To think my marriage is over

If he’s been out doing that the whole time you and your kids together haven’t meant much to him anyway so just think of it like that instead and get angry and move on, you haven’t lost anything if he’s not been yours the whole time and there are decent men out there who will treat you a hell of a lot better so just focus on you now and moving on and try not to think about her, these things never last anyway which I can guarantee it won’t with her……

He’d basically opted out of family life from the start. You’ve been a single parent anyway while he’s been out constantly socialising and cheating .
Hes a hopeless selfish partner and a bad father. Time to get angry. Get rid of him.
you will be better without him

He's a cowardly scumbag but he's doing you a massive favour by pissing off. Stay strong, you'll feel so much better in time to come.

Let him go there. Real life will come crashing down. For all you know she is also married and her kid is with her husband, that's why she has so much free time. Focus on yourself, are you feeling slightly relieved he's gone? Stop focusing on you not feeling good enough and try and start getting angry about what an actual pig he is.xxx

Oh op you are in my thoughts and prayers xx

How are you doing OP?

Perhaps when the child's dad has her.
Which he'll be doing, too, soon, with his own DC, so actually less free time for him going forward, eh?

I'm really sorry, I guessed there was someone else.

You haven't actually lost anything except the memory of someone you once knew. He hasn't been any kind of part for a long time and you and your children will actually be much happier without him. Don't let him give you any crap about wanting 50-50 either. He'll only be saying that so that he doesn't have to pay so much child maintenance.

Oh OP, I'm so sorry you're in this situation.

You are both living completely different lives and he's been quite happy to keep it that way. He is abusive and the version of him that you love doesn't exist. That was all a ploy to hook you in.

You need to leave for your own sanity and for your children too. Give the lying, farting, snoring, bloody toothed delight away. I'd even pack his bag for him. He's vile, inside and out.

Sending you love and strength ❤️

But you are there presumably. So he is saying he does not need to see you. His wife.

But seriously I say there are men who want wives and children and men who want to be husbands and fathers.

The first should be avoided (unless you are happy with that) and it sounds like you have the first one. He wants the wife and kids with little change to his single man life

Why does he want to spend so much time away from you and his children?

You'll be so much happier without him. He's very controlling... be careful what you tell him and keep your cards close to your chest.

Please do not feed into this by thinking about the woman he fancies. He's said that so you won't stick to your guns about ending it. He knows his main hold over you is insecurity and jealousy. He knows the best card to play is pitting two women against each other so you'll focus on her and not what a piece of shit he is.
Forget about her.
Sounds like she has a fair amount of freedom and a happy life.. why would she want your miserable bastard DH anyway?
You say she might get all the good side of him.. but so did you initially but as soon as shit got real he showed his true colours. He will just do the same. He's deeply self absorbed. He will only want a woman who can make him happy in the moment with none of the hard stuff. But this woman has a child.. do you think she wants some dead weight man baby on top of that?
It doesn't matter about her anyway.
Harness your anger. Stop turning on yourself and doubting yourself.
Please please please see this thru this time. He doesn't love you and that is NOT because you are unlovable it's because he is not capable of real deep love. As soon as he had to be selfless, as soon as it wasn't all fun and games he turned his back on you. Please understand it's him not you. Don't want him to want you. You don't need his shallow useless want.
Focus on your future. Your kids your friends your life. Don't give him or any of his shenanigans any more thought.
Stay strong. I'm really hoping you do. This was no life to life. I hope you go and get the future you deserve

Why is it the only thing that is holding me back is because I don’t want him to meet somebody else and what goes with that. Introducing the kids to a new woman etc. I have worked so hard to make them the wonderful innocent gorgeous children they are now I don’t want to fuck it up."
BUT all you are teaching your children is how to be treated by another human being, this man does not love or respect you. Be a better example snd show your children that if people don't treat you right you have to respect yourself more and move on, no matter how hard. What would you say to your children if someone treated them as you are being treated. But you (as their mum) are allow your partner to treat them badly by being an absent parent

You should be grateful that the trash has taken itself out.
He sounds repulsive. He’s certainly no prize.
Now start getting your new, exciting life together, free of this farting, snoring, abusive arsehole.

I think you should recognise that your fears are based on two things:

1. Your leaving him means giving up on any hopes you had for the relationship. You had an idea of what your marriage could potentially be, and walking away from that means accepting the dream is over. Perhaps this is also why you're scared of him meeting someone else, that someone else will live this 'dream' with him instead. The thing is, it doesn't exist. He is who he is and he's not going to change.

1. Change is scary. But remember it can be good too.

I think you know deep down there is no future here. You just need to be brave and rip off the plaster.

This is not about you .
its not even about her
It has always been about him !
He trapped you for whatever needs and how he’s using her. .

As I have said before . This is the plaster being ripped off . Don’t go back the way go forward now. .
Let yourself hurt and heal and then enjoy your freedom

@Fastforwardayear OP, after legging it when the baby was born, he sounds like he only came back so you could look after him as well.
He sounds exactly the type to leave only if he has another woman lined up to look after him.

Let someone else have him, he adds no value to your life!

Ah sorry didn’t read the whole thread before posting but seems like my gut feeling was correct 😞

So… your sex life isnt good
he’s out all the time
you don’t know where he is

🤔

He won't bother

That doesn't sound trivial in any way. What a bastard.