I'm sorry I didn't mean any offence to you or anyone struggling. It's just I thought if she is a mum herself she would know how hard it is especially becoming a mum for the first time so wouldn't shame another mum like that. I'm sure a lot of women struggling wouldn't be nasty. But I think mums should support other mums unless she was actively abusing or neglecting her child. Which it sounds like she is looking after her baby properly but can't help these feelings so is looking for support on an anonymous forum not actually saying all thus stuff to her child or treating them badly.

I had similar thoughts OP and this sentence hit home too: * "Honestly all she does is sleep (rarely) or scream.*"

It turned out that my DD had food allergies and was reacting to egg protein in my milk. If your child really is screaming all the time then perhaps her stomach is sore?

Regardless, the newborn stage is tough when it's the first one. Birth is horrible too. Honestly no-one would do it if they stayed like this forever. You just have to hold onto the belief that it gets better, because it really does.

I think regardless of what is driving this (regret or PND), you need some support to navigate it - talk to your GP and get the ball
rolling. Babies aren’t babies forever, it may be that toddler years etc will feel much easier for you. Or maybe you’ll arrange it with your partner that he takes more of the parenting and you take on more houseful/financial aspects of the tasks. Maybe you’ll hire a childminder who loves being with kids and you can take step back. But your child didn’t ask for this and deserves and needs love, attention and connection.

What a vile thing to say about infertile women. You should be ashamed of yourself, you're worse than the poster you responded to.

Gently - because I have read your other posts to check this isn't trolling....(AIBU is notorious for this and is liable to turn into a bunfight and this clearly runs deeper than you not liking the baby - although it seems as if that is the problem).

You are numb and you are depressed and really you have been this way for a long time due to trauma and so your feelings are perfectly understandable and valid, but going part-time with the baby won't actually fix anything.

You seem to be in a cycle of ...if you did this, then you will feel better....if that happened then things would look brighter.....if xyz worked, you could cope.....That is a lot of mental energy you are giving to a problem you will not really solve.

If you can reframe this into the mindset of having the baby is a good thing, because it will allow you to access those mental health services (post-natal) that you have not had access to before in your therapy journey, and this might be the switch or trigger or path that gets you some real and practical help.

It's really tough, I'm sorry.

Because we all acknowledge that having a baby is tough, and yes some cry more than others- my first screamed for her first 3 months. You say dh does lots, both round the house and looking after baby so you get afew hours to yourself, so it’s not that you are burnt out from trying to do everything. But the way you write really concerns me, your mental health and babies well being. Babies are hard, but talking about divorce and adoption is extreme and shouts like a big cry for help.

@LampLamp OP can you go back to work? Some friends of mine HATED being home on mat leave and they all gave great relationshipq with their children today. I'm a sahm who loved it but I totally understand we're all different and as a parent you're responsible to make sure your child is cared for- but that can be done by a childminder as well. It would be better for you and the baby if you spent less time together right now so you can get back on track. Promise, it will get better ❤️

I felt like this OP, although our family were a bit of use.
People will probably tell you that you have PND and maybe you do but you have also had a major life change and I know that going from an independent woman to a Mum and facing years of what at the moment is just bloody hard work is not easy. Especially if you aren't feeling that all encompassing love for your baby that you are meant to feel.
I COULD tell you it will get better but when I was where you are I wouldn't have believed it.
I don't know what to tell you to be honest OP other than you feel what you feel, in my case I just faked how I felt and leaned on DH A LOT until I started to feel like I could actually cope and be a decent Mother to DD.
From around 6 months old it did get better, DD started to interact and give something back rather than just be a job I would rather not have. From around 1 I started to really love her and it just grew from there really.
In purely practical terms though divorcing your DH could actually make things worse as you can't force him to have your baby and you could end up getting LESS of a break

@Iaminthefly I hope you get banned from Mumsnet forever.

@Ilovecakey, your post was disgusting too, bringing childless women into it.

Laminthefly - The only one with a vile attitude is you. This lady is quite clearly struggling with a newborn and needs some help and support.

I take it you don’t have children of your own from your response? Because no mother would respond in this way if they had any experience in bringing up a child. Kids are hard work, everyone has days where they don’t feel like they can continue but it’s the support of others (regardless of whether they are friends or strangers on the internet) that help get people through!

I’m sorry you’re in such a rough situation. Very young babies are such relentless work, and you seem to have a particularly restless one.

I had PND twice, was hospitalized the second time, and then spent six weeks in an intensive outpatient program with other mothers with PND. You have a difficult baby, and I’m not discounting that. But please, believe me, you are not entirely rational right now. I’ve always loved both my children, but I went through a period where I was seriously considering abandoning my older daughter at a fire station. I was actually counting hours and days until our area’s time limit for that ran out.

Your baby’s not going to be like this forever, OP. I promise you. When I was having a rough time with my older daughter, I sat with her in our rocking chair and I told her (and myself) all the fun things we were going to do when she got older. And you know what? She did get older, and it did become enjoyable being her mother, and I’m eternally thankful I didn’t leave her at a fire station.

Your daughter needs to see a doctor about why she’s screaming (allergies?) and you need to see someone about all your feelings. I don’t know if you’re breastfeeding at all, but if you are and you’re prescribed incompatible medications, those are the priority over breastfeeding. I made the mistake with my second daughter of trying to martyr myself, refusing meds, and continuing breastfeeding, and that’s how I ended up hospitalized.

Don’t make any drastic decisions about being a wife or being a mother. You’re going through hell right now, but if you keep going you’ll come out the other side.

Can you go back to work early op?
Also, you say your husband walks the dog, can you take over that task so you're outside getting some air and exercise ? Preferably without baby but with baby in a sling/push chair if you have to.

Please don’t leave the thread. Please stick around and read what others are commenting who felt the same once and got through it. You will be ok. Everything will be ok 💐

You are unhelpful in any way.

Also perhaps you doing the dog walks would help, get out of the house etc. And DH having baby 8.30 to 12.30 at night is not really helping you to be able to feel like an adult human who can go and do things. You would be better off having an hour in the morning or the afternoon etc.

It is a really hard time..... You will get there. You just need more support and help.

Please do talk to someone in real life, a professional, a nurse even if not a therapist or GP or the below for some thing immediate

• Association for Post Natal Illness (APNI) – helpline on 020 7386 0868 (10am to 2pm, Monday to Friday) or email [email protected].
• Pre and Postnatal Depression Advice and Support (PANDAS) – helpline on 0808 196 1776 (11am to 10pm every day) or email [email protected].

Hey many suffering from infertility wouldn't say that!

Phone your GP tomorrow asking for an urgent appointment. You need help.