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AIBU?

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Original poster

To break up with him for love hearting a bunch of women's pictures?

143 replies

Kthnxbye11 · 01/01/2025 08:26

We've been together less than 6 months so it's still all very new but I had a gut feeling that I've been trying to push down for a few weeks which came to a head last night.

It came to my attention he was 'liking' half naked pictures of women on instagram, both onlyfans creators and 'regular' women. I noticed but didn't say anything at the time. One of these women is the one that has been in the media lately for sleeping with 100 men in a day 😔 big red flag right?

Now over the past week or so whenever he posted a Facebook status he'd get quite a bit of engagement from women I'd never heard him mention in a friend / knowing them context. Curiosity (or maybe insecurity) got the better of me and I did click to see who they was.

He has been 'love heart' reacting a load of their pictures, continuously. Normal selfies, bikini pictures, lingerie. Everything.

It feels like a deal breaker for me as that's everything I dislike about mens behaviour on social media.

My children's father was a serial cheat and ever since leaving him I've told myself I would be zero tolerance about anything like this and would leave at the first sign of wandering eyes.

I sent him a WhatsApp message before I went to bed saying I have seen how he uses social media and it makes him look like a creep, I'm ending things here.

He has read it this morning but hasn't replied yet. I fully expect he will contact me at some point today to downplay it and tell me I'm over reacting.

Do you think I'm being unreasonable? Have I done the right thing or is it me who is coming across badly here?

FWIW I know for a fact he would be upset if the shoe were on the other foot.

Feeling sad and a bit confused this morning and would benefit from some MN wisdom 😔

OP posts:
AhBiscuits · 01/01/2025 10:33

MonkeyVsBunny · 01/01/2025 10:30

Every man on the planet really does like the occasional hot picture on social media, yes.

Show quote history

Sat next to my husband this morning while he was scrolling social media and the algorithm didn't throw up loads of hot women for him, it was mostly about sport. He's not some kind of saint, just a normal man and not a creep.

Original poster
Kthnxbye11 · 01/01/2025 10:32

He has replied to my WhatsApp message

"Are you alright?"

Completely bypassing the message I sent last night.

I've blocked him for now so I don't get drawn into the inevitable minimising that would come my way if I replied. I'll worry about my belongings next week when the kids go back to school.

What a shit start to the new year but I'm determined to reframe it as a bullet dodged.

To the poster who ignored her gut and stayed with the creep partner who does the same thing, it's not too late to kick him to the curb. You (we) deserve a lot better than this rubbish 💐

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 01/01/2025 10:30

HelpMeGetThrough · 01/01/2025 10:29

Every man on the planet does this.

No they don't.

This is also gaslighting. The comment not the response.
Doing something sleazy and then making out the woman is in the wrong/not cool for questioning it.

MonkeyVsBunny · 01/01/2025 10:30

HelpMeGetThrough · 01/01/2025 10:29

Every man on the planet does this.

No they don't.

Every man on the planet really does like the occasional hot picture on social media, yes.

HelpMeGetThrough · 01/01/2025 10:29

Every man on the planet does this.

No they don't.

MonkeyVsBunny · 01/01/2025 10:28

Kthnxbye11 · 01/01/2025 10:24

You have actually just reminded me about something.

A couple of months ago, before I started seeing all of this, the topic of men doing this on social media actually came up.

A female relative of his was dealing with more or less exactly the same thing.

I made it clear, whilst talking to him, what I thought about men doing it (more or less exactly what I've expressed here - it's embarrassing and disrespectful) and he AGREED with me!

The audacity that man has.

Show quote history

Fair point then - and (I may have missed it) what did he say when you told him what he was doing really upset you and why it upset you?

we should all have very clear boundaries but they often need explicitly stating rather than being implied.

Lowkey28 · 01/01/2025 10:26

Yes he sounds awful, but I am suprised people still update their Facebook status?!

Original poster
Kthnxbye11 · 01/01/2025 10:24

MonkeyVsBunny · 01/01/2025 10:16

Your life, your choices of course.
I do wonder if he knows other people can see the likes? It does seem weird to love heart actual people you know on Facebook like that, must have missed that in the original post.

a lot of break ups in relationships seem to be about people having mismatched expectations about what is and what is not acceptable. I’d certainly be having a frank chat about what is and what is not so you bother understand what you need from each other, first. Even as a courtesy to his next partner :)

Show quote history

You have actually just reminded me about something.

A couple of months ago, before I started seeing all of this, the topic of men doing this on social media actually came up.

A female relative of his was dealing with more or less exactly the same thing.

I made it clear, whilst talking to him, what I thought about men doing it (more or less exactly what I've expressed here - it's embarrassing and disrespectful) and he AGREED with me!

The audacity that man has.

OP posts:
TheBlueUser · 01/01/2025 10:21

Good on your for having boundaries and sticking to them OP. You will thank yourself a million times over when you meet a decent man down the line who doesn't do this.

Not every man does it.

It's disrespectful and completely gross. I totally agree with you, I know a guy quite well who I noticed was interacting with a lot of this kind of content online (he's married) and instantly thought 'ew' I wonder if his wife knows and I wonder if she minds? Because I would.

Later it comes out that he's been having affairs for at least 2 years behind his wife's back.

Moveoverdarlin · 01/01/2025 10:20

It’s creepy and pervy. Fine if he’s a 22 year old, single lad at uni. But it’s just ‘off’ to do this in a relationship.

When you see him at school just say a quick Hi and head down.

MonkeyVsBunny · 01/01/2025 10:16

Kthnxbye11 · 01/01/2025 10:05

I don't think it is the same at all.

It's one thing noticing an attractive woman in the street and thinking she is attractive, it's another thing broadcasting that fact to hundreds of people including me.

I see it as disrespectful and embarrassing. Why would I want my family and friends to see any partner of mine behave like that? What impression would that give my daughter?

It's also not only OnlyFans creators or celebrities it's ordinary women on his Facebook who he could have access to if it was reciprocal.. and I assume it must be because they're putting love hearts on his status updates.

Fuck that, he's for the streets not for me.

Show quote history

Your life, your choices of course.
I do wonder if he knows other people can see the likes? It does seem weird to love heart actual people you know on Facebook like that, must have missed that in the original post.

a lot of break ups in relationships seem to be about people having mismatched expectations about what is and what is not acceptable. I’d certainly be having a frank chat about what is and what is not so you bother understand what you need from each other, first. Even as a courtesy to his next partner :)

arethereanyleftatall · 01/01/2025 10:16

Yes but @MonkeyVsBunny you're not pressing love on them are you? So not what the ops twat ex was doing and a pointless anecdote.

MonkeyVsBunny · 01/01/2025 10:14

Screamingabdabz · 01/01/2025 10:07

Blaming the ‘algorithm’…Not your own search tendencies and base view of women…how convenient. 🙄

Show quote history

I only look for, and post, warhammer - and yet every few weeks, the algorithm tries out new stuff on me. It always. Always includes hot girls in bikinis. That’s literally how it works to find new subjects.

noworklifebalance · 01/01/2025 10:12

MonkeyVsBunny · 01/01/2025 09:52

Every man on the planet does this.
also the algorithm is very VERY good at feeding it to you.

im a man. I hit the “not interested” button on (almost) every big boobed reel of a hot woman - I still get fed them. I still occasionally think with my balls.

don’t over react. He’s not cheating on you it’s the same as seeing a women in the street and mentally noting “hot”.

😂
You can try to convince yourself that you are not a sleaze but the rest of us don’t buy it and neither does the OP.

Screamingabdabz · 01/01/2025 10:07

MonkeyVsBunny · 01/01/2025 09:52

Every man on the planet does this.
also the algorithm is very VERY good at feeding it to you.

im a man. I hit the “not interested” button on (almost) every big boobed reel of a hot woman - I still get fed them. I still occasionally think with my balls.

don’t over react. He’s not cheating on you it’s the same as seeing a women in the street and mentally noting “hot”.

Blaming the ‘algorithm’…Not your own search tendencies and base view of women…how convenient. 🙄

Original poster
Kthnxbye11 · 01/01/2025 10:05

MonkeyVsBunny · 01/01/2025 09:52

Every man on the planet does this.
also the algorithm is very VERY good at feeding it to you.

im a man. I hit the “not interested” button on (almost) every big boobed reel of a hot woman - I still get fed them. I still occasionally think with my balls.

don’t over react. He’s not cheating on you it’s the same as seeing a women in the street and mentally noting “hot”.

I don't think it is the same at all.

It's one thing noticing an attractive woman in the street and thinking she is attractive, it's another thing broadcasting that fact to hundreds of people including me.

I see it as disrespectful and embarrassing. Why would I want my family and friends to see any partner of mine behave like that? What impression would that give my daughter?

It's also not only OnlyFans creators or celebrities it's ordinary women on his Facebook who he could have access to if it was reciprocal.. and I assume it must be because they're putting love hearts on his status updates.

Fuck that, he's for the streets not for me.

OP posts:
Ontherocksthisyear · 01/01/2025 10:05

MonkeyVsBunny · 01/01/2025 09:52

Every man on the planet does this.
also the algorithm is very VERY good at feeding it to you.

im a man. I hit the “not interested” button on (almost) every big boobed reel of a hot woman - I still get fed them. I still occasionally think with my balls.

don’t over react. He’s not cheating on you it’s the same as seeing a women in the street and mentally noting “hot”.

But while you're hitting 'not interested', he's liking them and liking women on his FB, too. Not every man does this. Otherwise, I'd have a lot more likes when I post a photo in relation to my male followers.

Not all men do do this OP, my partner, who's social media i have access to (he also scrolls threw it next to me all the time), does not get OF models pop up nor likes other women's photos. His algorithm is cycling and football. Not all men are like this.

BeeLight · 01/01/2025 10:02

MonkeyVsBunny · 01/01/2025 09:52

Every man on the planet does this.
also the algorithm is very VERY good at feeding it to you.

im a man. I hit the “not interested” button on (almost) every big boobed reel of a hot woman - I still get fed them. I still occasionally think with my balls.

don’t over react. He’s not cheating on you it’s the same as seeing a women in the street and mentally noting “hot”.

Maybe you’re an unusually testicles -led, basic type of individual?

DeliciousApples · 01/01/2025 10:00

YANBU. LTB

He's a sleazy creep. I had to dump a guy I loved for similar reasons. I'm still heartbroken tbh but I couldn't live with someone like that.

If I'm not enough for him that early in a relationship then I never will be.

Only a matter of time before he's paying for sex while telling you he's out at snooker with the lads or something.

You've done the right thing. Plenty more fish.

MonkeyVsBunny · 01/01/2025 09:52

Every man on the planet does this.
also the algorithm is very VERY good at feeding it to you.

im a man. I hit the “not interested” button on (almost) every big boobed reel of a hot woman - I still get fed them. I still occasionally think with my balls.

don’t over react. He’s not cheating on you it’s the same as seeing a women in the street and mentally noting “hot”.

Mumlaplomb · 01/01/2025 09:46

Sorry OP I accidentally clicked “Yabu”
but meant to click that you are not being unreasonable - it’s gross

User37482 · 01/01/2025 09:44

He’s just given me the ick. Good for you, get rid and don’t waste anymore of your time.

LunaNorth · 01/01/2025 09:43

Ew. Bin.

Ontherocksthisyear · 01/01/2025 09:41

This might have been difficult, but I'm 100% sure you've just saved yourself from a future of heartache.

Even if his behaviour around liking pics on SM changed further into your relationship, he'll always be someone who secretly lusts over OF models and the like. I wouldn't want that kind of partner, and aside from being an absolute creep, this would make me feel hugely insecure, knowing I couldn't live up to these women physically.

You don't need that. Well done for ending it OP.

Weddingbells6 · 01/01/2025 09:41

Kthnxbye11 · 01/01/2025 09:14

I know. I was second guessing my emotional response (texting him saying i'd seen it all)

My gut told me I was doing the right thing but I woke up with a ball of anxiety and thought "you may have made yourself look like an insecure twat here"

Show quote history

I have commented further down but this resonated with me, I genuinely thought I was insecure when my OH did this. I ended up losing 10 stone and taking more pride in my appearance etc and after all that I’ve realised it’s not insecurity at all because I know I look ‘good’ as in socially acceptable but I still think it’s gross and disrespectful. Imagine being out with a man and just saying to other men as the walk past ‘wow you look amazing, nice *k’ etc it’s literally what they’re doing!! They’re showing everyone who can see their social media that they lust after other women. It will eat away at you if you don’t take action. I asked in a FB group and got lots
of women telling me they would be okay with it and it swayed my opinion and I shouldn’t have let it. It felt wrong to me and a little too close to cheating and it hasn’t changed and still hurt so I could have trusted my gut. Trust yours.