FWB sent a midnight NYE text ending with "Love you" and I'm dismayed. AIBU to feel like that, and not just happy that someone loves me?
I've been seeing him on and off since March 2022. There have been many months where I haven't seen him because one of us has been away for work, and we had a seven-month dry spell once. We have amazing sexual chemistry, but apart from that we are just good friends. He's been a serial cheater in his past relationships and has never denied that he's an unfaithful guy, so I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him in terms of fidelity. I told him that I would never trust him in a real relationship, and he said he understood how I felt. I've told him that I'm not interested in commitment after my long and abusive marriage, and that I'll never marry him or live with him. I said the latter quite recently, and he said "Understood."
He IS a good friend. He always keeps in touch, and has been there for me over the past 2 and 3/4 years. We have never said I love you, and although I'm very attracted to him sexually and I really like him, there is no future for us, and that has stopped me from falling in love with him. He's an excellent lover and very good-looking. A much younger me would have been all over him. 50-plus me has seen it all before and says no thanks. There are other reasons why we'd be incompatible for a serious relationship too.
Love has never been mentioned between us before; I thought he understood that that's a no-go area. I texted back and said that we're not supposed to say things like that, and since he broke up with a previous FWB because they fell in love, was he breaking up with me?? Tried to make light of it. He hasn't responded.
I LOVE him as a friend, and I feel bad for him, because it must have taken a lot for him to put himself out there like that, and I just can't say it back. I feel dismayed that he said it. Is that an over-reaction? Should I just not mention it again and carry on as-is? He's a big boy and can look after himself. He's 59 and very much a man of the world. Surely he can break it off with me if it's too painful for him. I just wanna continue how we were.
God, a younger me would have been convinced that I could change him, convinced it would be different with me, totally in love with him, ruled by my heart. He is GORGEOUS, and if we'd met at uni, I might well have ended up with him (knowing nothing of his unfaithfulness, of course). It's amazing how thoroughly an abusive marriage can sober you up when it comes to men and make you lose all hope and faith in relationships.