To think my marriage is over

Better that than having an absent father. Don’t be amazed if he ducks all contact, he clearly couldn’t give a fuck about them or you.

Not trivial.
He doesn't respect you. Never mind 'love'.
Please don't waste any more of your valuable time or mental energy on this man.
He is living like a single man.

You want to punch him and you don’t know why you love him? And he is acting as though he’s single and dumping all childcare onto you and does nothing in the house? What would the difference be if you were to end it? Sod all, by the sounds of you! If you have parental support, do it, you’ll feel so relieved. There’ll be no difference to your life bar not being abused on a constant. What a shit life.

He doesn't care about you. He only cares about himself. He's a lazy man child. He's acting like a single child free man. I imagine you'll feel less lonely without him. It's all on you and you'll know that and won't be waiting for him to step up or disapontedwhen he doesn't.

So he has a skivvy au pair that does his washing and keeps house?

Have you really no idea how not normal this is?

Shit husband.
Shit father.

This is toxic for your children to witness.
An absent father.

Get him out of the house.
He is using you and doesn't care less about any of you.

Do you do this pricks laundry?
Bigger food if you do.

He's a single man.
You and your children deserve better.

I’m sorry to say that he sounds like he checked out of the marriage a long time ago. He stays because you do all the childcare and I would guess most of the housework, cooking etc. He can currently work full-time, have a busy social life, has a free Nanny/housekeeper and has enough disposable income to spend a lot of money on hobbies/socialising.

If he ended the marriage he knows that he would be much poorer, have less free time, have to look after his children on his own several days a week, do less hobbies, do his own cooking, cleaning, laundry etc.

Do you feel that he loves you at all? Or does he stay because you facilitate his life being easier? As an outsider looking in, I would think the second.

I couldn’t stay with a man who showed me so little love and who behaved so selfishly.

He doesn’t love you. Leave and build a better life for you and your children x

Yes he could have. He doesn’t care about you or how you feel.

These aren't really things about him that you love.
You're scared of the unknown (understandable) and nostalgia for the past. But you will still have those things if you left him as well as a fulfilling present and an exciting future with someone else if you wanted. Or even being by yourself sounds better than being ignored.

You’re at something of an impasse, it seems. He doesn’t feel you show him affection or intimacy, so his response is to spend more and more time outside the home. You don’t feel that you can be affectionate or intimate with someone who doesn’t help or support you and who chooses to spend his time away from you.

Is it possible to have a frank but calm conversation about your feelings and for him to explain his! Otherwise, you’re going to go further down the road of living separate lives and resentment.

Why do you still love him when he is happy to treat you like a slave, even when you tell him it makes you sad?

He doesn’t care about you. So he doesn’t love you.

Do you really love him, or are you scared to be financially insecure with kids?

@Fastforwardayear What would happen if on a non-hobby night you go out as soon as he gets in (don’t tell him, don’t even go anywhere planned - just get in the car if you have one and take yourself out? I mean, I’d be done with him myself but he seems like he needs to be shown rather than told 🤷🏻‍♀️

I would have a frank conversation with him. Tell him the amount of time he is out of the house and not doing anything with you and the family isn’t how a family operates and you don’t want to live like that anymore. He’s basically living a single life and dipping in and out when it suits him leaving you to do all the day to day parenting.
Maybe you should ask him to live a week or two in your shoes where you go out most nights and go to a hobby etc while he’s left doing the childcare?
I would sit him down and tell him this isn’t working for you and unless there are some changes and he starts actual parenting and spending time together then you will be splitting up. He will kick against it as he’s been having his cake and eating it for so long but if he knows you are serious he will either change his behaviour or you will split up. Tell him you can’t carry on as things are or you will wake up 10 years down the line even more resentful and whose to say he won’t leave you at that point when you’ve done all the parenting? And by the way even if you are a SAHM (which you don’t say if you are or not). When do you get any time off? Don’t let him say it’s because he works blah blah blah as that doesn’t stop him being a parent in the evening or weekends!

You say that family life is not what you expected it to be - in wonder did you both share your expectations of each other as parents? Is it worth counselling? You seem resentful of his life and he feels you are withholding affection - perhaps an impartial 3rd party could help you understand one another's points of view. Ultimately though you both have to want to save it - a good starting point is what brought you together and what did you love about each other in those early days

Stop worrying about meeting someone else and concentrate on splitting with this excuse for a husband

Do you both own the house or do you rent?

You need to get him gone

There's obviously another woman here, he's never home and you are not being intimate. No way in hell I would tolerate this, ltb

Never ceases to amaze me what some men will convince their DP/DW is totally normal.
Absolutely not. At very least I would stop any of his washing, tidying up after him or any general parenting of this man baby. Perhaps when he starts to realise he has responsibilities he’ll realise he doesn’t have the time to live his bachelor life.
Basically I’d quiet quit the relationship whilst creating the exit plan. He’s not gonna change if he hasn’t so far.

Unforgivable. Please don’t have any more children with him.