To be sad this is how I found out DS is engaged

See op he wanted to tell you properly. If dd hadn’t told you, you wouldn’t have known!

just read this after posting.

I think it’s worth having a nice chat with her when she comes back. Tell her how happy you are that she’s part of the family, but mention you were a little hurt about not being told the news before posting online.

acknowledge that you realise it was just an oversight, they were both excited blah blah, but that you’d like to hear important news, not necessarily first, but before some random person they went to school with 10 years ago

This is my thought.

I think he just didn’t think it through. His gf has been excited and posted on sm- this is just what they do.

however, I think both of them should have both agreed to tell their families first before a public announcement.

I’d say congratulations first. But once the dust settles, and they are back home, I’d have a quiet word with your DS ( and possibly DDIL to be) about how it’s usually nice to let loved ones know before the whole world.

I get that it’s hurtful but in the past it would’ve taken a few days for these things to appear in the paper.

do you think the King heard about the birth of his grandchildren through instagram?

the only reason I’d mention it, is because you don’t want to find out about the birth of your first grandchild from your DIL’s socials.

how do you think they will react to a conversation about that?

It's all ended well, so I dont really understand why people are doom mongering.

For their own entertainment purposes.

It's all ended well, so I dont really understand why people are doom mongering.
They have sent her a cat video which is the universal sign that all is well!

I mean I’m sure when this gets picked up by the papers as is likely the couple will then know how upset op was.

I don’t think it’s a big deal but it seems I’m in a minority.

He didn’t tell her in the message or at all.

It was more than an oops moment, the fiancée has said she feels bad, which is a shame on her happy day.

Why do you keep trying so hard to find a negative angle here? Is it just for your own entertainment?

There has been a good outcome here. I’d have thought that was something to celebrate rather than picking it to bits to try to make the OP feel bad again.

Fancy their engagement being all about them. Selfish twats.

I can’t see where anyone has told OP to confront them later down the line?

You can’t have read many of the posts then.

I think when you get engaged it is about you.

Typical selfish youngers. All me me me and Instagram

I can’t see where anyone has told OP to confront them later down the line?

It was more than an oops moment, the fiancée has said she feels bad, which is a shame on her happy day.

OP had already told them she was happy for them, I doubt there was any faking involved.

You’re doing it again, GC. I have repeatedly answered your question but you keep asking it again and again.

You’re either being goady or just can’t accept that sometimes people disagree.

Either way, it’s getting boring now.

They had a minor “Oops!” moment when they realised OP already knew when they’d planned to tell her personally. That’s all. They would have felt a hell of a lot worse had OP confronted them down the line as the drama queens on this thread were pushing for.

What was the alternative in this situation? For the OP to pretend she didn’t know and fake excitement? Even if she’d managed to pull it off - I can spot my mother lying a mile off - what if, five minutes after the call, OP’s daughter had texted her brother saying, “Just to give you a heads up, I let the cat out of the bag after I saw the Insta post, sorry!”? OP’s son would then know she’d lied, which would be way worse.

I found out the same way when my younger brother got engaged.

Our mum no longer with us, but instead of telling his immediate family, a friend of a friend spotted it on Facebook where they announced it and text me to congratulate me.

No necessarily. It ensures that they don't prioritise one family over the other, friends finding out before parents etc etc.

It's their engagement. They've a right to do it their way. And to tell people their way.

It's not about anyone else!

No, it's not my objective. I'm genuinely trying to iron out the contradictions in your posting, as I can't understand them. If there was nothing wrong with posting the proposal on social media before telling their parents, why would the couple feel bad about the sister already knowing about it?

So pleased to see your updates Op and your ds and his df sound lovely.

I think unfortunately this kind of thing happens with social media - it’s hard to keep track of who knows what. All it takes is one person making a mistake / being thoughtless and the ‘wrong’ person knows.

You can litter your posts with “gently” and “kindly” as much as you like, but it doesn’t wash. There’s nothing “gentle” about telling the OP you think she’s probably driven her son to a secret wedding. That sort of comment is designed to create the maximum drama and is a pretty shitty thing to do to the OP, who has been calm and reasoned throughout.

Except the couple did feel bad.

I would also be disappointed. I wonder why he didn't tell you his big news.

But others who have said offer congratulations and be pleased for them are right.

Yes he has told her 🤦‍♀️