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Original poster

To think my marriage is over

535 replies

Fastforwardayear · 01/01/2025 10:59

So I have been married for 10 years, together for 16 years. Have 2 children aged 4 and 7 and since they came along I have been so lonely. DH is out most night of the week and doesn’t help with much at home. He spends weekends away at various events and thinks that this behaviour is ok. It might be for some people but it isn’t for me. This is not how I thought family life would be. The resentment has built up that much I can’t stand the thought of being intimate with him and he doesn’t feel he needs to change anything to gain that back so I honestly feel we are at a loss. I do love him very much but really, is that enough?. The thought of him meeting somebody else really hurts but I still think that alone isn’t enough to keep us together.

OP posts:
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Original poster
Fastforwardayear · 01/01/2025 11:16

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 01/01/2025 11:15

What do you love about him?

That is a really good question. I love what we used to have, he is all I have ever known and my safety net. God knows why

OP posts:
AMurderofMurderingCrows · 01/01/2025 11:15

What do you love about him?

NachoChip · 01/01/2025 11:12

Oh OP, this sounds very sad. Have you tried talking to him very candidly about how serious this is and what you expect to change? Had he always been out this much and just hasn't compromised now you have children, or is this relatively new?
Are you a SAHM? I do think this dynamic can be tricky sometimes, it gives the impression that (usually) the mother is all childcare i.e. 24/7 and (usually) the father brings home the crust so they get to have their breaks as they always have, no seeing the SAHP also needs breaks. Parents need to see that during working hours and maybe a bit more it's childcare but weekends and evenings should be shared childcare.
Best case he's very inconsiderate, but if he cares enough and is a decent person, then hopefully he'll take the opportunity to see the light and make changes. If he doesn't, then I guess you've got to think where you're likely to be long term in this situation. If I was you, I'd be feeling exactly the same. I tend to encourage my DH to go out and do things that make him happy but I expect him to do the same for me. Your situation would have me raging from the injustice and the taking advantage.
Hope you're ok OP

Original poster
Fastforwardayear · 01/01/2025 11:08

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 01/01/2025 11:06

You need to get your ducks in a row and end the marriage. He's behaving like a single man without kids. You abd your children deserve better.

The thing is he says it is me, I never show him any affection but I would if he changed. I can’t go off absolutely nothing and somebody taking the piss out of me.

OP posts:
ByQuaintAzureWasp · 01/01/2025 11:06

You need to get your ducks in a row and end the marriage. He's behaving like a single man without kids. You abd your children deserve better.

Original poster
Fastforwardayear · 01/01/2025 11:06

Crikeyalmighty · 01/01/2025 11:03

My 1st marriage ended over similar- it was like being a single parent but with no freedom to do my own things either - as I had all the home ties and no down time

Can I ask what happened when it ended, was you relieved?

OP posts:
Original poster
Fastforwardayear · 01/01/2025 11:05

Crikeyalmighty · 01/01/2025 11:03

My 1st marriage ended over similar- it was like being a single parent but with no freedom to do my own things either - as I had all the home ties and no down time

And this is it, he says I can do what I like when I like. When exactly is that when he is out 70% of the week and the other 30 I would like to spend as a family. I’m utterly broken about this and don’t know how I will feel if I end it but surely I cannot carry on like this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fastforwardayear · 01/01/2025 11:04

randomchap · 01/01/2025 11:01

Sounds like he's not changed since becoming a dad. Leaving all the childcare to you.

He's a prick

I am gutted as I do think I still love him and don’t want anybody else etc but never knowing where he is becoming unhealthy for my mental health. It can get to 8pm some week days and he still isn’t home from work without so much as a quick text. I cry myself to sleep sometimes as I just never ever thought this would happen.

OP posts:
Crikeyalmighty · 01/01/2025 11:03

My 1st marriage ended over similar- it was like being a single parent but with no freedom to do my own things either - as I had all the home ties and no down time

randomchap · 01/01/2025 11:01

Sounds like he's not changed since becoming a dad. Leaving all the childcare to you.

He's a prick