To think my marriage is over

you really thhink she fancies bleeding gums murphy!

she probably has free time when her kid gos to his dads

Hers, not his - wait to see how long this lasts once he gets involved.

Get counselling, invest on yourself, make it all about you and your children. I’m really sorry you’re going through this.

You have a choice really OP. Either tell him out of 7 days a week he gets 3 evenings and 1 weekend day to do what he wants the rest he will be with you or looking after your kiss. Or leave him. If my husband didn't want to spend any time with me I would be out the door sooner than you could blink. We've bought my husband and oldest son motogp tickets and my husband keeps trying to convince me to go with them and take the kids but I know the youngest ones will be bored so I've said no... but he wants me there.

oh hun, that’s really shit.. I would assume he’s been half chasing her whilst you’ve been looking after your family.. what a total dick he is. I can understand you are really hurting a the moment and your mind is probably doing over time as you piece together all the lies he’s obviously been spinning but he isn’t a nice person.. sure he was to start with but aren’t they all.. since you had your little one he’s been bloody awful.. don’t think he won’t do the same to whoever else he ends up with. In time you will realise you had a lucky escape. X

OP, i mean tbis very kindly as you are young.

Unfortunately you are in a hazy of motherhood, exhaustion and long term horrific domestic abuse.

This is a really bad man.
You can't see it because of youth, exhaustion and confusion.

But you will.
You will come to a place and be so disbelieving of what you tolerated and were put through.

He is just abusive scum whose mask slipped once you became pregnant.

You are not the first nor last woman whose story this is.

He's a really bad man.

Don't be surprised if he becomes viciously nasty when he realises you are serious.
He might threaten you with taking the children.
I would say you have absolutely no idea how evil he is.

I would highly recommend you talk to Women's aid.
Tell your family and friends the truth.
Don't be afraid to call the police if necessary.

If you were my daughter I would want you away from him.
Let him have this other woman, be glad if he wants to go easily.
You are only wasting your life staying.
Your children will soon be an age that fully get they have a totally absent father.

You can do this.
Reach out for support and tell the truth.

He's an angry abusive man.

If you go down that road it’s going to drive you crazy (I’ve been there, trust me).

The only things she “has” is not being attached to real life and the responsibilities of running a family. He’s weak and selfish.

Have you told your parents or friends?
Garner as much support as you can, to keep you going in the right track.

Remember - all this does is tell you that you are making the right decision.
He doesn't care about you, let alone love you.
Sadly there is nothing you can do about that bit.
What you can do, however, is put you - and your children - first.

What a great update. Firstly that you've felt empowered to dump the prick. And secondly that his first reaction was such a childish one. If he carries on acting like a tit it'll help no end with reminding yourself why you're chucking this one in the bin.
If he does fancy someone else, just pity her. He is an abusive twat and while it's great that he'll stop being your problem, it would be even better if he was no woman's problem.

He only told you to 'one up you' and to make you feel bad. Don't let him.
He's under-telling you, anyway. This has been a long time affair, emotional at the very minimum. He's been putting all his time and attention into her with a plan to be with her. This is on him, not you.

You will be so much happier long term without him.

Well there’s your excuse, he’s found another woman to have an EA or actual affair with. I get that it hurts and he’s been a sly bastard to tell lies to see her.

Hi OP. I haven't RTFT but I have read all of your posts.

Well done. He sounds like a manipulative, abusive, selfish prick. You deserve happiness.

I wouldn't be surprised if he gets a bit nasty given that his first reaction was to try and upset you, saying he fancies a woman at work (trying to make you jealous and backtrack) so just be prepared for emotional manipulation from him and stand your ground.

You've got this.

Oh it’s coming out now. I guarantee she’s the reason for a lot of the late nights. Edit saw he’s been at festivals with her. Fun nights out with his bit on the side while you were at home looking after his kids and doing his laundry.

When I left my loser ex husband I was worried about how I’d feel when he moved on. Been together since we were teens. He moved on very quickly and honestly, I couldn’t have cared less. He was someone else’s problem!

This is a good start to your new year. Don’t take anything into it that makes you feel less than you are. You are worth more x

Think of it this way.... your kids are a great age for doing fun stuff with and it's only going to get better the older they get. You will be a great little unit, the three of you, think of all the adventures you can have.
You can start doing things for you either while he has them, although I doubt he will be interested in doing that or organise a babysitter.
Your life is about to start and it's going to be amazing!!

In a few years time, you'll look back and think thank fuck I decided to take back control of my own happiness. I promise, I've been there.

On the contrary you are going to have a good nights sleep as he won't be there!! Look for the bright bits in all this rubbish. When he's gone start doing as others have suggested and gather pertinent information and documents - keep busy! Could your Mum stop with you tonight? It might help you

This is a retaliation.
It may or may not be true but he said it as a knee jerk response to what you said. It's good because it means he's not thinking strategically (otherwise why would he be giving you even more reason to leave him) he's just reacting out of emotion.
If you can be strategic you have a better chance of out-maneuvering him.

Just say... that's nice, let me know how that works out for you.

He wants to hurt you. He knows your fear. Realistically, no woman is going to up with his behaviour for any real length of time.

Anyway, you don't want him because he's a lazy, waste of space prick. Let her have him.

You will feel anxious but that's OK. It's only a feeling. An unpleasant one but still only a feeling. Don't let it consume you or overwhelm you. Just keep going and one day, you'll wake up without that pounding heart and knot in your stomach. It might take a while and leaving someone is rarely easy but you've made the tough first step. Stop caring what he thinks, says, does and find your inner strength.

Well done OP!

You absolutely can do this. You won't be sat around waiting for him to throw you some crumbs anymore, that in itself will become a huge relief (although I recognise it won't feel that way now).

Children are hugely resilient, and you sound like a great Mum who will navigate through this with them. Soon, you can start to think about custody arrangements, use of a parenting app will be good. Although, from the sounds of him I doubt he's gonna be pushing for 50/50.

He's a nasty man - stop listening to him and giving weight to his words. The less you share with him the better as he will use your vulnerability to his advantage. Make a plan for you and DC and don't share it with him. You don't need his opinion or his agreement. You don't need to have endless conversations apportioning blame. Drop the rope.

My ex changed similarly when we had kids. It was a total surprise as he had said he desperately wanted kids. We had been together almost 15 years from early 20s.

When I ended the relationship I was also worried about the future. I signed up for dating apps about 6 months later mainly due to everyone telling me i should. But actually it turned out I was far happier single. It's been several years now and I haven't even considered dating for a long time. I would consider it if the right man came along but I'm not actively looking for someone. I never expected to be so content on my own.

I had the kids the majority of the time, part time work, much more time for friends and hobbies. My life feels really balanced and far happier.

Of course I'm probably not the norm - most people go into other relationships. But i thought it was important to point out that your worth and happiness isn't defined by being coupled up. Your ex will likely move on very quickly but please take time to rebalanced and build up your confidence before dating.