To think my marriage is over

OP, your new life is going to be SO much better than the one you’ve had for the last 10 years! so much better.
You’ll look back and just feel sheer relief that you no longer have to live like that.

Who cares? That's what you need to think going forwards. Who cares?
It probably was, because he's a shit, but it doesn't make any difference as to what happens next which is throwing out the trash and building a much happier future. Maybe he cheated a bit, maybe he cheated loads - does the amount of shit behaviour matter though or does't the fact that he behaved shitly at all matter the most?
Try to stop looking back and to start looking forwards as that's where all the good things are.

It's all very new still so if you need to cry, do cry. It'll get a bit easier each day and at some point you'll wonder why the fuck you cried about that asshole.
Remember though that him being a cunt is the only reason it makes sense. Why did he do or say X horrible thing? Because he's a horrible person.

@Fastforwardayear I bet he'd hate it if you were happy and getting on with your life without a thought about him. He sounds like someone you that would be really hard to find reasons to miss, tbh. Love the idea of a list of faults/how he makes you feel to look at whenever you are wavering :)

This!

Because he's a cunt. Everything has done is because of that. You've sort of answered the question yourself, he had you begging him to come back. It's a power trip thing that he could treat you like shit and you'd beg for his love. And he enjoyed that... because he's a cunt, which is the only thing you need to focus on.

wrong thread , sorry

I really wouldn't waste my precious time or headspace on wondering what they're up to, whether they'll be happy or what's wrong with him. Be succinct. He's no longer the man he used to be and it was that man you wanted.

He's betrayed you and tried to make it out to be your fault, that's a double whammy.

The man he is, isn't good enough for you. That's all you need on the list.

Oh yes! I remember writing A List of Marks Many Faults. It was incredibly satisfying to read when I felt sad.

Eventually I just didn’t need it anymore.

It’s quite childish but I always find writing lists of every single fault, no matter how petty - very therapeutic. You can then bin it or keep it and reread as needed.

if you need inspiration to get started this thread is full of them.

I would consider a second list of “ways my life is better without him”

34 isn’t old, I met the bloke I’m with now at just turned 39, we have a daughter together and another on the way, stop trying to traumatise yourself thinking of them together and think what a prick he is for doing that instead, why would you want anyone that’s done this to you anyway? Sod him just try and find new things you like to do and keep your mind busy.

Think of it as torture for the women too . Yuck

OP you should picture him wakening up in the morning , smiling at her with blood stained mouth, bad breath and the room stinking from
his back side .

I haven't read all the thread OP, but I have read your posts in full, and would like to say that 'he doesn't want to be alone', as that will mean he has to cook his own meals, do his own washing, change his own bed, and generally have to grow up.

He's picked a woman with a child because he thinks he'll be able to move in with her, probably rent free, have sex whenever he wants it, and she'll cook, clean and look after him, as well as looking after his kids, when he gets bored with having to find something to do with them every week, when he'd rather be down the pub, and will generally take over the role that you have played for the whole time he was with you.

You say you are 34 and feel old. I left my first husband at 32, and am now in my 60's. In the intervening years I have lived a whole new life!! I have had a career, I have travelled, I have re-married, and while I am now disabled, I still have a WONDERFUL life, so please don't think that this is the end, it's just the beginning of a new life and a new you, and I promise you that you deserve so much more than he was ever capable of giving you, so whatever you do, don't give up, you life is just beginning!

I think it’s more “why her and not me”.

You said earlier in the thread that you were completely put off wanting sex with him. You didn’t want sex with him. He wanted more intimacy but you couldn’t force yourself to.

Your brain is playing tricks on you xx

Why are you wit this man

All these thoughts trying to figure out how you were the problem, it’s your brain trying to make sense of the unbearable pain you’re in. It’s almost incomprehensible to us that such enormous pain can come our way without reason, without being deserved, without purpose. There’s a strange comfort in finding a way to blame yourself. It suggests some control, there’s a story to tell yourself and a lesson to learn. It’s hard to believe that he would care so little for the family and put so little effort into preserving the family unit you had, so you try to find an explanation, you must have done something terrible to push him away. These thoughts are not the truth and they won’t help you. This is what has happened. For now there is no use trying to find the explanation. Don’t spend your energy looking for the hidden awfulness inside you, it isn’t there. You’re fine. There is no magical “good enough” quality that makes everyone love you and protects you from other people being shitty. The good news is that people can also be kind and generous and loving. As far as you can, bring your thoughts away from asking why he has been unkind to you and focus instead on all the people who are caring for you through this.