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Original poster

To divorce my husband just so I have to spend less time with my baby

265 replies

LampLamp · 01/01/2025 12:52

My husband is a nice bloke, we get on well, we have decent enough sex, we’ve been married for well over a decade and generally plodded along okay. I want to divorce him.

In October I gave birth to our much wanted daughter. She’s lovely but genuinely I’d like to spend a lot less time with her.

I don’t earn enough on my own to keep the household going with all the bills, cars, pets and mortgage but my husband does, so I’m stuck with maternity leave and relentless grizzling, screaming and shit. Honestly all she does is sleep (rarely) or scream.

I am thinking about divorcing him purely to have less time with her. Upon returning to work, I could afford a one bed flat on my own even if I dropped to 3 days a week.
I am aware that sounds extreme but I can’t cope with the yapping, whinging and grizzling for the years to come. I’d happily be a once a weekend parent.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 01/01/2025 12:57

I'm so sorry you are finding it so relentless why don't you return to work sooner? Can look at starting childcare.

You need some time for yourself.

Flowers
Lookingforwardto2025 · 01/01/2025 12:57

I used to think it was the rest of my life too! It really isn’t, it is a few months. DS has been a doddle to parent from 12mo old after being a nightmare baby.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 01/01/2025 12:56

Have you told your husband this is how you feel?

Star81 · 01/01/2025 12:56

Have you thought about talking to your husband/ health visitor / family or a friend about how you’re feeling ? You’re still very much in the early days and it can feel overwhelming to us all. Maybe you’re needing a little additional support and may have some post natal depression while you can get help with. Please reach out to someone.

LadyTable · 01/01/2025 12:56

LampLamp · 01/01/2025 12:55

We have no help or support. Our family live a min of 4 hours away and are elderly/useless.
So we are stuck with this for the rest of our lives.

Worst decision I’ve ever made.

You're not stuck with it for the rest of your lives, it does get easier.

Have you spoken to your GP?

You only gave birth two months ago, it could be your hormones making you think less clearly.

ShineyMoonChild · 01/01/2025 12:56

I would urge you to speak to your GP or health visitor about how you are feeling.

How much is your husband doing at the moment? Can you ask him to do more? What do you need to get a bit of a reset? A long walk on your own? Book a massage? Lunch with friends? See if you can arrange some baby free time.

Pootles34 · 01/01/2025 12:56

I'm not voting on this op, as you're neither right or unreasonable. Does your husband know how unhappy you are? Does he take her on an evening or weekend?

Would you going back to work now be a possibility?

Also, open up a new thread re her screaming - doesn't sound right, possibly a medical thing?

Either way you need a break as you're not thinking straight.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 01/01/2025 12:56

You need to speak to your gp.

Lookingforwardto2025 · 01/01/2025 12:55

DH and I discussed getting divorced when DS was a baby purely so we would both get regular breaks. It does get better I promise!

Is your DH pulling his weight? When DH got home from work when I was on maternity he would be handed a screaming baby and was responsible for him until midnight while I went to bed early. Are you alternating lie in at the weekend? Also each take a chunk of weekend for yourselves. Saturday afternoon is your time, Sunday afternoon DHs.

MatildaTheCat · 01/01/2025 12:55

It’s quite extreme..

Have you factored in childcare costs?

Divorce is very expensive, you could buy yourself childcare now with that money if you just want a break.

What else is going on with you? PND can bring some quite extreme thoughts.

Original poster
LampLamp · 01/01/2025 12:55

We have no help or support. Our family live a min of 4 hours away and are elderly/useless.
So we are stuck with this for the rest of our lives.

Worst decision I’ve ever made.

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 01/01/2025 12:55

You're not the only one. Frank Skinner saud at one point his girlfriend wanted to leave him just to get a break. I think it's pretty normal to hate each other some of the time. But it gets better (usually).

You know it's OK to go back to work, yes? Why not do that first and see how you feel?

MidnightPatrol · 01/01/2025 12:54

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time OP. My baby was hard work too and I often thought ‘what have I done’.

The good news is, it does improve.

Until then, you need more help and opportunities every day to take a break.

How much is your DH doing? Do you have any other family nearby? Could you afford some help a couple of days a week?

LadyTable · 01/01/2025 12:54

Have you spoken to your GP?

The early stages are so tough, do you have any support?

Does your husband know how you feel?

Eviebeans · 01/01/2025 12:53

Have you told anyone how hard you are finding it? Do you have any help or support?

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