Who is living life the right way?

Both are right, they are both living the life that is right for them. Why don't you go and do the same thing for yourself.

No but in the example I quoted from @chocolatespreadsandwich said that she worked crazy hours when her kids were young because “Without my work we would have been precariously renting or living in a cramped house where they shared rooms, and they wouldn't have been able to do hobbies or have treats”. My point is that the OP here isn’t saying that- it sounds as though she’s investing at least some of her income in multiple rental properties to prove for a future.

For me sacrificing family life to afford the stability of your own home and so your kids can have have hobbies in the short term is more understandable than doing to to buy multiple properties to provide for a future many years away- that was my point. I’d happily do the former but not the latter.

Obviously for the OP to decide if the cost is worth it in the end though.

I fully agree with @Heronwatcher to be fair.

I think if OP was having to work all these hours to make ends meet or support herself as a single parent for instance, people's opinions would be different, and she wouldn't be questioning her decision to do it because she would have no choice but to do it.

The fact OP is choosing to work like that at the sacrifice of a family life to accumulate wealth and plan on having an early retirement is what is making her question herself.. she is choosing to do this.. and she herself is questioning whether she is going to regret that choice later on, only she really knows the answer to that, but IMO you shouldn't choose to sacrifice the "now" for "later" as my personal experience is that later may never happen.

Are women only allowed to work to make ends meet? There's nothing wrong with working for some luxuries.

Thing is though sister A sounds a bit different to this, it sounds as though she’s working this hard for “extra” money (rental flats etc) when one would assume that if she’s a senior civil servant her pension would be pretty decent anyway. I think if she’d said she was doing her current workload just to make ends meet or be even able to buy a house at all this would be different.

Ive done both, putting in the hours and hardly any freedom, then had roles where it was more balanced, i guess it depends on your preferences and if you love your role , etc personally i prefer a mix, sometimes if needed long hours then other days balance but it depends on the roles and the value of the role to society that are factors to me

Commercial - I changed from private practice to in-house

not wishing to side track but @chocolatespreadsandwich which area of law did you used to work in and which did you change to? Asking for dd.

Oh absolutely not. I changed area of law for the same reason. But I did keep working. I worked every single evening once the kids were asleep. I didn't know "me time" until quite recently (I became a single mum when they were tiny due to DV). I don't regret the long evenings working when they were asleep in the slightest. I don't regret sending them to nursery. Without my hard work out lives would still be precarious (ex rarely pays any maintenance despite being wealthy).

Bet you weren’t working like I was pre kids. I regularly worked until 11pm. Most weekends. Sent overseas at the drop of a hat. Entirely focussed on client need. I don’t know when I would have seen them. Colleagues needed a day and a night nanny. No thanks.

I'm early 40s and I don't feel remotely guilty I worked when mine were small. Without my work we would have been precariously renting or living in a cramped house where they shared rooms, and they wouldn't have been able to do hobbies or have treats

The housing market shifted in the decade between us and unless you marry a rich man you have to work not for luxuries but just for financial stability

I suspect OP has long since left and don’t blame her, but I think there’s two aspects to this which a lot of people are conflating:

• The overall impact on the family. There’s not really enough info in the post on this to make any kind of judgment call that isn’t veering into wild projection. On the face of it, OP’s kids do a fairly normal day in childcare for children with two FT parents (as most of her extra work is when they are asleep). We also know absolutely nothing about Husband B’s - who is probably the real comparator to Sister A! - work patterns and how much time he’s spending with his children.
• The impact on Sister A. I suspect she’s either a very senior civil servant or something specialised (and possibly defence-adjacent). Some people thrive on that kind of intense workload - and parts of our current society would simply stop functioning if they didn’t, tbh. But there’s also no shame in finding it too much and re-evaluating if you want to burn that hot until (presumably early) retirement after all.

edit: put “two” in the wrong place!

How does sister B won ponies? Do they stay at a livery yard? Or does she own land?

LOL, are you a posh spy?

I changed area of law entirely. I spent my late twenties working like that - like fuck was I going to work like that with children and not see them. .

It’s seen as “normal” because people like you make it so. I can’t imagine anyone being able to work fully productively for all those hours. If it’s a genuine demand of the role then personally I’d be looking at another industry.

I think it’s a shame if in wanting to be feminist and equal and a high earner that you throw the baby out with the bathwater. Mine are on the cusp of leaving home now and believe me at 50 you become very aware of your mortality and I am so so happy I took those years out with them when they were small. Honestly what is the point of life really?

I have just retired and I was only discussing today that I have always been there for my family when they needed me. I (like sisters A & B) was fortunate to have a DH who made this possible financially. I have worked but always with jobs around school holidays and hours. I remember being the child in the school concert/nativity/play that never had a parent in the audience, it really hurt.
You have to be comfortable with your arrangements and sister A s lifestyle wouldn't have suited me (as the parent or her child).

It's a snap shot in time. Lucky sister B with ponies and calm and easy lifestyle. She might get a job dn earn money when the kids are older or through her interest in horsemanship? Sister A is successful and works hard but I feel sorry for the kids, that's not enough contact time. She should work compressed hours and be off on Fridays. What's sunset a's profession?

My dad worked every hour he could and said he’d spend time with us when he retired. He became terminally ill just before he retired so we never had the time he had promised us.

My FIL also passed very soon after
retirement. No one is guaranteed to live until old age. We chose to do as much with our child as possible whilst we are able to, just in case! There’s no right or wrong way to live but your own personal circumstances can shape how you make those decisions

Sister A sounds like the protagonist from an 80's movie 😂 She'll meet a big-hearted homeless guy who will teach her the 'true meaning ' of life and they'll all live happily ever after riding sister B's ponies into the sunset!

Another over privileged moan.

I have the life style of sister B, mainly because I was solely bought up by mother who had to work long hours to keep us, but then died at 50 of breast cancer (I was 20). You have to have a balance in life as you never know what is going to happen in the future. It's all well and good having a large pension and investments if you are around to enjoy them.

Also if you’re a civil servant then you should be getting flexi time as most roles are stated at 37 hours and I highly doubt your contract says you must work 60 hours. So are you working all the extra hours for free or being paid overtime. Employers will take take take but you don’t have to give.

if you died tomorrow, your job would be advertised by the end of the month. (I know how slow CS can Be). But your family would be affected forever so have a think what you would like your legacy to be.

you can retire in 10 years but your kids will have grown up and be into other things other than hanging around with parents so you will find you have an empty nest.

Sister A may get older and find that she has just missed out on their childhood. Ok they will have some money and be ready to move into adulthood but will the children look back on their childhood within fond memories or just think well at least I went swimming.

kids don’t need to do lots of activities. Giving them your time is priceless. They are adults for such a long time.

I worked 60/70 hours a week. DH was SAHD
DS speaks to his dad a lot more. DS now 15 and I have dropped salary and hours to be more present but it’s too late as DS doesn’t need me like little kids do. I have raised a very independent young man who I am proud of. DS has his own little business which he started when he was 14 and been running for 18 months. He has his own money to do things.
I regret the time I didn’t spend with him as I was working.
we also lost two babies so he is my only child as my biggest fear is he will walk out the door one day as an adult and never come back as he just doesn’t need me anymore.

Spend time with your kids, you don’t need to do activities that cost money. Bake at home, get a pack of cards out and play games.

also don’t worry about what your sister does as long as your family is loving and healthy there is no point comparing.