To think my marriage is over

Yes I bet the only reason he is meeting up with OW and his kids (so quickly and frequently) is because he now has a new vacancy for a Nanny/Housekeeper. He is likely going to weasel his way into moving into her home, expecting her to cook and clean for him and then also look after his kids for him when he has them. Probably thinks she will be happy looking after the kids for him while he continues to swan off to all his hobbies and social meet ups.

The thing is, a Mum will bend over backwards to look after her own children and do anything to try make the relationship with her kids Father work. Much less so a new boyfriend’s kids, who you don’t have an emotional attachment to.

She has been presented with the best version of him so far - fun, carefree, exciting, lots of free time. Now kids are being thrown into the mix, ok. But if he moves in with her she is quickly going to see the selfish, lazy side of him, his terrible habits, trying to blend two lots of children together……. only time will tell if she will put up with him or not.

Tell him you think it’s pretty pathetic he already needs another woman to help him look after his own kids on these trips out as he obv can’t cope.

Bc he does. He won’t want sole responsibility to feed, look after and entertain them 24/7 if he has 50/50 custody.

It may work out with them, but please don’t take it as an insult to you. My aunt cheated on my uncle, and ended up marrying her affair partner. I know both men quite well, as it has now been over 40 years. My uncle is kind, generous, patient, and has retired into a very comfortable/affluent lifestyle. Her second husband/affair partner is mean, has a horrible temper, farts in public, doesn’t have two pennies to rub together, and still has to work, despite being nearly 80. I have no explanation on why she made the choices she did,

Your husband is a cheating, selfish, self centered prick who only cares about himself. He isn't a prize. He's not even a booby prize.

They might stay together but happily ever after? I don't think so.

From what you have said about him things will only be “happily ever after” if his OW is a complete walkover who does absolutely everything around the house, looks after his kids for him on the days he has them, has sex with him every night without complaint, happily puts up with his utter selfishness and laziness and puts up with him going out drinking whenever he fancies with no complaints.

Probably there will be a honeymoon period where she’s happy to be his handmaid and be a perfect mummy to his dcs but I’m pretty sure that’ll wear off quickly and she’ll be just as miserable and resentful as you are.

Or - he suddenly changes his whole personality and becomes a wonderful, present and engaging father and partner who loves being around his family and takes up an equal share of the workload.

Which do you think is more likely?

And it really doesn’t matter either way - you need to stop worrying about him and her and realise that he was never going to change his ways whilst he was with you and you were thoroughly miserable and bringing up your dcs alone anyway.

Fuck ‘em!

And just to add I worked ridiculously hard at 'the wrong thing' for 37years (!!! Yes truly!!) and the shock people had when I ended it after the final affair was like WTF??? You guys were 'The Perfect Couple'.

I'm 3 years out and old now but god I wish I'd got rid of him sooner

Here are some screenshots of her posts

@Fastforwardayear
I found her thread.
This link is part 2: No longer blindsided by H www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/5186498-no-longer-blindsided-by-h

Different circumstances/situation to yours but @Thewookiemustgo posts are around 25th Nov 24.

As poster above, there were issues in the relationship prior to the affair )as shown by his brief abandonment of you and your newborn) but I kind of u destined why it carried on.
You kept on 'working hard' at it as if we work hard' enough at something, we're raised to believe things will be perfect.

Unfortunately it's very hard to know when one is working hard at the 'wrong thing'. In your case it was a man who seemed not to be able to cope coming second to your child?

I think it always takes two to tango so there are always both of you involved in any problem but there were fundamental issues in this relationship that weren’t being resolved and running off with another woman is never going to resolve them. I think it just wasn’t the right relationship for you to be in and eventually you will find the right person for you that you will want to be more intimate with and he will not leave you doing all the hard work with children while he swans off with other women. I also speak from experience being incredibly happy now but with 2 older children from a previous relationship that was never going to be right or the right person for me x

No, definitely not.

I had screen shotted some messages for myself from a long running thread by a poster called gingerloaf. Husband had affair etc.
I was reading them today.
My EXH's AP couldn't keep the 'frisson' going once I threw him out and the exciting affair dwindled into something very toxic and miserable after a couple of years.
There was a poster called @Thewookiemustgo who wrote incredibly eloquently about her husbands affair and what he felt.
It really resonated with me.
Her posts were around the 25th Nov 24 and I will try to find a link to the thread and put here.

No, because you won't be thinking about him at all then. And you weren't the problem, he was.

Sometimes it does others not so.

I'd say that was an impossible question to answer as to whether your STBX's relationship with the OW will or not.

Either way hopefully you'd have sold up, moved on and found happiness in your own life.

1. It won’t impact you because you’ll be getting on with your life which will be a million times better than your life was with him.
2. It also probably will never happen because: a) men like this never change b) when he’s out longer than she realised, she’ll always be wondering if he’s doing to her, what he done to you c) she hasn’t tried living with him yet…!

Please don’t disclose the outcome of this appointment with him. It’s exactly none of his business, and he should kindly Foxtrot Oscar with his analysis of your emotional state.

@Fastforwardayear this type of bloke always say the same 'not getting enough affection' - I wish they would man up and say I wanted sex at least 2 or 3 times a week - if they were more honest about that was all that mattered to them it would be easier for women to see far earlier that all many of this type of guy wants is a regular free shag and the housework done and make choices accordingly

It will be your self esteem, OP. Men like this seek out confident women to break them. Hold your head up high and take deep breaths. You will come through this, he on the other hand will always be an abusive partner.

You and your DC are a happy family. You are enough. Don't forget that.

Echo what has been said above, please don't do anything until you've spoken to a solicitor. You need to focus on the future and the best way to get there.