To divorce my husband just so I have to spend less time with my baby

It really does get easier. You may be depressed so speak to your doctor. Antidepressants may help you cope better.
Being a single parent will be by far the toughest option so I'd only recommend going it alone if you're really unhappy in your marriage and there are underlying problems that you can't resolve. Also, there are no guarantees your partner will do his share of childcare if you split, and legally you can't force him. Speaking from bitter experience.
Eventually you'll build up a support network, you'll get more sleep, your child will settle. My really miserable DD became a lovely sunny child (mostly!) when she learned to talk.

It doesn't have to be PND – it sounds like you have an exceptionally discontent baby (maybe due to a medical issue, maybe just temperament), are sleep deprived and aren't enjoying the very little baby stage. Honestly, who would enjoy those circumstances? You can get through it, but you can also want to run away. A discontent 2-3 month old can be a very very tiresome thing and it's entirely thankless.

I remember my twins being great little newborns – slept a lot. I went out to cafes and walks. No issues. And then came about 6-8 weeks old, and they stopped napping in anything more than 30 minute burst. At least one was always awake all day and all night, and at least one was crying at any point. I really disliked maternity leave – I love my job and found it almost impossible to leave the house without help. I also well remember my sister with her first born – another constant crier who would never be put down. I remember by sister saying she has ruined her life too!

This shitty phase will absolutely end, even though it doesn't feel like it. Do you have to take 12 months mat leave? I only took 6 months and my husband took the following 6 months. Do you have the spare money to spend on a maternity nanny occasionally?

You don't have to feel like a horrible person. Childhood is full of many differing stages – some of them far more enjoyable and suited to you as a person.

She's not going to be a tiny baby forever. In a years time she'll be up and running about. Everything will be different. Don't make any rash decisions, it's early days. Get some help from your health visitor.

This is the strangesr advice ever.

It is not unknown to feel like you do and you are very brave to speak about it . It agree with you about labels, it is important not to try and slot how you are feeling into a category.

The next major hurdle is to speak about it out loud. May I suggest the Samaritans. They have a wide range of expert councillors who will listen without judging. Hopefully that first step to speaking about how you feel might be the key that unlocks the door of further help.

Meanwhile make a plan for your escape route. Look at all the options and pitfalls. If you do divorce and strike out on your own you may find that you are spending more time with the baby.

To echo what others have said, speak to a GP.

But also remember, having kids isn't for everyone. Speak to your husband about it and, if you want out, he might be happy for you to leave. Just ensure to chip in for the maintenance and leave them to it (men do this all the time). He might then meet someone who wants to be a mother to your child.

I know that sounds harsh, but it's not meant to be. But the child must be the priority. So if you can't give it what it needs, and it's not what you need, then do what's best for the baby.

I had a refluxy baby too OP. It is horrendous. They are such unhappy babies! I would see other mums set their babies down to sleep contentedly in prams or Moses baskets, or leave them burbling on a playmat, and then I would sit by myself and cry because I could never do that - mine was distraught any time I laid him down. He didn’t sleep unless held, day or night, and he was sick 30 times a day. I truly, truly hated those early months.

His reflux improved virtually overnight at about six months and things got SO much easier. You wouldn’t believe the difference it makes when they nap in their cot and sleep even 3 or 4 consecutive hours at night.

I truly feel for you because I know exactly how hard things are for you right now. When you’re in it you truly cannot imagine that it will ever end or that you will ever feel ok again. I am here to promise that it will get easier, you will feel happier, better days are coming. One day you’re going to look back, and this period will be a memory not your reality, and you will just be really proud that you made it through this time.

I went back to work when mine were 12 weeks. It helped with my mental health so much.

Even if you can’t get back to work yet for whatever reason, look up some childcare and see if you can get her in nursery for a bit.

@LampLamp you can go back early if you want, your employer can end their contract early if need be.

I returned early to have a break from my one with silent reflux when she was 6 months old.

Please look at milk allergies. Even if it's just through your milk.

Mine grew out of hers but she looked burnt. I drank a lot of milk, ate yoghurt, cheese etc. My DD is still allergic to soya so watch that too.

If this real @LampLamp you need to talk to someone as this doesn't sound normal to me. It's normal to struggle with the newborn stage but seriously thinking of divorce and only seeing your kid barely half the time is very extreme. She won't be a newborn for long, soon she'll be smiling, laughing, moving, reaching out when she sees you. She'll be talking, making you laugh, pottering around with you. Yeah she'll scream and tantrum and keep you up at night but that's kids.

I've edited since seeing your update op. Eat that chocolate. Sing to those songs. When you go home have a cry with your husband if you think it will help. Call your HV or gp in the morning and just reach out for support. It's awful when they're crying loads but honestly it does get better. Don't make any huge decisions when you're in the thick of it like this. X

This. I can see from your previous threads that you have had MH struggles in the past OP. Please be kind to yourself and get some help now. You don’t need to suffer like this.

One of the things about depression (of all kinds) is that it doesn't feel like depression, it feels like a clear objective understanding of the situation.

Are you ok? Genuinely. It's really hard, isn't it?
Please don't do anything in haste. You're lashing out at the moment, out of tiredness, unhappiness and frustration. All of which is understandable! But it does get better, so please don't do anything you'll regret.
For now, you need to communicate and tell the father of your child that you need more space to be on your own. Having a baby is a massive upheaval to one's life. Newsflash: your life will never be the same again! But you need to do what you can to make it bearable, and to feel like your old self in as much as possible.
Best of luck

Ah my love, it's so hard. It is obvious you love her, or you would have neither noticed nor cared that you felt the way you do, as she would be low on your list. This time is shit, truly shit. And no-one will ever have experienced the exact same set of circumstances, so any condemnations are pointless, likewise any platitudes.

You do owe it to yourself to try to feel better, and before any nuclear options try to see a doc. Even if you don't think it is that, or that it will help, sometimes when you are in a fug you can't see out a d external help is needed. If that still doesn't help, then you know. But whatever state or stage she is at now is temporary.

Look into returning to work as well, they may be pleased to cut mat cover short and have you back

@LampLamp your more recent posts shine a different light on your position. Clearly there is something wrong that is causing all this crying and since your GP hasn’t been able to come up with a solution perhaps you could consider getting advice from a specialist paediatrician or paediatric dietitian?

If you wanted to start another thread stating what you are currently doing re feeding and what you have tried then you’ll get lots of advice though you need to give any changes a decent chance to work rather than rushing through lots of ideas willy nilly.

It’s incredibly hard having a baby with such distressing symptoms but it does get better and from my experience the hardest babies can turn into delightful placid little children and vice versa.

Take care. And step away from all thoughts of divorce- your DH sounds a good egg.💕

"I would just like to spend much less time trying to cope with the situation." @LampLamp That is great you have been able to verbalise this.

And any mother with young babies will be able to understand how tough it is, but we all feel it differently and perhaps for you its far worse and you need help to get over this hurdle.

Personally I don't think rushing back to work is the move to make that feeling go away, I think it is getting help and support and time plus changing things at home and ensuring your DH knows how you feel.

Work will just add another layer of pressure to your life another thing that you need to do, the worry of your DD will overwhelm work focus anyway

They do improve! I had a reflux baby. She was HARD to love. All the grizzling, crying, screaming, whinging.. it was tough and I regularly thought I couldn’t do it. She is now 13 and the absolute centre of my universe. Once she started talking as a toddler I was hooked. I’d see if you can go back to work early (I did) and stick it out. This phase does pass. I didn’t have any more babies!!

My 3rd had silent reflux and it was horrific experience parenting a screaming in agony baby.

Keep going back to the GP, keep phoning your Health Visitor.

Someone not some wine!

OP, things will get better. I wouldn’t say I was in your shoes and I mostly enjoyed mat leave but with DS1 especially the colic was tough and I had times when I felt very down- after years of trying, failed ivfs etc. You can’t tell any family or friends how you feel. But you should try to find so wine you can talk to.

When are you going back to work? Consider starting childcare earlier if you can. Both of mine were in nursery before 8 months - that’s how it was 24/16 years ago. They’re both very well adjusted people! And with my first, there were babies who had started at 4/5 months. Maternity leave was much shorter then.

Once the feeding situation improves things should get a lot better.

Get a second opinion about the reflux treatment. Our GP was telling us that she couldn't give her any more medication but we saw a different GP and a few hours later a paediatrician and the original GP had us on half the dose she should have been on of omperazole and told us we couldn't use omperazole and gaviscon at the same time when we could.
Original GP told me she absolutely couldn't be react to foods I was eating and the reality was she was reacting to 3 or 4 different foods every meal time.

I would also investigate cmpa and being touched out. I was completely touched out by my high needs baby. I got to the end of the day and absolutely needed some time where I wasn't touching or around another human to rest a little.

I just wanted to say that I am so, so sorry that this is this hard for you right now. Others are much better equipped to provide practical advice and support than I am but I just wanted you to know that even though I’m a total stranger, I’ll be thinking of you and hoping that everything turns a corner very soon for you.

OP, glad you have not left. Keep posting. You will get help on here.