To divorce my husband just so I have to spend less time with my baby

How are you getting on today, @LampLamp?

Could she be allergic to milk? It's something so easily missed by health care professionals but has a huge impact

Haven’t read the full thread yet but just wanted to say wow! I could have written this! I felt the same way at the same time and only just now at 15 months would I say it’s beginning to get better. I still find it tough. But I would also say that there are enjoyable moments now where I can see it won’t last forever. I had lots of support but wasn’t diagnosed with PND as such. One foot in front of the other really is all I could do (and still do!) and I can never understand people who have it all together. But managing is fine!

As others have said go to a specialist for reflux issue I also recommend hiring a night nanny if you can afford it. You would both have guaranteed down time then to recharge and face into it again, my child had reflux too and I remember feeling a bit like you describe and I wish I had gone to my GP but I kept talking myself out of it even though I really didn’t cope well and it effected my relationship with my partner. Focus on getting yourself into a good place to cope, also recommend GP.

From your longer post it’s sounds like your little girl is around 12 weeks? It’s such a hard period OP, please hang in there. There’s the peak of crying which is around 6-8 weeks and that’s hard plus you get so little back from them at that age. I found the sicky/colic phase was rough around 3 months but I appreciate reflux must be a million times worse. But once they can start holding their head up a bit, their digestive system seems to improve with less wind and sickness. That’s not far away for you now.

The hard days are so hard, especially with no support. Be kind to yourself. It’s ok to hate it, it’s ok to have bad days. Better days will come.

If you haven’t already looking at cranial osteopathy or oral tension specialist might be worth a shot to see if that helps baby with her reflux.

I often thought I would have made a great divorced dad. Motherhood would be too challenging for me but I would be a top notch divorced dad!

I had a baby in August. Like you, we have zero help. Zero. It does get better. Slowly and incrementally. You'll probably have the 4 month regression to deal with first, that broke me. But once we got over that, it's become a lot more manageable.

Read Buddhism for Mothers if you can in your evenings when husband has her - it will help you zoom out and see things in a different way. Hope you get in with your GP asap.

https://www.amazon.com/Buddhism-Mothers-Approach-Yourself-Children/dp/1742373771

What you are feeling is far from unusual. People say get better… sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn’t. Can you get a mothers helper or something few times a week to give you a break?

OP there is also added pressure if you have suffered infertility or lots of losses to enjoy every moment of your longed for baby, to savour it all. You don't have to enjoy everything. We who have struggled are much more likely to suffer from PND.

please speak to a GP. you sound unwell, and there is help. Does your DH know how you feel?

Please don't beat yourself up. PND is common.

Reflux is v tough. We tried the medical route and 8-13/14 weeks was horrific. I. The end a single session with a cranio sacral therapist worked wonders. Life changed completely. The thing is when you're so exhausted and in the complete trenches it is hard to come up with a plan as you're just coping from hour to hour. I remember the doc saying at 8 weeks it would get better around 4 months and it seemed a lifetime away, it is so hard to have perspective when you're in the thick of it and feel alone whilst there.

OP, I think you are grieving your old life and routine and are struggling to come to terms with a whole new way of life, as well as dealing with tiredness and hormonal changes.
You will get through this and despite how you feel now the sun will shine again and you won’t think about life before motherhood.
I would find a support group and also have a check up with your GP.
I have four, now adult, children and had exactly the same feelings after having my fourth.
We now have a wonderful relationship and a very special bond.
All will be well and my inbox is always open for you.

Reflux is so so tough and very hard to get to the bottom of.
In my experience GPs are hopeless.
Often, it's caused by milk intolerance and/or taking in too much air whilst feeding. So perhaps try and get prescription milk and wind, wind, wind.
'Positively parenthood' have a reflux support specialist who can help you get to the bottom of it. Throw some money at the problem.
In my experience the reflux won't completely go away but it will be considerably better by addressing the problem.
Good luck x

I’ve just walked out of house (she’s with her Dad before anyone else comes for me) and driven myself to a supermarket to buy chocolate which I’m now shoving into my face whilst sobbing listening to Absolute 90s.

My lovely, I'm so sorry you're finding this so tough and you eat every bit of that chocolate and buy some more for later.

Things will get better. She'll grow and her reflux will get better and she'll sleep better. In the meantime talk to your husband and go see your GP. It will pass.

It will get better a reflux baby is so hard and tiring ,my second grandson was like this he was referred to a paediatrician my daughter had to early wean him .Speak to your gp hopefully they can help you .

It's REALLY NOT for the rest of your lives OP. They're little for such a short time.

"The days are long but the years are short..."

You can come back in 10 years and tell me I was right but you just didn't notice at the time... And I'll tell you it was the same for every single one of us. x

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A reflux baby is super tough. Hopefully you can get to the bottom of it xxx

Have you seen a specialist OP re the reflux?

I would get referred or go private to see one. I did for my DC and the medication stopped the reflux. The reflux also went away after 6 months but it was really bad those first few months.

For some it works to see a chiropractor.

Tell the gp how much it is affecting your life and to take it more seriously.

This is a combination of PND and the baby months being really hard and shit, been there! If there’s any way at all you can afford to put baby in nursery for a morning or two a week then do it.

Sorry to hear you're having such a shit time of it @LampLamp, as many have already said, it is not uncommon to find the early stages really tough both physically and mentally. It's just not spoken about very often. I struggled when my son was tiny, to be honest I think I went a little crazy with sleep deprivation and constantly being on high alert. But it did improve and we all got through it. Asking for help is a vital step, even if you're not sure what help is needed. Hope things improve very soon for you x

No brilliant words of wisdom, @LampLamp but I struggled enormously after the birth of my first child and had many of these WTF have you done feelings. It does get better. Would urge you as many others have to speak to your GP.

Also, if you're anywhere in west central Scotland and want a coffee with someone who won't judge and gets it, feel free to message me.

Having a reflux baby is so hard. I'd definitely keep on at your GP, our son ended up having severe CMPA and was like a new baby when on amino acid formula.

I do remember the feelings of wanting to escape so bad. I remember talking to my counsellor about it as I'd had a multiple miscarriages as well. She said she had no data but she wasn't surprised that those of us that had gone through such hardship had such intense feelings of depression, despair etc. It's the pressure of wanting a baby and the heartache of getting there that once the baby is here and the expectation doesn't live up to thr reality that its no wonder we have these feelings of wanting to escape. She told me that when I spoke to her about wanting to divorce my husband, to be a part time parent that it was similar to being a flight and fight mode, the divorce part being the flight mode and these are usual reactions to stressors. Also that having this plan b, while I would probably never act on it, was also OK to have if it helped me feel I could cope by having an escape plan.

Definitely get all the support you can get.

That's shocking advice. What's best for baby, in nearly every single case, is to live with its birth mother or an adoptive mother from birth. Being abandoned by your birth mother is terribly traumatic to young children. Your scenario of suggesting OP leave her baby and let it - maybe -one day be mothered by another woman is really cruel and not in the best interests of either baby or OP.