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AIBU?

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Original poster

For being nervous about dating a someone in police ?

115 replies

Lou9453 · 31/12/2024 12:56

I am in the early stages of dating someone in the police. They were adopted and exposed to abuse. Iv woken up today feeling anxious , we haven’t met yet but knowing he has seen lot in personal and work life, I don’t know if that’s going to mean a hell of a rollercoaster dating wise. He’s never introduced anyone to his mum and keeps it quiet from friends, not been on holiday with gf or had anything long term. I don’t judge but I feel bit uncertain ?

OP posts:
Over40Overdating · 31/12/2024 13:07

If you haven’t met him you are not dating. You are talking to a stranger.

Without having met, you already knew intimate details of his life - ask yourself why someone would disclose childhood abuse to someone they’ve never met.

You already know dating him would be a rollercoaster before you’ve spent a minute in his company.

You know he doesn’t introduce girlfriends to family or friends without having even gone on a date, much less established a relationship.

You are being groomed to accept some serious shit from this man before you’ve even set on eyes him.

Your anxiety is a sign you know he’s dodgy.
End things, block and work on having better boundaries with strangers online.

And for what it’s worth, my most abusive relationship was with a very senior, highly decorated police officer who uses that as a way to get people to trust him before he unleashes extreme domestic abuse. And he gets away with it because of who he is, despite all the vows from the police commission to root out the rotten apples.

StrawberryWater · 31/12/2024 13:07

Having dated a police officer I would never in a million years date another one. Even if we were the last two people in the world I wouldn't touch a police officer.

The one I dated was a complete and utter ARSEHOLE on a massive ego trip, arrogant and extremely rude not to mention he treated me like shit (went to a restaurant and completely ignored me unless it was to tut or sigh, chatted up the waitress though, or talk about himself) and then afterwards was like 'so can I come back to yours then or what?' Um no dickhead. He also thought it was cool to admit he liked to treat the general public like dirt when he was in his uniform and admitted to getting punches in after arresting people when they had handcuffs on and couldn't defend themselves.

Yeah, never again. Bloody psycho.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/12/2024 13:06

Lou9453 · 31/12/2024 13:01

Okay talking to him then All this info he has shared with me because I have asked questions about him & he mentioned his past so he has shared .

Ok op. No mentally well person shares this alleged history with a complete stranger.

AnnunciataM · 31/12/2024 13:06

Sorry, posted before I saw your update. But my advice still stands.

DivineHour · 31/12/2024 13:06

AnnunciataM · 31/12/2024 13:05

Sorry OP but you're not "in the early stages of dating someone in the police". You've been chatting online (and perhaps on the phone) to someone who claims to be in the police, and has shared an awful lot with a woman they've never met.

If it's already causing you this much anxiety I'd just block and move on. Life's too short for this kind of drama this early on.

Exactly.

MermaidEyes · 31/12/2024 13:05

LuckysDadsHat · 31/12/2024 13:00

I wouldn't date anyone in the police. I don't trust them at all.

I wouldn't date a politician. I don't trust them at all.

AnnunciataM · 31/12/2024 13:05

Sorry OP but you're not "in the early stages of dating someone in the police". You've been chatting online (and perhaps on the phone) to someone who claims to be in the police, and has shared an awful lot with a woman they've never met.

If it's already causing you this much anxiety I'd just block and move on. Life's too short for this kind of drama this early on.

Original poster
Lou9453 · 31/12/2024 13:01

Okay talking to him then All this info he has shared with me because I have asked questions about him & he mentioned his past so he has shared .

OP posts:
LuckysDadsHat · 31/12/2024 13:00

I wouldn't date anyone in the police. I don't trust them at all.

Gustywindup · 31/12/2024 13:00

Just to add, if you are having second thoughts at this early stage just back out. Your spider senses are telling you something is very wrong.

HPandthelastwish · 31/12/2024 13:00

Personally I wouldnt date someone who has that career or history. He may well be the loveliest man on earth but it sounds like inviting alot of drama into your life.

Out of interest are you in any way vulnerable? Care leaver / experience of own abuse as a child or in relationships / poor mental health?

arethereanyleftatall · 31/12/2024 12:59
  1. You're not dating someone if you haven't met them yet.
  2. Unless you're both 18, that's all very strange.
  3. Abusers are well known to overshare made up stuff. Why would he tell all that ro someone he's never met?!? Huge red flag.
  4. Policemen are notorious for being misogynists.
Gustywindup · 31/12/2024 12:58

How can you be dating someone you haven’t met? You don’t even know him. The whole backstory could be BS.

solopanda · 31/12/2024 12:58

How do you know so much about someone you haven't even met?

SaffronsMadAboutMe · 31/12/2024 12:57

Well what would there be to 'judge'? 😳

If you're worrying before you've even dated him, then I really wouldn't bother.

Dating is supposed to be fun.

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