To divorce my husband just so I have to spend less time with my baby

Divorce seems rather drastic if you are otherwise happy. Surely the best solution is to get back to work?

You are not "stuck with maternity leave". You don't have to take as much of it as you are entitled to. You have a choice. When I had my first child, most women I knew went back to work at 3 months.

I presume that you have had your baby checked out by the doctor and that there is no medical reason for her to cry a lot?

Some babies just do seem to scream a lot. My sister had one that did. She was only really quiet when on the move - either being pushed in her pram, or being driven, or sitting in an electronic swing. If I remember rightly she was much better by about 4 months so you could be half way through the worst.

Good luck.

Hi op. I felt like you with dc1.

Dh was a sahd.

I fed baby and passed him to dh. I rarely held him except for feeding. He cried a lot. I didn't love him. It felt endless and dull and the worst mistake I'd ever made. I was never alone with baby, dh took charge

Mil stepped in when baby was 3 months old. Took me to GP, I started on medication and counselling. Making sure I got enough sleep. Things did get better and I started to love the small screaming person that was ruling my life

At the time I thought I was thinking perfectly clearly and rationally. I had the thoughts about leaving dh with the baby and starting again. But turns out I wasn't.

Pls talk to someone. Anyone. Doesn't have to be GP

I actually remember walking past a prison one day and thinking seriously how nice it would be to be in there on a less serious charge, for a few weeks' break!!

Yes but she's not stupid, everyone knows that's what babies do.

It's common to feel that one's only worth is now as a mother. To feel over burdened and without choices, sleep, hobbies or friends. Don't divorce but make plans to arrange your life differently.
Ideas..
Find paid childcare for your daughter for one day per week. Go back to work for a short day. Keep up or start a hobby.
Do you like sketching? You could do artwork with the baby in the pram in lovely gardens near where you live.
Take a daily walk, or two, outside with the baby every day.
Visit local libraries and join in with their story time activities; meet local mothers for coffee dates.
Hire a baby sitter once per fortnight and go out with your husband.
Do something enjoyable every day.
Your daughter will start to communicate with you more as she gets older and that could vastly improve how you feel about spending large tracts of time with her.
Don't feel guilty if you want to go back to work full time before she is nine months. She will be well looked after if you find qualified child care.
Confide in your child care nurse as to how you are feeling.
They can put you in touch with useful and enjoyable groups and suggest ways to manage your situation.

Not really, I am simply pointing out that most of us have been there.

I don't think it is the baby that is the issue, OP appears to have PND.

Go back to work OP. Put the baby in nursery and divide her care with DH when not working. You just need some space.

Have read all OP posts.
Like pp I also remember thinking how do people do this/have another etc in early months and he wasn't constantly screaming. Like you we had no one nearby so v much on own.
If you divorce you will have 50:50 care. Would you speak to your husband, who doesn't seem to be the problem at all and try to do 50:50 as much as possible for the time being so you can get the very definite down time and breaks without the huge negatives of divorce? It should get easier. It is very difficult for you to feel like this. Your dc may also be absorbing your feelings and that won't help her settling. Perhaps with the proper breaks for yourself, and I'd pay for them if your husband works late etc, you'll be able to tolerate things more. Solidarity and wishing you the best.

I sympathise OP. I felt like this at 3 months, would have quite happily walked out the door and divorced my husband to have become a part time parent. I honestly felt like I'd made the worst mistake of my life It's very hard when you have a new baby and nothing to compare it too.

However you won't have a baby forever. They won't always be whinging, grizzling and screaming forever even though it feels like they will now. They'll sleep through sooner than you know and things won't feel so heavy. I have a 2.5 now and while it's not always sunshine and roses and they are hard days (as with everything else), I absolutely adore being his mum and I'd be heartbroken to not be around him and think he's the best thing I've done in my life. If you told me that at 3 months I would feel this way, I would have thought you insane.

I know you don't have any support but is there any way you can arrange some respite. Even a childminder or nursery a few days a week. I know it's expensive and people here are very generally against childcare at a young age but if it gives you a bit of a break and allows you to bond better with your LO, I'd definitely consider it. Also please reach out for support, my HV were amazing with supporting me.

Looks like OP won’t be back. Well done to the vile posters who kicked a woman when she was down. Start the year as you mean to go on, eh.

Problem with that is it reminds you of life pre baby but its only temporary and then you have to look after him/her again and it all comes crashing down on you

This is what babies do

That has to be in the top 3 most unhelpful and most pathetic things to say to a struggling mother of a newborn.

Almost as bad as My baby's slept through the night since they were a week old.

I hope OP gets the support she needs.

It’s interesting that men get to check out of their babies and children’s lives but when women do it, it’s unthinkable.

Please come back OP. It was so brave to come here in the first place.

The other illogical thought is that divorce is a rout out of this dilemma ... these are the disordered thoughts of depression and need tackling. Really OP you need some help. PND is very common ... you need to try and recognise what us happening and seek help.

Ah OP, I'm so sorry you feel this way. The early days are so hard. Divorcing your husband isn't the answer though.

Go and see your GP as a first step. PND is very prevalent and tough to deal with. Make plans to go back to work earlier with childcare or your husband taking some time.

And rest assured this is not what it will be like forever. 2 months is so intense and overwhelming. But mine are now 10 and 6 and a breeze. It will get better very quickly.

Oh do bore off with your judgment.

Can your dh look after the baby for a night.
Book a hotel. And sleep.
Get a babysitter/cleaner in.
And speak to the health visitor. Even if it's not PND she'll be supportive and kind and discuss your worries.

what you're describing sounds exactly like postnatal depression. Please speak to
your GP. If you love him
and the marriage is a good one,
don't sacrifice it for time away from your baby. ,

Oh OP, you’re not the first and certainly won’t be the last to feel this way. DS is 23 now but I still remember bringing him home from hospital, sitting in the sofa and bursting into tears because I was so overwhelmed with it all.

For the first 6 months, he did nothing but scream and nap. It very nearly broke me. I’d spend hours driving around or out walking with him in the buggy because those were the only times he wasn’t screaming incessantly. DH would get home from work and I’d already have my shoes on ready to go out. Sometimes I’d just sit in my car and cry for an hour.

Slowly it got better. DS started sleeping in 4 hour chunks at night and I’d make sure I went out without him at least once a week. Then I went back to work four days a week and that made a huge difference. Just some adult conversation and being able to have a lunch break and a hot cup of tea was like winning the lottery for me.

It will get better. I agree with the suggestions of a nursery place as soon as possible and think about an early return to work.

Its not shocking, she feels how she feels and its fine for her to express that her on an anonymous forum.
Would you rather she keep quiet in case she makes you feel uncomfortable?

Do you not recognise that your posts are also unpleasant and nasty?

How about women who don't actually want babies?

That poster was vile enough that you could just about have thrown anything at her/him.

No-one needs to have or even want a baby to know that.

I agree nobody can know how they will feel especially if PND is involved. I do, however, believe most people have an understanding that children are a massive responsibility and do upheave your life.

I’m stuck with maternity leave and relentless grizzling, screaming and shit. Honestly all she does is sleep (rarely) or scream.

This is what babies do.

No you aren’t. I have been where you are and frankly while I do understand how you feel your attitude to your much wanted daughter is shocking.

Babies are tough. Life with a baby is tough. Married life with a baby is tough. It’s relentless, soul destroying and hard. I said to my husband before we had ours that we would promise not to leave each other in the first year of the baby’s life. During that time it was the closest we had ever come.

It does get infinitely better as kids get older. You need to get out more and do things that aren’t baby related.

Divorcing your husband is very extreme to solve a problem that will get better over time.

YABVU