Didn’t realise my mates wouldn’t take their wailing kid out…. defriend?

Avoid at all costs.

I'd check in with the mum of the wailing child. Sounds like she's had a tough time . She might need some support from you

I wish I’d ditched my Bad Parent mates quicker. It only ends in disaster if you persist in spending time with people who don’t have a handle on their kids and let them be badly behaved so YANBU

She is being kind to her baby who was hit on the head, and not for the first time it seems. Hope OP find some kinder friends who would consider not allowing their children to hurt the baby

With so many young children this is normal. Especially when they’re out of routine over Christmas and New Year.

The hard things is if she leaves it's teaching the kid that if he cries he gets what he wants. DS is older now so if we want to see a kids film we book a late showing as I expect the earlier ones to be full of fidgety young kids. I would just let it go and maybe meet up at soft play or similar in future.

Have we read different thread? OP said she was surprised by how permissive her friends were and how the allowed poor behaviour. I wouldn't ditch the friends but I would not do kids outings no more

I wonder why they 'couldn't' take the crying child out of the cinema (until they could)—didn't want to lose out on the money spent on the tickets?

But anyway, of course it's not unreasonable to adjust your personal rules for where to se your friends. Some people (and their children) are fine for some outings, but miserable on others. If they're no longer fun under any circumstances, cut back on them altogether! Maybe give them a break and see if they're any better after they've grown out of that particular phase.

When the mum said she couldn’t leave, what did she mean by that? Sounds like some rigidity on her part.

The outing wasn't the problem, it was other parents allowing bratty behaviour. You seem very eager to put the blame on OP

I see and know some parents that think their kids are perfect. The word no is never said to them. They are never corrected. The parents seem to think it's fine that they are let cry at the cinema or in public and never take them out of this event. They hit other kids or are always crying when they don't get their way. They are fighting with other kid's or are mean to other kids always.
One of my friends has a young son with autism and they are corrected if they misbehave. At times they get overwhelmed and the parents will take them away from the situation when this happens. My friends meanwhile know a couple with a child of the same age. This child is waiting for a diagnosis but is a nightmare. He hits other kids, is mean to them and crys when he does not get his way. The parents in his class won't have him at their kids birthdays because of his behaviour and the parents letting him away with this. They also have a problem keeping a babysitter because of his behaviour and him hitting them.

My friend child meanwhile has plenty of friends and is invited to all the other birthday parties.
I told my friend to put a bit of distance between them and these parents and child because of the child's behaviour and the parents doing nothing about it. The reality is that be ignoring the issues they are just making him worse. I don't want my friends child losing friends because they continue to invite this child.

What is stopping you?

What support do you think she and her husband need? They had a child having a tantrum which is not uncommon in 4 year olds but chose not to remove him from the cinema screen. They thought it was better to ruin a (rather expensive) experience for everyone in the screen rather than take their child outside. They shouldn't need support and handholding for such basic levels of parenting.

The film thing is irritating, she is a bit pathetic not taking the child out but that would wash over me,

I wouldn’t be exposing my baby to the child who attacks her, that’s it. As sad as it is you do not need to sacrifice your own child’s well being and safety because of another child. Only hits smaller children and not ones his own size, it’s either he has zero understanding or he picks on small ones as it’s easier isn’t it.

If I were to defriend because of this, it would be because I wasn't bothered about the friendship one way or another. Or perhaps didn't like them much.
But the 'one strike and you're out' approach seems bizarre to me.

If you know they struggle to sit still, why did you plan on a cinema outing followed by a restaurant?
I agree there is an element of parents should have intervened sooner, taken child out of the cinema but I think this was a badly planned outing by all. Who suggested it?

Kids will be kids but it's up to parents to intervene. Like one poster has said, I noticed myself gravitating toward other parents with similar parenting style. When my daughter misbehaved when out she would get a warning, a break outside of the venue and if that didn't work straight home. Hitting, snatching toys, breaking toys meant playdate over. I had one of my friends at my house with her 4 year old boy ripping her toys to pieces. I sat there curiously waiting for her to say something, she never did, so I steeped in and just took the toy away. Next time she asked to meet I said fine, but no kids. Life is too short to put up with other people's spoiled brats OP. Find new friends to do outings with

But the child was taken out. From the op sounds like the parent tried a few things before taking them out when that wasn't working. Maybe they've misjudged the timings slightly.

For an afternoon showing of a children's film I don't think I'd be expecting silence all the way through.

I highly doubt it was 20 minutes of constant crying anyway.

Sorry op but while they weren’t great not being friends because you don’t like the way to reacted to things going sideways is ridiculous- you’ll have no friends within a year!!!

Not necessarily a need to defriend, but certainly don't go on any more e.g. cinema trips with them

People need to actively parent .
A screeching child needs removing from
a cinema.
People don’t pay to listen to a grizzly kid for 20 minutes.