Page 2 | To break up with him for love hearting a bunch of women's pictures?

Kthnxbye11 · 2025-01-01T08:26:18+00:00

We've been together less than 6 months so it's still all very new but I had a gut feeling that I've been trying to push down for a few weeks which came to a head last night. It came to my attention he was 'liking' half naked pictures of women on instagram, both onlyfans creators and 'regular' women. I noticed but didn't say anything at the time. One of these women is the one that has been in the media lately for sleeping with 100 men in a day 😔 big red flag right? Now over the past week or so whenever he posted a Facebook status he'd get quite a bit of engagement from women I'd never heard him mention in a friend / knowing them context. Curiosity (or maybe insecurity) got the better of me and I did click to see who they was. He has been 'love heart' reacting a load of their pictures, continuously. Normal selfies, bikini pictures, lingerie. Everything. It feels like a deal breaker for me as that's everything I dislike about mens behaviour on social media. My children's father was a serial cheat and ever since leaving him I've told myself I would be zero tolerance about anything like this and would leave at the first sign of wandering eyes. I sent him a WhatsApp message before I went to bed saying I have seen how he uses social media and it makes him look like a creep, I'm ending things here. He has read it this morning but hasn't replied yet. I fully expect he will contact me at some point today to downplay it and tell me I'm over reacting. Do you think I'm being unreasonable? Have I done the right thing or is it me who is coming across badly here? FWIW I know for a fact he would be upset if the shoe were on the other foot. Feeling sad and a bit confused this morning and would benefit from some MN wisdom 😔

lover99 · 01/01/2025 13:07

Let the online prostitutes have him and his wandering eye. He is pitiful and so are the women he's ogling.

toomuchfaff · 01/01/2025 13:07

MonkeyVsBunny · 01/01/2025 09:52

Every man on the planet does this.
also the algorithm is very VERY good at feeding it to you.

im a man. I hit the “not interested” button on (almost) every big boobed reel of a hot woman - I still get fed them. I still occasionally think with my balls.

don’t over react. He’s not cheating on you it’s the same as seeing a women in the street and mentally noting “hot”.

the difference is - you hit "not interested ", in OP case, he was sending out the likes.

How you can so confidently say don’t over react. He’s not cheating on you, you don't know this guy, you've no idea what he's doing. Don't be nieve.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 01/01/2025 13:01

MonkeyVsBunny · 01/01/2025 09:52

Every man on the planet does this.
also the algorithm is very VERY good at feeding it to you.

im a man. I hit the “not interested” button on (almost) every big boobed reel of a hot woman - I still get fed them. I still occasionally think with my balls.

don’t over react. He’s not cheating on you it’s the same as seeing a women in the street and mentally noting “hot”.

Bollocks we do. I'm a man and can guarantee I've never "liked" a picture of a half naked woman on social media.

Yes, Facebook still shows me this rubbish, because you see a half naked woman in your feed and your hindbrain goes "Ooh, nudity!" and you stop scrolling for half a second. And social media considers that moment of interaction to be enough to go "Right, this person wants more of that type of content" and I spend 3 months getting spammed with posts about a bikini coffee shop in Sydney. (I'm also currently getting lots of pictures of trains, because I looked at one picture for a few seconds)

But surely it's not difficult to have the self control to not click the like button, which in this context signals "I really enjoyed perving at this person" to everyone on the internet.

Women on Mumsnet have a negative enough view of men as it is without bell ends like you lowering it even further.

Fargo79 · 01/01/2025 12:50

MonkeyVsBunny · 01/01/2025 11:30

You’re acting immaturely. If you want to have successful, honest, deep connections in relationships in the future you need to be able to clearly articulate your needs and boundaries, face to face with someone, even if it’s to end it. You cannot make assumptions about expectations or behaviour or boundaries.

wish you the best of luck with the next run around the block.

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Hahaha

Ladies, shush. @MonkeyVsBunny is going to stop looking at big booby women on social media for a moment to tell us all how to have successful, honest, deep connections 🤭

HelenInHeels · 01/01/2025 12:35

MonkeyVsBunny · 01/01/2025 09:52

Every man on the planet does this.
also the algorithm is very VERY good at feeding it to you.

im a man. I hit the “not interested” button on (almost) every big boobed reel of a hot woman - I still get fed them. I still occasionally think with my balls.

don’t over react. He’s not cheating on you it’s the same as seeing a women in the street and mentally noting “hot”.

Oh do jog on with your mansplaining excuses for immature, sleazy , greasy behaviour.

AlexaSetATimer · 01/01/2025 12:27

Lowkey28 · 01/01/2025 10:26

Yes he sounds awful, but I am suprised people still update their Facebook status?!

Depending on which stats you look at, FB has between 2.7 and 3 billion users worldwide. Its numbers increase every year, not decrease. There are over 400 million users in the European area alone.
Such an ageist trope that "no one uses fb any more". And wrong.

Pinkylilac · 01/01/2025 12:22

Kthnxbye11 · 01/01/2025 11:20

He knew what my boundaries are as far as this goes as when his sister saw her husband doing exactly the same thing I made it clear that I would find it disrespectful and embarrassing.

I don't think I need to coach him on how to behave on the Internet. If he's the type of person who ogles over traumatised women who sleep with 100 men in a day (and let's have it right, anybody doing that has clearly got a lot of issues) then that's who he is and I don't want him.

Add into the mix the women on Facebook whom he may well know in person for all I know.. yeah no thanks.

Edited to add -

Perhaps I do come across as immature for ending a relationship over text and blocking him, that's fine. I'm coming from a place of having dealt with one cheating man and having absolutely no inclination to deal with another. What could he possibly say that would change his moral compass? Nothing.

I'm protecting my peace.

Edited

Totally admire your decision! The only thing that counts is whether something is acceptable to you. There is no need to give that bloke a decent send off, ffs, a person deserves the decency they treat you with. He is entitled, immature, creepy, a liar, and sounds like 100% of the countless cheating creeps you can read about on Chump lady. She gives a lot of tips on what she calls "how to fix your picker". Have a wonderful New Year!!

Pinkylilac · 01/01/2025 12:16

MonkeyVsBunny · 01/01/2025 11:15

You broke up over text message and you explained your boundaries over a text?

how old are you? 18?

that’s not how grown ups conduct relationships - they clearly and proudly talk about what they need in a relationship, setting boundaries (this one is totally fair) and gauging how the other person responds.

then you get to ask their boundaries and wants and needs in a relationship and you build a synthesis of those needs together - or decide you can’t make it work as you are too far apart and end the relationship.

OP - I know I’ll get shot over this and frankly I’m only reading your replies so “hi” to everyone else quoting me - but - you don’t sound as if you know how to communicate in a relationship at all. You can’t expect people to read your mind and you absolutely cannot garden a relationship over text messages. You need to be able to look someone in the eye and explain what your boundaries are. Not dump them over text and then block them that’s childish.

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Too funny - the guy behaves like a 13 year old and a gruesome creep and now you come along shaming and mansplaining this awesome adult woman with fabulous self-respect and boundaries ... now what could your problem be ?? 😂

StrawHatLuffy · 01/01/2025 12:14

Every man on the planet does this.

No they don't.

Hth.

Madamegreen · 01/01/2025 12:11

AhBiscuits · 01/01/2025 10:33

Sat next to my husband this morning while he was scrolling social media and the algorithm didn't throw up loads of hot women for him, it was mostly about sport. He's not some kind of saint, just a normal man and not a creep.

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I agree the ops boyfriend is behaving inappropriately. However, the Ai algorithm also draws from friends, work, family, phone numbers and what Ai thinks the user might engage with. It's not specific until the user either engages or searches. In this case, he's engaging with this content.
It's pay-per-click.

Welcome to the world of Ai.

ForeverPombear · 01/01/2025 12:11

My ex did this and he said every man does it, it means nothing etc. Well I believed him and my self esteem hit rock bottom, I was gaslit into believing it was okay even though it made me feel worthless everytime I saw it.

What changed was when I saw my DB doing the same thing, liking the same images as my ex and I felt so bad for his GF. I had a massive argument over it with my brother, told him how it would have made his GF feel, how he looks like a creep to other women especially ones who know him.

I left my ex and haven't looked back and my brothers GF left him and she's moved on and found someone who makes her really happy. My DB is single and so is my ex.

Well done OP for putting you and your feelings first.

fromthevault · 01/01/2025 12:07

MonkeyVsBunny · 01/01/2025 09:52

Every man on the planet does this.
also the algorithm is very VERY good at feeding it to you.

im a man. I hit the “not interested” button on (almost) every big boobed reel of a hot woman - I still get fed them. I still occasionally think with my balls.

don’t over react. He’s not cheating on you it’s the same as seeing a women in the street and mentally noting “hot”.

Oh fuck off.

OP, ignore this sad twat and all his gaslighting bullshit. You've done absolutely the right thing.

Pinkylilac · 01/01/2025 12:02

MonkeyVsBunny · 01/01/2025 09:52

Every man on the planet does this.
also the algorithm is very VERY good at feeding it to you.

im a man. I hit the “not interested” button on (almost) every big boobed reel of a hot woman - I still get fed them. I still occasionally think with my balls.

don’t over react. He’s not cheating on you it’s the same as seeing a women in the street and mentally noting “hot”.

IMO this is precisely the patriarchal bs women are sick to the back teeth of. If "all" men continue like this, the only thing left for them to interact with will be those fake images, because real women are worth more than having to put up with childish crap just to be in a relationship.

Clarice99 · 01/01/2025 12:02

Kthnxbye11 · 01/01/2025 11:57

Thank you. I'm really glad I posted. Any niggling thought about whether I might have overreacted is well and truly squashed.

Edited

I hope you're ignoring the ridiculous posts from the 'man' on the thread.

His opinions confirm that some men (not all) are fucking dickheads.

Clarice99 · 01/01/2025 11:59

MonkeyVsBunny · 01/01/2025 11:30

You’re acting immaturely. If you want to have successful, honest, deep connections in relationships in the future you need to be able to clearly articulate your needs and boundaries, face to face with someone, even if it’s to end it. You cannot make assumptions about expectations or behaviour or boundaries.

wish you the best of luck with the next run around the block.

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The OP doesn't owe the sleazebag anything, other than contempt.

Honest conversations are for people who are worthy of them. He isn't. Period.

LushLemonTart · 01/01/2025 11:58

Your gut never fails. Then you saw the proof.

Original poster

Kthnxbye11 · 01/01/2025 11:57

Thank you. I'm really glad I posted. Any niggling thought about whether I might have overreacted is well and truly squashed.

OP posts:

LushLemonTart · 01/01/2025 11:54

Well done @Kthnxbye11 . More women should have their bar this high.

Clarice99 · 01/01/2025 11:53

Kthnxbye11 · 01/01/2025 10:32

He has replied to my WhatsApp message

"Are you alright?"

Completely bypassing the message I sent last night.

I've blocked him for now so I don't get drawn into the inevitable minimising that would come my way if I replied. I'll worry about my belongings next week when the kids go back to school.

What a shit start to the new year but I'm determined to reframe it as a bullet dodged.

To the poster who ignored her gut and stayed with the creep partner who does the same thing, it's not too late to kick him to the curb. You (we) deserve a lot better than this rubbish 💐

Edited

It's not a shit start of the year at all. It's a great start!

'Woman applies firm boundaries, and kicks sleazy man to the kerb'

I'd frame that as the best start ever.

As for the 'bloke' posting on here - all men do this. Keep telling yourself that as justification for your poor behaviour.

Utter bullshit.

whathaveiforgotten · 01/01/2025 11:49

@MonkeyVsBunny

If you want to have successful, honest, deep connections in relationships in the future you need to be able to clearly articulate your needs and boundaries, face to face with someone, even if it’s to end it. You cannot make assumptions about expectations or behaviour or boundaries.

Could you not be arsed to read OP's posts?

She did exactly what you suggested, before this happened.

A couple of months ago, before I started seeing all of this, the topic of men doing this on social media actually came up. A female relative of his was dealing with more or less exactly the same thing. I made it clear, whilst talking to him, what I thought about men doing it (more or less exactly what I've expressed here - it's embarrassing and disrespectful) and he AGREED with me!

It's odd to be repeatedly posting with 'advice' for OP but not bother to read her posts...

NotAnotherPylon · 01/01/2025 11:47

Oh. Obligatory bloke wading in deliberately ignores everyone who has quoted him just in case they disagree with him. Shocker. You sound absolutely insufferable @MonkeyVsBunny. Not to mention arrogant.

SensibleSigma · 01/01/2025 11:45

MonkeyVsBunny · 01/01/2025 11:30

You’re acting immaturely. If you want to have successful, honest, deep connections in relationships in the future you need to be able to clearly articulate your needs and boundaries, face to face with someone, even if it’s to end it. You cannot make assumptions about expectations or behaviour or boundaries.

wish you the best of luck with the next run around the block.

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Bollox.
She owes him nothing. He knew the boundary. He didn’t observe it. What makes you think she should take her time and energy to train him up? That’s his own responsibility.

You sound entitled, rather than mature.

whathaveiforgotten · 01/01/2025 11:40

@MonkeyVsBunny

that’s not how grown ups conduct relationships - they clearly and proudly talk about what they need in a relationship, setting boundaries (this one is totally fair) and gauging how the other person responds.

You saying other people aren't behaving like grown ups is a bit rich when you yourself like 'hot' pics on Instagram (as you've said 'every man on the planet does') tbh...

CoffeeGood · 01/01/2025 11:39

MonkeyVsBunny · 01/01/2025 11:30

You’re acting immaturely. If you want to have successful, honest, deep connections in relationships in the future you need to be able to clearly articulate your needs and boundaries, face to face with someone, even if it’s to end it. You cannot make assumptions about expectations or behaviour or boundaries.

wish you the best of luck with the next run around the block.

Show quote history

Haha, you are actually really funny. You really can't talk about how to behave maturely in a relationship since you think liking photos of scantily clad strangers on the internet is normal! As myself, and other posters have pointed out, it is not at all normal for nice, respectful men despite what your circle of friends might think!

What the OP has done is actually measured and sensible in order to minimise personal angst given the situation and the fact she had already made clear her boundaries. This man does not deserve the time or energy being sat down and having the obvious explained to him face to face.

MonkeyVsBunny · 01/01/2025 11:30

Kthnxbye11 · 01/01/2025 11:20

He knew what my boundaries are as far as this goes as when his sister saw her husband doing exactly the same thing I made it clear that I would find it disrespectful and embarrassing.

I don't think I need to coach him on how to behave on the Internet. If he's the type of person who ogles over traumatised women who sleep with 100 men in a day (and let's have it right, anybody doing that has clearly got a lot of issues) then that's who he is and I don't want him.

Add into the mix the women on Facebook whom he may well know in person for all I know.. yeah no thanks.

Edited to add -

Perhaps I do come across as immature for ending a relationship over text and blocking him, that's fine. I'm coming from a place of having dealt with one cheating man and having absolutely no inclination to deal with another. What could he possibly say that would change his moral compass? Nothing.

I'm protecting my peace.

Edited

You’re acting immaturely. If you want to have successful, honest, deep connections in relationships in the future you need to be able to clearly articulate your needs and boundaries, face to face with someone, even if it’s to end it. You cannot make assumptions about expectations or behaviour or boundaries.

wish you the best of luck with the next run around the block.