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Friend still hasn't thanked me for her kids Xmas pressies

128 replies

Immo8 · 31/12/2024 14:01

Been friends since we were 11, we are each other's oldest friends. Both 34, she has an 8 & 3 year old with hubby. I don't have kids through choice and also happily married. We live round the corner from each other (3 min drive/10 min walk) and have done since her kids were born.

We stopped doing presents for each other a long time ago, but I've always got her kids something to open. Nothing too extreme, £20 each type of thing and do a Xmas card. This year they were abroad for Xmas so I dropped off the presents a few days before so they could open either before or take with. That was on the 19th Dec and I've not heard a peep since. No card either (not massively bothered by that though). I sent a text the morning of their hols and said 'Have a lovely holiday' etc but it's not even been read, let alone a response or a thank you for the kids gifts.

They have been home now for 5 days and I've still not heard a word. I've seen her holiday pics all over FB. I'm now feeling a bit miffed, but need to be told if I'm being unreasonable in thinking this. After all, I'm aware I don't have kids and her saying thanks to me etc may not be high up on her list of 'to do's'.

Do I say anything or just stop sending gifts from now on?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 31/12/2024 15:48

Immo8 · 31/12/2024 14:12

Thanks for the replies everyone.

I get it's only been a week, maybe I'm being too hasty then. Just to say though that I'm not and never expected any kind of official thank you cards from the kids!

They weren't in that evening when I dropped them round, but I have a key and she said to just put them under their tree which I did. To which I replied 'ok, no probs. Have a nice Christmas and holiday'. That text didn't' get read/acknowledged.

I just think it would have been nice to text back 'Brill thanks - Happy Christmas to you guys too' or something similar... Maybe that's too needy I'm not too sure now.

She's rude

I find it odd that in these days of instant communication, a simple Thank You takes longer to arrange than the laborious cards of my youth, which actually had to have more to them than just Thank You and had to be done before New Year

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 31/12/2024 15:43

Talk5 · 31/12/2024 15:01

Did they say thank you at the time? I think the whole technology era is really hard. I hate that it is expected if me to send a text or read a text. That is how lots of people work but if she said thank you when the present was given that should be enough.

She didn’t. OP left the presents in her home and texted to say so but got no reply. It’s rude and unnecessary not to even read the text and reply Thanks’

NiftyKoala · 31/12/2024 15:41

AndAllOurYesterdays · 31/12/2024 14:20

I bet one of them is ill (maybe even her). I've been ill over xmas- holding it together for the kids but am basically doing the essentials - replying to texts is not on the current to do list

Us too. We haven had Christmas yet really. Now dd is sick so there went New Years.

Lurkingandlearning · 31/12/2024 15:38

It sounds like they usually thank you. Do you think it might be because they’ve been on holiday it has slipped their minds? It shouldn’t have but if this is a one off, let it go and don’t let resentment build in what sounds like a great friendship.

Dishwashersaurous · 31/12/2024 15:35

If the children don't normally send thank you cards then obviously she should have texted a thank you by now.

Unless she's decided to get them to make them. Most children I know, for gifts where they haven't seen the giver in person, will make and send a thank you card for presents.

Only op will know if her friend is likely to do that

fuckingidiotseverywhere · 31/12/2024 15:32

Dishwashersaurous · 31/12/2024 15:24

Anyone else just been reminded that the kids need to write thank you cards

They don't, though. Mine have never done this. A quick thank you message on their behalf to the gift giver is more than adequate, and that's all OP is asking for. Not at all a big ask.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 31/12/2024 15:27

Immo8 · 31/12/2024 14:12

Thanks for the replies everyone.

I get it's only been a week, maybe I'm being too hasty then. Just to say though that I'm not and never expected any kind of official thank you cards from the kids!

They weren't in that evening when I dropped them round, but I have a key and she said to just put them under their tree which I did. To which I replied 'ok, no probs. Have a nice Christmas and holiday'. That text didn't' get read/acknowledged.

I just think it would have been nice to text back 'Brill thanks - Happy Christmas to you guys too' or something similar... Maybe that's too needy I'm not too sure now.

No that is not too needy.

Dishwashersaurous · 31/12/2024 15:24

Anyone else just been reminded that the kids need to write thank you cards

emmax1980 · 31/12/2024 15:22

Maybe message to ask did her children like your gifts.

Sarah2891 · 31/12/2024 15:19

YANBU. Takes 10 seconds to message 'Thanks for the lovely gifts(s) '

Terrribletwos · 31/12/2024 15:19

Oh I see i got mixed up. Bit of an overreaction from op tho.

CandyCane457 · 31/12/2024 15:18

Aw no I’m with you OP, I’d be hurt by this too!
It may well be a case that the kids haven’t sat and written their thank you letters yet, but I’m sure in the last week she could’ve found time to wish you a merry Christmas and thank you. But instead she’s prioritising her phone time by uploading holiday pics. Very rude!

W0tnow · 31/12/2024 15:17

Kids aren’t exhausting enough to the point you can’t message a thank you.

fuckingidiotseverywhere · 31/12/2024 15:16

@Terrribletwos
Yes OP's SIL probably was saying thank you with her video of her DC playing with OP's gift. The friend however, is totally rude to not even be able to take the seconds it takes to type "thank you so much for the presents for DC"

Immo8 · 31/12/2024 15:15

Terrribletwos · 31/12/2024 15:14

Oh well. Is that her way of saying thank you?

Have you even read my post? Not the same person!

OP posts:
Terrribletwos · 31/12/2024 15:14

Immo8 · 31/12/2024 15:09

@MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel What have I just read?

My SIL send me a little video of my niece playing the game I bought her a few days after Xmas and it was absolutely lovely!

Edited

Oh well. Is that her way of saying thank you?

Terrribletwos · 31/12/2024 15:12

Prettydisgustingactually · 31/12/2024 14:34

I personally don’t think it’s being too hasty at all. All these people who say it’s exhausting for mums and you can’t really understand if you don’t have DC…really? In the time it took to post the holiday snaps on fb she could have replied to your message.

Yep absolutely. There's no excuse not to just text and say thanks....sorry busy right now will respond fully later. She is being very rude.

Immo8 · 31/12/2024 15:09

@MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel What have I just read?

My SIL send me a little video of my niece playing the game I bought her a few days after Xmas and it was absolutely lovely!

OP posts:
Newuser75 · 31/12/2024 15:09

These replies are crazy!
Of course she should have messaged to say thank you! Very rude behaviour.
Hopefully she gets in touch soon to thank you. Or else I'd not bother next year!

fitzwilliamdarcy · 31/12/2024 15:07

PierceMorgansChin · 31/12/2024 14:57

I teach my daughter to be grateful and appreciate kindness and generosity of family and friends, we have sent thank you messages with photos of her opening and playing with toys. OP I'm sorry your friend is rude and ungrateful, she had time for Facebook, she had time to send a message takes 5 seconds

I still remember the parent who sent me this type of photo after I'd sent her something for her first Christmas - it made my day.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 31/12/2024 15:07

PierceMorgansChin · 31/12/2024 15:06

Forgot to take your meds again?

Wait, so now you are being mean about people who also need medication.

Wow! You're a special kind of mean aren't you.

KilkennyCats · 31/12/2024 15:06

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 31/12/2024 15:04

But that's for your benefit, not the gift giver. The gift giver probably doesn't care and is annoyed at you clogging up their phone with nonsense pictures they don't want.

I’m pretty sure nobody (except you) is ever annoyed by evidence of someone enjoying the gift they’ve taken the trouble to give.
Stop reaching 🤣

PierceMorgansChin · 31/12/2024 15:06

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 31/12/2024 15:04

But that's for your benefit, not the gift giver. The gift giver probably doesn't care and is annoyed at you clogging up their phone with nonsense pictures they don't want.

Forgot to take your meds again?

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 31/12/2024 15:04

PierceMorgansChin · 31/12/2024 14:57

I teach my daughter to be grateful and appreciate kindness and generosity of family and friends, we have sent thank you messages with photos of her opening and playing with toys. OP I'm sorry your friend is rude and ungrateful, she had time for Facebook, she had time to send a message takes 5 seconds

But that's for your benefit, not the gift giver. The gift giver probably doesn't care and is annoyed at you clogging up their phone with nonsense pictures they don't want.

fitzwilliamdarcy · 31/12/2024 15:03

All threads about childfree vs parents go this way, OP. Childfree people have nowt going on in their lives so must be grateful for any breath of gratitude sent their way by parents, who all universally live lives of unending torment and toil and have no time for their ungrateful needy friends.

In the real world, some parents do manage to say thank you for one set of Christmas gifts before the following Christmas season, so miracles can apparently happen.

YANBU, btw. But I am also one of the darn childfree people so I would say that.