To worry people won't want to be friends with me because of my age

My ‘mum’ friendship group ranges from one being 39 to one being 51 and everyone else somewhere in between. We all bring something different to the group and have a great time with each other. Age never comes into it.

I’ll be 71 next week (😱) Of course I have friends who are around my age, but I also have lots of friends who are mid 40’s to mid 50’s in age. They view me as a contemporary because I relate to them as women who still work or run businesses of various kinds, have school and kids and are not yet menopausal! It really doesn’t matter that you are a few years older (and wiser!!) … be yourself and relax.

I posted upthread.

I’m 44. I moved to an area where the people with the same ages kids as me are all under 30. I am really friendly, but aside from my youngest being the same age as theirs, we have fuck all in common. They don’t want to be my friend other than the odd play date. Aren’t interested in anything else I’ve asked if they want to do (come over, go out, anything).

People my age seem to have totally moved on in life, or to be honest, are just sat at bingo drinking.

Part of the problem is I’ve moved to a place where people never leave. Half the parents in dds reception class went to the school together. They all have family and friends alreasy and don’t want anyone else.

I’m so lonely I cry everyday.

Age is just a number, you have every right to have friends.

Its the friendships you make which matter, not the age of you or your friends.

Kindly, OP, YABVU.

These people are perfectly nice and friendly to you, do you really think you'll suddenly be persona non grata if they find out how old you are?

You were 36-37 and 39-40 when you had your children, that's totally normal. I know someone who had a baby at 46. She's 10 years older than me and we've been friends since I was in my early 20s and she was in her early 30s.

Don't over-think it. One of my dearest friends is almost 30 years older than me!

We met in choir about 7-8 years ago and just clicked. She was late 50s/early 60s at the time, and I was mid-30s.
Age is just a number.

I have a friend 15 years older than the rest of the group. On her 50th we all organised a big party for her! It was a brilliant night and I am gutted that you would not have had a party for the reasons you've described - seriously, tour age is not an issue!

Age would not make a difference to me at all - definitely more about how you click with people rather than what age someone is. Especially if you have similar age kids then you may have more in common with the 40-somethings than people your own age. You’re definitely over-thinking this!

People are friends with people of all ages. But I don't think that's even relevant because you're 50 and you're talking about people in their 40s. At this age, that's not really a big gap. I'm 40 and would happily be friends with a 50 year old. Also, people don't know your age until you're friends. A 42 year old won't be able to pinpoint your exact age! Don't overthink it

This thread has left me wondering if I’m actually a massive cunt or suffering from horrendous B.O

I’m 47, 4 of my best friends are 27,28, 29 and 35. Sometimes they take the piss out of me and call me ‘mama’ (and each other sœur) as we have been to France. Sometimes they don’t get my cultural references and I’m old enough to be most of their mum’s but I love them so much (and they don’t seem to care that I’m an old gimmer!). Stop worrying-they probe already know.

I'm 42, my closest friend is 57. I've got another very close friend who is in her mid 60s. DH is very friendly with one of our neighbours who is in his 80s. I think if you get on you get on, I really don't think anyone will think anything of your age :)

Has something been said to make that worry you?

I mean, round here aged 50 with a 13yo would not stand out at all. I don't think 50 with a 10yo would do either.

I stood out the other way, as I had my babies relatively young. At toddler group, I was the youngest by some way, in some cases by over 15 years, and I don't recall it being an issue. When I had #3 (6 years later) there were a couple of first time mums that were similar in age to me, but until that point, barring one other, I was very much the youngest mum at the group.

One of my best friends is nearly 20 years older than me. I have friends over 20 years younger through sport. No one's ever suggested we shouldn't be friends because of age.

I have a broad age range of friends that are younger or older, up to 15 years. Age has never been a factor, I either get on with you or I don't. I think you are more.concerned with your age then others are, and you are creating barriers that aren't really there

OP I’m an older Mum too - I was 52 when my youngest started secondary school. 57 now.

I’ve got a couple of good “school mum” friends - one is 7 years younger than me, the other is 12 years younger. I find that it’s often stage rather than age that affects how well people get on. Having kids of similar ages, going through the same things, definitely brings people closer. Your 40 year old friends probably share more common ground with you than with their 40 year old friends that have toddlers.

You will have far more in common with these women because you live a similar life with same age DC than you will lack due to being born at different times. The trick is not to other yourself and create gulfs where none need exist. So don't keep referencing your age and make 'when I was your age' or 'wait till you get to 50' type comments, and you'll find it's really not a thing.

Throughout my life I've have friends younger, older and same age as me.
It's what you have in common and if you click that's important not age.
You are overthinking, I'm sure they like you and won't rule you out as you are older!

I think you're overthinking it. When I first read your OP I thought you were going to say you'd had your first child at 50 which would make you an older parent but you must have had your kids at 37 and 40 ish(?) which isn't that unusual and you must just be unlucky to have younger parents in your circle. I had my kids a similar age to you and many of the parents I meet are my age or older. Saying that, one of my closest mum friends is ten years younger than me and we get on great as we're so similar. The other two closest ones are all a couple of years older than me. I'm sure they don't think anything of it.

My friends range from 14 years you get to 10 years older.

I genuinely ne er think of their age. We get along, share many things in common and that's all that matters.

I'm 39 and my friends range from 36-48. Some with children and others without. I have a 2 year old after IVF etc so maybe I will be the older one when we get to the school stage. I hadn't thought about it before!

Of my two closest friends, one is 10 years younger, and the other 10 years older

In 2010 the average age of a first time mother was 27-28 which would fit in pretty exactly with the parents of OPs eldest being 40 14 years later. If the parents of the 10 y/o's were their first child rather than the OP's second, it would make sense those are a little bit younger again.

But of course it is an average, so I would have thought a few would have been a little bit older (and obviously some to be a bit younger as well).

But of course it's not weird. Have you never been friends with people older/younger than you, OP? Work colleagues, for example?

Have a half birthday or just a no reason party
Invite them