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Original poster

To worry people won't want to be friends with me because of my age

138 replies

LolaLemony · 01/01/2025 11:27

I expect I'm probably being silly. But I'm having a bit of an anxiety episode as we speak and I need some honest feedback.
I'm 50.
I was late to the party with kids after a long and difficult time of dealing with fertility issues.
After a long journey, I eventually conceived and am blessed to have 2 DC who are now 13 and 10.
They both have a wide range of friends and we live in a very friendly community which means I've been lucky enough to get to know the parents of their friends well. These parents are all absolutely lovely, fun, intelligent, interesting people. But they are all between 8 to 10 years younger than me. They are all 40, or very early 40s.
I enjoy their company, they make me laugh, I have great conversations with them. I really like their children. I'd really love to develop things further and invite them round to mine or suggest days out together the kids.
But all the while, I'm thinking "Would they want to be friends with someone 8, 9, 10 years older than them?! Would they want to hang out with someone so much older?" I really genuinely think this. When I'm talking to them, I'm thinking "I wonder if they can tell how much older than them I am, I wonder if they think I'm old compared to them."
They all freely talk about their ages in conversation, they tell me what they did for their 40th birthdays last year or the year before. I'm completely cagey about my age and never ever mention it. I had my 50th and would have loved to invite them all for an evening out with me, just to the pub or for a meal, but I didn't, because I couldn't face the inevitable "How old are you going to be?" that comes with birthday celebrations. I literally don't tell anyone my age because they're all a decade, or nearly a decade, younger than me, I worry they won't want to be friends with me if they knew how much older I am than they are.
It's affecting my confidence around wanting to extend invites to them to do things together socially.

They're all extremely lovely towards me, I regularly receive compliments from them about my personality or character, and I like them all tremendously.
So tell me, would you develop a friendship with a woman 8 or 9 or 10 years older than you? Would it matter to you? Would you be prepared to build on a friendship with such a big age gap?
Be honest!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Ashleo · 12/01/2025 18:12

LolaLemony · 01/01/2025 11:27

I expect I'm probably being silly. But I'm having a bit of an anxiety episode as we speak and I need some honest feedback.
I'm 50.
I was late to the party with kids after a long and difficult time of dealing with fertility issues.
After a long journey, I eventually conceived and am blessed to have 2 DC who are now 13 and 10.
They both have a wide range of friends and we live in a very friendly community which means I've been lucky enough to get to know the parents of their friends well. These parents are all absolutely lovely, fun, intelligent, interesting people. But they are all between 8 to 10 years younger than me. They are all 40, or very early 40s.
I enjoy their company, they make me laugh, I have great conversations with them. I really like their children. I'd really love to develop things further and invite them round to mine or suggest days out together the kids.
But all the while, I'm thinking "Would they want to be friends with someone 8, 9, 10 years older than them?! Would they want to hang out with someone so much older?" I really genuinely think this. When I'm talking to them, I'm thinking "I wonder if they can tell how much older than them I am, I wonder if they think I'm old compared to them."
They all freely talk about their ages in conversation, they tell me what they did for their 40th birthdays last year or the year before. I'm completely cagey about my age and never ever mention it. I had my 50th and would have loved to invite them all for an evening out with me, just to the pub or for a meal, but I didn't, because I couldn't face the inevitable "How old are you going to be?" that comes with birthday celebrations. I literally don't tell anyone my age because they're all a decade, or nearly a decade, younger than me, I worry they won't want to be friends with me if they knew how much older I am than they are.
It's affecting my confidence around wanting to extend invites to them to do things together socially.

They're all extremely lovely towards me, I regularly receive compliments from them about my personality or character, and I like them all tremendously.
So tell me, would you develop a friendship with a woman 8 or 9 or 10 years older than you? Would it matter to you? Would you be prepared to build on a friendship with such a big age gap?
Be honest!

I’ve had friends of all ages through my life and it’s been very rewarding. It never occurred to me that it’d be a problem. It’s silly to worry, I’m sure they know anyway and they probably think you’re being cagey if anything so don’t worry about something that isn’t important!

Winterskyfall · 01/01/2025 17:20

My neighbour is a good friend of mine, she is over 15 years older than me. Friendship isn't about age.

Dollmeup · 01/01/2025 16:54

My kids are a bit younger but I'm 40 and the school mums I get on best with are 10 years younger than me. They know my age and don't seem to care.

I find them easier to relate to than people my age with teenagers as we are going through the same stages.

TheLittleOldWomanWhoShrinks · 01/01/2025 16:40

One of my closest friends is more than old enough to be my mother. I have several good friends who are around 10 years older than me.

I hear what you say about having lots of friends, but I still do think it's a little strange that you've fixated so much on this, to the extent of actually not having a birthday party - with any of your existing friends - because you were too embarrassed to invite these women and reveal your age. It doesn't sound as if your existing friends are all a homogeneous 'type', either, so why should an age difference be such an obstacle? It does strike me that you sound very keen indeed on these mums and I can only imagine you're struggling with your own age in some way, so that these women somehow represent what you're not (edit: in your own mind).

TeabySea · 01/01/2025 16:30

I'm in my late 50s. I have friends aged from their early 30s to mid-80s. The age is irrelevant, but the type of person is important.

violetcuriosity · 01/01/2025 16:26

I'm 34 and my eldest DD is 9. I was 24 when I had her and am the youngest out of all the parents in her class. My closest school mum friend is 52. It makes no difference whatsoever what age we are. She is a lovely friend to me and I am a lovely friend to her- that's all that matters. I also have a DD who is 1, I will be one of the oldest parents in her class I'm sure! X

JohnTheRevelator · 01/01/2025 16:20

I'm 61 and I have friends ranging in age from 40 to 75. I honestly think you are worrying over nothing OP! If someone likes you as a person,your age is irrelevant.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 01/01/2025 16:15

When I had my youngest, I was 36. I started going to the local baby and toddler group and became excellent friends with a young woman who'd had her third baby and was 23. 28 years later we are STILL excellent friends. First of all we had children of the same age in common, then we developed other interests in common, and now we also have history on our side. Age is just a number.

Pickingmyselfup · 01/01/2025 16:15

I think it's life stage that matters more than age.

I have a couple of friends who are only just 30, I am only 2 years off 40 but they also have kids and we work together and have similar interests so it just works. I keep forgetting they are a good 8 years younger than me and they forget that I'm almost 40 when we discuss birthdays and age.

Oblomov25 · 01/01/2025 16:13

Nope. Don't think about it. Your'll find someone nice. In primary school for ds1 and ds2 wide variety of mums ages. Now my friends range from 40 to 60. Closest friends same age, 52-55.

Pompomtyn · 01/01/2025 15:59

They already are your friends, the only one putting up barriers is you.

We had our kids when we were 26 and 29. They're the same age as yours.

We spent last night with all the friends we made when our oldest started primary. I am the youngest, the others (husbands and wives) range from 43 to 56 (I'm 39). We're all great friends, I don't care that they're older than me and I hope they don't mind I'm younger. We all share the same life stage and have fun together.

Stop holding back, I'm sure they don't give a shit that you're 50. I'm looking forward to more of my friends turning 50 for a bloody good party!

Edinvillian · 01/01/2025 15:44

You are way overthinking things, nobody cares about your age. I'm late 40's and had a party last night with friends in their 30's, 40's, 50's and 60's.

blackheartsgirl · 01/01/2025 15:42

47 here and I have a few good friends who range from 34 to 50 plus.

we’ve bonded over our kids, dogs, neurodivergence and arts and crafts.

Willyoujust · 01/01/2025 15:40

My best friend is 50 and I’m 40. So I think you’re being a bit silly.

Betchyaby · 01/01/2025 15:38

When I was in my early 20s my best mate at work was in her 60s. If you get on then age is irrelevant.

leafybrew · 01/01/2025 15:20

You sound tremendously popular OP. Good effort all round.

Not clear why you’re insecure about your age. I had a big party for my 60th - loud and proud. The majority of my friends are younger than me and I wanted to set a precedent for more parties.

Abracadabra12345 · 01/01/2025 15:16

MissyGirlie · 01/01/2025 11:35

One of my oldest friends, who I see most weeks, is 'oldest' in both senses. I have known her since I was a kid and she is 87 - almost 30 years older than me.

I have quite a few friends in their 70s too, some of them made in the past 5-10 years. I love having friends from a range of age groups, it gives you a much wider perspective on life. One of my closest 'mum friends' is 7 years my senior.

So don't worry - make the most of having friends a different age from you, and enjoy your DC as well.

I'm 20 years older than my (single) friend and as my kids are now adult, we are at similar life stages ie free to go out and to meet on our own.

Her best friends are in their 69s and 70s and she jokes about Care in the Community when they meet up ( a joke they relish, especially as they're more mobile than her during her flare ups)

As an older mum, I absolutely understand the caginess about age and feeling self conscious when everyone is younger, but they won't be thinking the same way

Original poster
LolaLemony · 01/01/2025 15:11

Thank you everyone for your replies, they have all boosted my confidence a little and I am taking each and every one of your posts on board, so thank you for taking the time to reply!😊

OP posts:
Original poster
LolaLemony · 01/01/2025 15:07

@Pancakeflipper
"It is personality, kindness, humour and that little spark of "you are great and make my life just that bit brighter" that matters in friendships. Not numbers."
I like this!
Thank you😊

OP posts:
30percent · 01/01/2025 15:06

I don't think you're being silly. I was the opposite end of the spectrum extremely early to parenthood. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't awkward at the school gates most of the other parents were two decades older than me.

But I think if you're friendly and confident it is still possible to make friends and 8 years isn't that big of a deal

Pancakeflipper · 01/01/2025 15:00

One of my loveliest friends is 10yrs older than me - her youngest son was born when she was in her 40's and he became great friends with one of my children at nursery.

19 yrs later - this friend is still in my life and age is not an issue at all in our circle of friends. Not something we notice.

It is personality, kindness, humour and that little spark of "you are great and make my life just that bit brighter" that matters in friendships. Not numbers.

RitaFromThePitCanteen · 01/01/2025 14:59

YABU. My best friend is 15 years older than me. Once you're in to your 30s, very few people care about the age of friends, and the ones who do are immature. The idea that you should only be friends with people within a couple of years of your own age is a modern one that comes solely from compulsory schooling and children being sorted into age-basedyear groups. Before that, the idea of only befriending people of the exact same age as you was unheard of.

Foxingday · 01/01/2025 14:55

I’m 51 and my best friend is 61, I never give the age difference a second thought.

IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine · 01/01/2025 14:48

LolaLemony · 01/01/2025 14:33

I'm confused - why has it made you feel this way? I'm sorry it has, but I don't understand why. X

Show quote history

I think she's implying she always assumed that the reason she doesn't have friends is because of her age, but now she has to find another excuse!

IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine · 01/01/2025 14:47

One of my closest friends is 11 years older than me- we've been friends for nearly ten years, since I was 25 and she was 36.