To think my marriage is over

Your New Year's resolution is to be happy with your lovely children.
Kick this tosser to the curb.
He doesn't care about you or his DC
YOUR ONLY purpose is to cook meals, do his laundry & provide sex.
You're worried he will find someone else ? He's already being a lad every day, so the chances are he will.. Well good riddance.
You do not want this POS around your DC,
Sorry, you only live once, Dont waste your life

You shouldn't have to try everything to make it work, it should be a joint effort.
I think the first step will be the hardest but after that you will be so much happier.

Before ending your marriage, try this. Stop being a doormat and letting him call all the shots. Take up a hobby of absolutely anything. Let's say it's the gym. Go twice a week. Demand that you get equal leisure time. Stop mooning over him and stop pandering to him. Put yourself first. Fuck him and his selfish ways. Meet like with like. Go on wife work strike. Make him step up. Stop dwelling on how much you love him and how he used to be and put yourself first. If he steps up, great. If he doesn't and pulls away even more or becomes increasingly absent or difficult, you will at least have wrangled back some of your own self esteem and confidence and you can end your marriage with your mental health not completely destroyed.

I am very sorry, OP, but I think your DH has already left your marriage because he isn’t behaving as if he is part of a married couple. Sending hugs to you.

No point wasting another 16

Oh wow, sounds like him walking out has put a fear of him leaving into you. But you clearly don't need him becayse he isn't there anyway!

When he says all he wanted was to love you and you pushed him away, he means sex, that's his idea of love, but I bet he wouldn't have changed even if you had sex Op.

OP I am going to be frank .
He probably already has … loads of times .
He thinks he is single.
This isn’t behaviour of a loving COMMITTED man .
He only cares of himself and gaslights you into thinking it’s you .
Manipulator at their best .
He is getting all he wants he chose to treat you the way he does , as the rest of the stuff means more .
Honestly I wouldn’t trust this man one bit.

Tell him it’s over . The sooner you rip the plaster off the sooner you can heal.
As for another women , unlucky her with him as a catch .

So he’s going out alone for 5 nights a week!
What an arse!

He's leaving you with everything and simply living a single bloke’s life - giving you little thought.
Could you suggest marriage counselling?

As far as I can tell, it’s him that needs to change - no wonder you don’t want to be intimate with him - he gives you nothing to work with!

Well then, he's also extremely manipulative. He's trying to convince you that it's all your fault.

So he says he only wants to love you - yet it's all on his terms.

He sounds utterly vile tbh.

Ick

Ick ick ick

On top of his literally dumping you with the DCs day in and day out while he acts like a single man with no responsibilities, you should be soooo over him and want him out of there. You'll actually get time to yourself if he has them a couple of days a week if you separate. Though, I'll be honest, it sounds like he won't spend time with them at all if you do.

Don't make your DCs grow up with a completely disinterested father and family man in their own home. Kick him to the kerb now and be done with it. You'll be less 'lonely' single than with someone who clearly doesn't give a shit about you.

I don't think there's any way of making this work.
He doesn't respect you or value you.
He doesn't want to change or work on himself, he doesn't even think there's a problem.
It sounds like he won't have the time to see your dc that much anyway.
Do you think he could squeeze every other weekend into his schedule?

Have you tried having this discussion with support? I wouldn't give up on 16 years without trying everything first!

He doesn’t want to be alone with the kids now. He certainly won’t if you split.

Your husband is totally unreasonable.

If you do still love him, and he isn't abusive or anything, I think you should try and make it work, up to a point. I would sit down, be blunt about how unhappy you are an how you are thinking about leaving, and try to work a plan out for what would suit you both. I would suggest he gets two nights a week, for whatever he wants, and one weekend a month. But that's just me. You should also be entitled to time for yourself, however that looks.

If he's a decent person, he will be understanding and gracious - New Year, new start and all of that. If he refuses or sulks, I don't see how you can make it work, sorry op x

It's a big step to leave when you've been together for so long and have children. It's scary and the fear of the unknown that is holding you back which is understandable.

However - this man is not going to change. He's simply far too selfish. Yes he may meet someone else quickly BUT it won't last because the next person will end up feeling exactly the same as you.