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Original poster

Who is living life the right way?

504 replies

flowergirl24 · 31/12/2024 14:34

Sister A and Sister B met up over the Christmas period. Their lives have gone in different directions and they are both late 30s. They both have 3 DC.

Sister A works 60 hours a week in a stressful job. She manages to take the children swimming at the weekends but they don’t do activities after school during the week. She has invested money in rental houses, and is concentrating on being able to have a better quality of life in the future.

Sister B works 8-10 hours a week. She has ponies and the children enjoy riding after school. She is not focused on a career at all, but does a lot of driving the children to after school activities. Sister B has expensive cars and is living for today, with no concern for the future.

Who is doing life right?

OP posts:
SouthLondonMum22 · 01/01/2025 17:57

fanaticalfairy · 01/01/2025 17:19

But also, money doesn't buy time back. No point earning £170k and seeing your kids for 45 minutes a day and working every evening.

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It sounds like OP gets long holidays so is able to spend more quality time with them then plus some weekends. Nursery child also has a full day with dad.

She will also be able to spend a lot of time with them during pivotal years if she is able to retire in 10 years. Maybe more time than Sister A if she is still working then.

Swings and roundabouts really.

fanaticalfairy · 01/01/2025 17:19

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 01/01/2025 01:23

Yeah. Money helps a lot. Those who say it doesn't bring happiness etc have never really experienced being without.

I don't care if it doesn't bring happiness. It pay the bills and affords positive experiences and freedom.

Please hush up now with your money Doesn't equal happiness.

But also, money doesn't buy time back. No point earning £170k and seeing your kids for 45 minutes a day and working every evening.

Dishwashersaurous · 01/01/2025 17:02

Unless you are very senior, DG level at least, no one should be working 60 hours a week. You are not paid enough

SouthLondonMum22 · 01/01/2025 15:54

cosima4 · 01/01/2025 15:51

But did OP say that B's family are struggling for money? Maybe they are better off as a family anyway, if B's DH earns more than A and her DH put together?

They might be better off as a family but like I said, shit can hit the fan including divorce and working 8-10 hours isn’t going to go far, especially since you can’t always just switch to full time.

cosima4 · 01/01/2025 15:51

But did OP say that B's family are struggling for money? Maybe they are better off as a family anyway, if B's DH earns more than A and her DH put together?

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 01/01/2025 01:23

Yeah. Money helps a lot. Those who say it doesn't bring happiness etc have never really experienced being without.

I don't care if it doesn't bring happiness. It pay the bills and affords positive experiences and freedom.

Please hush up now with your money Doesn't equal happiness.

SouthLondonMum22 · 01/01/2025 00:39

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 01/01/2025 00:38

But in your scenario I was sister B but without the ponies and the fancy car. We had low outgoings and a lovely life . Money isn't everything.

It sure does help if shit hits the fan though.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 01/01/2025 00:38

But in your scenario I was sister B but without the ponies and the fancy car. We had low outgoings and a lovely life . Money isn't everything.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 01/01/2025 00:35

Sounds like some kind of riddle with a prize at the end for guessing the right answer 🙄

chocolatespreadsandwich · 01/01/2025 00:29

Whoiam · 31/12/2024 22:59

The ground of a certain rich man yielded an abundant harvest. He thought to himself, ‘What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.’

“Then he said, ‘This is what I’ll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store my surplus grain. And I’ll say to myself, “You have plenty of grain laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.”’

“But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’

“This is how it will be with whoever stores up things for themselves but is not rich toward God.”

The ant and the grasshopper story would point in the other direction though.

We none of us know how long we have left, but building up a sensible cushion of security is also important.

Striking a balance that is right for you and your family is all that matters. Noone's "right" balance will be the same as there are so many different variables.

Whoiam · 31/12/2024 22:59

The ground of a certain rich man yielded an abundant harvest. He thought to himself, ‘What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.’

“Then he said, ‘This is what I’ll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store my surplus grain. And I’ll say to myself, “You have plenty of grain laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.”’

“But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’

“This is how it will be with whoever stores up things for themselves but is not rich toward God.”

chocolatespreadsandwich · 31/12/2024 22:53

@cherish123 It's never crossed your mind that there might be different types of roles in an organisation that size?

DH works in the CS and often has to drop weekend /night evening plans to go back to the office

I work in a civil service adjacent field now and still often get emails from people (often other mums) working in the evening/at weekends, either civil servants or local govt.

I climbed the career ladder working evenings after the kids were in bed as a single mum in the CS. It transformed our lives, I went from homeless with a baby and toddler to home owner with decent savings and equity within a decade. (Then met now DH).

cherish123 · 31/12/2024 22:49

A and B are both doing right by their children, just differently.

cherish123 · 31/12/2024 22:49

I am surprised you have to do extra work in the evenings as a civil servant. I used to work in CS in a relatively professional role and didn't know anyone who took work home.

Jengat · 31/12/2024 22:38

Sister B is doing the right thing by her small children. Sister A is doing the right thing by her older children 😁 ideally we could all do both - leisurely slow life while DC are young and more money, wealth and financial support for older DC. Alas, most of us must choose one or the other.

I chose the slow life - but their dad is wealthy enough so I'm hoping he'll sort them out when they're older!

fanaticalfairy · 31/12/2024 22:37

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 31/12/2024 22:36

Including me.

You could have come and sat my round my bonfire instead of pissing on it

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I'll pop round and interrogate you by asking your name ...

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 31/12/2024 22:36

fanaticalfairy · 31/12/2024 21:53

.... everyone did...

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Including me.

You could have come and sat my round my bonfire instead of pissing on it

Tiswa · 31/12/2024 22:33

flowergirl24 · 31/12/2024 21:40

I’m hoping to work for another 10 years and then retire.

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And will this be worth it and definitely happen

Dweetfidilove · 31/12/2024 22:00

Each sister is living the life that is currently right for her. Sister A must be utterly exhausted though.

Merryoldgoat · 31/12/2024 21:58

flowergirl24 · 31/12/2024 21:41

Yes, that’s is completely normal in my industry.

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It might be normal but it’s ridiculous.

If hours like that don’t come with massive financial rewards it’s not worth it.

If you don’t have a nanny and cleaner then you’re just running yourself ragged.

erihskreb · 31/12/2024 21:55

flowergirl24 · 31/12/2024 21:41

Yes, that’s is completely normal in my industry.

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I’m a civil servant. That’s not normal, maybe occasionally for a big deliverable but not all the time.

fanaticalfairy · 31/12/2024 21:53

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 31/12/2024 21:46

I KNEW IT!!

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.... everyone did...

BMW6 · 31/12/2024 21:53

You're jealous of your sister and trying to justify your life choices.

If you're unhappy in your life now, make changes.

"Comparison is the thief of joy".

Expectperspect · 31/12/2024 21:53

There is no right way to live anyone's life. There are certain economic resources (each parent's income and hours, family wealth etc) and certain set of lifestyle choices available to different people.

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 31/12/2024 21:46

flowergirl24 · 31/12/2024 20:13

I’m sister A. AMA

I KNEW IT!!

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