To think my marriage is over

Remember that he's in the easy early honeymoon stage with her now. They're not living together, just taking nice trips with the kids. That's a whole different thing than having to balance a life with work, housework and the other day to day slog.

My ex moved on quite quickly to a woman with kids. Suddenly my children were describing they were doing all the things he refused to do with me after we had kids - day trips, holidays, cooking, even organising birthday parties. I thought there must be something wrong with me that he had changed so much. Well it didn't last and they broke up. It's unlikely that he's had a sudden longterm personality change.

He will be ok- until he starts the exact same behaviour with her- which he will.

And that is totally normal behaviour on your part. You have just had this massive bombshell. To expect yourself to be doing anything different is silly. Ride it through- you will get there. Think of today as the start of your new life and getting your confidence back. It won't be as massive of a change as you think it is right now in the midst of the chaos. It will be wholly positive in the long run x

Ah my love. Have a couple of weeks feeling absolutely awful then crack on with your new- and I promise you it will be- much more enjoyable life.

Just think, no more wondering where he is. No more having the confidence stripped out of you every day wondering why he is picking other things over your family and no more having to wake up to blood stained teeth!

It will get better- but also let yourself work through the feelings of it all. You're a human not a robot. Allow yourself to be upset and work through it all. xxxxxx

Sadly, he’s probably told OW they’re long split up and living together for the sake of the children. They’re working on separation etc etc

Always the same.

He's let the children meet her already!

And she's gone along with it???? Wow! You really are better off out of this. They both sound awful. I am sorry you're going through this but I do promise you it will get much better x

Has he tried to contact you since he's left?

Very quickly. Probably before I kicked him out. My thoughts were always about my kids. I couldn't let them grow up thinking his behaviour was acceptable.
I brought them up alone, he was around but equally useless.

I broke up with my ex (same reasons, not enough sex, he was dickhead so I didn't want it). A month later he takes a "friend" to Europe, despite never going so far as the fridge for me in our relationship.

I did feel that I was awful, less than, etc but it felt so nice knowing that whatever self esteem I woke up with, there wouldn't be someone in the house trying to make it worse. I was no longer crying over another disappointment, another moment he chose to twist the knife rather than bring me closer. I was in control of my spiritual and physical wellbeing. 6 months out of the relationship and I started to feel much more positive, I could look into the future and see where I wanted to go and that I could make it happen.

Have you spoken to your parents? Because they would be able to support you?

You also need to think what sort of woman goes out with a married man or man that is in a relationship with children and secretly takes her kids out? It won’t last because she either has zero morals or he’s completely lied to her about your situation which she will find out so he’s going to need a hell of a lot of luck for this new situation to go anywhere and I would imagine then he’ll come back to you with his tail between his legs so you need to be prepared for that and ideally know your worth and slam the door in his disgusting face, you can do so much better………

So sorry you are going through this OP.
I'm going to make one suggestion - find your anger, it's empowering.
Upthread you said 'how could he do this to me?'
Change that to 'how DARE he do this to me?'
You will feel differently about him and yourself.

@Fastforwardayear think of it this way OP - she hasn't won a prize off you - she's managed to be fooled by a guy who cheats, puts a partner and mother of his children second and generally to all of us sounds a bit of a second rate partner and father - can I ask if he seemed a bit of a catch initially ? Was he good looking? One that your friends all fancied, sexy hobby (guitar/drums etc) ?? Sometimes it's harder to accept someone you thought was the bees knees initially is actually 'a bit of a twat' - my first husband was the towns 'handsome dude' - all the girls fancied him and it always boosted my ego I think that I was the one he 'picked' - I think it blinded me for a long time that actually he was a selfish bugger who didn't put me first -

I think it might be something to reflect on? As it’s been your focus throughout the thread and - even now - your focus is still on him choosing someone else, what she has that you don’t, etc.

This man treated you horribly. He’s a shit father. He’s generally a bit disgusting. NONE of the things you’ve shared about him on this thread are okay. You need to find your rage. FUCK him, and FUCK the OW.

What about his awful mistreatment of you and yours dcs for ages? What about abandoning you and your newborn? Never being present at home in fact actively avoiding you and his dcs? His gross personal habits? Him not caring that he’s upsetting you and gaslighting you into thinking you’re the problem? Sneaking around and lying/cheating on you under the guise of hobbies? The massive disrespect of involving your children in his deceit?

So, you were willing to forgive and accept all that, but OW is where you draw the line? Why? Why do you value yourself (and your DC) so little that you think ALL OF THAT awful treatment is something you can work through, but the idea of him being with someone else is too much to bear?