Didn’t realise my mates wouldn’t take their wailing kid out…. defriend?

The trouble with parents who don't actually parent is that they think other people's children behave well by magic. They would think "the other kids are watching the film without wailing, of course mine can, he's the same age." There is never an acknowledgement that there's more to it than luck.

However, you were shocked your friends didn't take him out, so maybe they are usually considerate. They might have been weighing up asking people to let them in/out of the aisle. We can't judge on one incident.

You can however plan meet ups on future that fit all the kids invited, that's all you can do.

Actually, I have taught young neurodiverse children. Being neurodiverse is not a get-out clause for bad behaviour. The child has to learn to live in the real world, which means understanding that unacceptable behaviour such as hurting other children has consequences.

If his parents know he is liable to hit babies on the head, they should have ensured that he wasn’t allowed near enough to the baby to hit her.

Stick to going to the park together

This. It does seem that many people these days don’t know how to get over an irritating but relatively straightforward situation or have the skills to maintain a relationship when things might have gone differently than they wanted. Just talk to your friend calmly about it if it’s bothering you so much, but if it is a one off I’d let it go.

i wish my kids were as perfect as OP's... and that i was as perfect a parent as OP clearly is.

Come on.

Letting a kid shriek and ruin the film for others isn't a "parenting style." It's entitled arsehole behaviour, and quite the window into their character.

In your shoes OP, I'd fade away. They aren't nice people.

I think you're being OTT but if you don't want to be friends, then don't be friends. I hope she has some support from people that are kinder than you.

Stares were saying “Take the annoying kid out!”
He sounds badly parented and no surprise they are looking for a diagnosis for it to further absolve them of being responsible parents .

Kids like this who love to suddenly hit babies never target older children, because they’d probably retaliate.

I remember paying a lot for a cinema ticket and a couple of unparented kids were stamping around running up and down the aisle doing frantic giggling- - ruined it for everyone.

Then you don’t put them in situations you know they can’t cope with. Or worse still don’t do it anyway and just ignore the fallout.

It does when you blame the child. OP said both she and the parents were trying, I wouldn’t ditch my friends over that I’d just choose different activities to do. Nobody is a perfect parent

20 minutes with a wailing child in the cinema!? That's insane.

How are you meant to enjoy watching a movie with a screaming child next to you?

Then it's up to the parent to remove the child from the situation and prevent them from hurting the baby. You don't need to be be patronising, whether baby is hurt by ND child ot typical child doesn't make a difference

Hopefully she might be a little more aware the entire cinema wasn’t just there for her enjoyment and that there were other people there too.

Agree...we make weird irrational decisions when we're stressed. This time of year is hard work for parents. It's perfectly possible that she reflected and thought next time she would take said wailing child out. We are all on a journey.

Have to admit there’s nothing more annoying in a cinema than one parent ruining everyone else’s enjoyment by not parenting. It’s so selfish towards everyone else who is having their enjoyment ruined. I’d judge on that alone. She should have just taken the child outside. I’ve actually walked out of cinemas over this before.

Absolute revelation to me that his parents were the type to ruin 20 minutes of a cinema screening with a wailing kid. I just can’t relate to the rudeness of it when it’s easy enough for one of them to take him out

They didn’t parent brilliantly, no. I would have found it irritating. But you are talking about this as if it were on a par with theft or cheating or something. They were probably stressed and felt guilty and under pressure and didn’t think it through properly.

Have you never made a mistake?

Your reaction is totally disproportionate and if you cut everyone who has a parenting off day out of your life you will have no friends left.

I agree with this. why be so brittle? The kids are a nightmare but they won't always be kids.

It's possible to modify how you interact with people without going to extremes.

How did he get access to your baby in a seated restaurant? I would just sit far away and baby out of reach

Nope, I wouldn't enjoy that chaos.
Annoying kids are a product of poor parenting, it's as simple as that.

"Defriending" might be a dramatic choice of word but it's entered our lexicon thanks to social media.

Quietly putting some distance between yourself and the parents of badly behaved children is not a new thing though. Even back in the early 90s we all knew who the naughty children were and why they didn't get invited to things.

What has changed is that society has become far more accepting of bad behaviour and more inclined to put it down to neuro diversity.

The original post is extremely outing - she will know who she is if she reads this!

I think you've got to forgive this and avoid a similar meet next time.

Sometimes we can have friends for different reasons and their personalities can be wildly different from eachother. I would reflect what you value in that friendship despite the chaos and the refusal to leave the cinema.

Perhaps they make you laugh or maybe they are just someone you'd rather meet up with 1:1 for a drink...some friends are great for the life and soul of the party but not there for you when you're really in need...and vice/versa...none are necessarily more or less valuable but collectively they make up a 'whole' in a friendship toolbox.

Her behaviour was annoying and stubborn and maybe she revealed a side you don't like but equally people aren't always who they present in the moment but are on a journey. It's possible she reflected and felt next time she would take the child out.

Just quietly file away as something to avoid next time and to consider a different day or or to meet the mums sans kids. This time of year is hard...lots of expectations, weather shite, pent up kids, exhausted parents, patience waining...don't give yourself or them a hard time.