To think my marriage is over

You can so do this. You are not losing someone who was a positive contribution in your life. It’s going to hurt but without this deadweight around, your confidence will soar. You wouldn’t want your child to be treated like this by a partner and you are no less deserving of someone who treats you well. Well done for telling him you’re leaving him. Let festival woman have this prize. A road to happiness is before you, and you must take it however painful the initial steps may be.

I'd tell* *ask him to pack some bits and move out, use what he's told you as the reason for the break up and give you some time to process what's going on and where your future lies.

Things may seem bleak now but in time when the anger and hurt seems less you'll be the one that dictates how he treats you and how much of his shite behaviour you put up with.

Just seen your last update...
May well be a rubbish night's sleep but in time relief that you no longer have him treat you as though you were always in the wrong will come through.

Not saying it's going to be an easy ride but you no longer need to answer to him, obviously he'll always be the DC father but stand tall and if he tries to manipulate you just stare and have a "who the f"£k are you" thought in mind when looking at him.

You’re doing the right thing, sounds very similar to my first husband. 14 years on & I’ve never regretted our split, I did everything I could to save our relationship. We’ve both moved on, our son is fine & my ex demonstrates regularly why it never worked, he never changed & now treats a new woman like shit.

Great - send him off to his mums and get to work getting all his details and info. Or get a friend round to do it asap before he changes all his passwords etc. Take any money you can access before he drains the joint accounts.

That should say ignore festival bitch (if she even exists)

Honestly you need to try Festival Bitch and focus on YOU.

There is a script these men follow... someone will post the link soon I'm sure. He's probably been seeing her for a while but honestly IT DOESNT MATTER.

What matters is YOU and the better life YOU can have without him.

Can you get your parents or a friend to help with the practical things? Ie strongly encouraging him to leave the house!!

He’s probably already bonking her op. Either that or she’s a figment of his imagination designed to make you jealous.

Let him move on to his next victim and you can plan your new life without having to force yourself to have sex with this gross specimen. No more having to look at his blood-filled gums that will be a result of poor oral hygiene first thing in the morning or have your arse slapped every time you pass him!

This must feel very painful. It does however demonstrate that you are doing the right thing. Either he’s just trying to make you feel bad by saying something spiteful (you’re doing the right thing) or it’s true (and you’re still doing the right thing).

It's such a shame that you can't see how he deliberately manipulates you and plays you and purposely messes with your brain

There probably isn't a woman. He just wants you back under his psychopathic control

It might be better to get him to stay away for a few days whilst you see a solicitor etc. see if you can go online now and make an appointment for tomorrow or next week.

Same with estate agent if you think selling & splitting equity will be the only way to get rid of financial links.

Collect together as much financial info as you can. Get his payslips, pension details, savings accounts etc. start to make a list of what you own and owe as a couple.

Take the kids passports, your id and other documents and hide them at your mums.

Ok! Well done! That's a good step.

Everything he says is designed to make you feel like shit. You need to look up on the Grey Rock technique - he will probably turn pretty nasty here and you need to protect yourself as much as possible. Remember he is NOT the person you thought he was at the beginning. He is a selfish lying twat who will only get worse as he realises he's lost control of you. But you can be free, and it will be worth it. Grey rock.

What's your plan? Can you take the children to your parents?

When? On a Sunday afternoon? Nothing you say here suggests he's a committed father.

Either he is spinning you a load of lies here to keep you in your place, or his workmates are a bunch of creeps like him so who cares what they think? His sister is always going to back him no matter what and, bearing in mind she grew up in the same family that produced him, she has probably been brainwashed since childhood to accept men can behave like this. Ignore her. She doesn't matter.

You have done NOTHING WRONG. You are unfortunately married to a nasty abuser. You are ENTIRELY REASONABLE to get yourself and your DC away from him. In fact, you owe it to them to do so.

You're the frog in the boiling water

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boiling_frog

.....you just can't see what he's doing to you and to the children

You'll see it one day and you'll be horrified at the eons you've wasted on this vile narcissistic psychopath

@HelloWorldItsNiceToMeetYou I know. I posted my response earlier on it the thread before it became increasingly clear just how bad things were.

You sound really really unhappy OP. Your DC will pick up on it. There is a better life out there for you and them, and that is in all likelihood without him.
Go see a solicitor, information is power, so you know what your options are for a split. Ironically if he only had the DC EOW you'd already end up with more time to yourself, and one less person to clean up after and worry about.

He will probably meet someone else but he is likely to have limited time with the kids. He's not going to suddenly want to do pads of solo parenting if you split up when he won't even do joint parenting at home now.
This was my biggest fear and my divorce solicitor was the one who pointed this out to me.

You have gone part time to be available to them, can evidence that the children are used to you caring for them etc. he wouldn't get 50/50 etc

I would honestly see a solicitor. You don't have to tell him, but knowing what will be likely to happen will make you feel stronger.

He says, he says, he says - Op, what he says is rubbish and lies. The only reason you're still with him is because he's worn you down to nothing, he's taken the fight out of you, even you say you've lost yourself. The only way you'll be happy and find the old you again is to get out of this awful marriage. If you could be away from him for a while you'd start to see him more clearly ,even if you took the children to your family for a few days I think it would help you.

That won't work with men like this. The kids will be neglected if she does this. It's how men like this get their way always.
My ExH was exactly the same.
When I left I had to get to a mindset where I wasted no emotional energy on thinking about the unfairness.
Funnily enough, nowy kids are all much older and have a close relationship with me but not him, he thinks I must have turned them against him. They're not daft. They can see what he is.

He will never change. Or so that he has done anything wrong. All you can do is walk away, protect the kids and your peace in this situation.

He'll be telling them either a pack of lies or a completely distorted version of the truth and then trying to gaslight you with them agreeing with him. He is really manipulative.

You really do need to put this out of your mind.
If you were to separate what makes you so sure he'd give up his evenings or weekends out to look after the DC let alone introduce them to another woman.