For being nervous about dating a someone in police ?

Oversharing is a red flag, whether he is a police officer or not.

It's not the job, my BIL is a policeman and lovely man, but everything else you mention about him that is a red flag. That's a lot of issues being revealed before you've even met. Why??

A girlfriend is not a therapist. You don't go out dating to find someone to dump all your problems on. Don't fall into that role.

OP - please be more careful about what you take as fact, and how invested you get,

This is an awful lot to 'know' about someone who is sharing anonymous messages with you. Please be careful about what you share back.

Nope. Sorry. Red flags all over that one. I'd move on.

Oh goodness, yet another 'knock a copper ' thread.

For all of those who have met an obnoxious man who just happen to be a policeman, there will be an equal number of people who know/are married to lovely men, who just happen to be a policeman.

Make of that what you will.

And yes I know a lovely lovely man, my son-in-law, treats my daughter with love and care and who just happens to be a policeman.

Snap. Well slightly less, together 28 years. I am sure it attracts a type and husband who was an inspector used to be more bothered about staff issues than criminals as they were always getting involved getting divorced etc.

I think it depends on your motivation for joining, I’m sure some feel disempowered in real life and use the job as a power trip but it’s not a particularly good job in terms of pay, was good once for the pension and commutation but no longer.

but back to the op, if he said anything else about being in the police than he’s in the police then yes red flag. My husband never told anyone what he did, he’d say civil servant if asked but I know some see it as their whole identity. Odd.

the trauma dumping though about the abuse is too much at this stage I’d suggest. Is he doing it so when he’s an abusive twat he can say I told you I was damaged?

I'm in the police, my partner is in the police so I'm going to be a bit defensive 🙂. He's wonderful and not a misogynist.

For me, the problem isn't 'the police', it's men. Especially in roles where there is an element of power. I have lovely male colleagues, I have twatty male colleagues. I hate when people say 'the police' like it's one big homogenous UK group. If you dated an arsehole doctor would you say 'I'd never date a doctor again'.

I'm a police officer, who married a police officer, who had an affair with another police officer and left me. And it's not an uncommon thing. Don't do it.

Nor do I. Every bloody week there's at least one copper in the news being sacked or disciplined over sexual assault and other vile stuff. The whole force must be rife with "bad apples".

"I'd" 🙄

If run a mile from a copper. Absolutely not.

I was a Police Officer for years (retired early) and the common misconception is that Officers aren't normal people or are a certain type. This is nonsense, everyone is different, there are dodgy ones but also some of the most kind, considerate and trustworthy people I've ever met. I think your issue is less to do with his job and more about him as a person. Maybe meet him, see how you get on in person and go from there.

Conversely I’ve been married to a Police Officer for nearly 30 years. He’s the best man I know. Just thought I’d offer a little balance.

But are your concerns because he’s a policeman, or Because he hasn’t had a long term gf etc? Two different issues? The second half of the op could apply to any shy, private person, in any profession.

One of my best friends is married to a retired policeman and he is friends with lots of ex-policemen and women, my next door neighbour is a retired policeman and I briefly dated a policeman, who had worked at the Met. You couldn't ask to meet a nicer, gentler bunch of men.
This guy you are talking to sounds like a bullshitting fantasist.
🚩

Don’t date a cop.

I’m sure there are wonderful, caring and compassionate police officers out there who make great partners. I am honestly happy for anyone who is with someone Lije that.

But as a cohort? Hell no.

With the greatest of respect to anybody who is married to an absolutely lovely, gentle and kind police officer, they have a reputation for misogyny and abuse.

If you are getting red flags from this man before you have EVEN MET, then you shouldn't need support from randomers on the internet to trust your gut and stop messaging him. Your instincts are not letting you down here. Walk away.

Nothing wrong with being uncertain at all. Personally I don’t hate men in the police force full stop and once ended it when I discovered that’s what a guy I had been on a few dates with, did for a living.

We all get to have our personal dating boundaries for whatever reason.

I wouldn't date anybody who referred to their ex as a bloody psycho.

Massive red flag.

Whenever there is a thread on mumsnet on 'which profession would you never date'
It's 80-90% 'policemen'
With hugely high numbers of posters detailing horrific misogyny.

Avoid like the plague.

Sounds like a fantasist who is setting expectations. This might go on for weeks or months before you even meet. You should listen to/watch Sweet Bobby.

Trust your gut , it’s telling you to run .
DONT get involved with this man .

I married , (and divorced) a police officer .
Very bossy and a bit of misogynistic but in no way was he at the level of the men @StrawberryWater @Over40Overdating describe , though I VERY WELL recognise their descriptions from many of his colleagues over the years .

Please close this down now and take care of yourself .

He’s just a person, who’s a policeman. If he’s seen and done a lot, he may be an interesting person to date.

“He’s never introduced anyone to his mum and keeps it quiet from friends, not been on holiday with gf or had anything long term.”

That’s more concerning, unless really young, (and its irrelevant to the job he does. )

Why post two threads in the same hour, you aren't going to get different responses here.

No one is hoping to say "sure, go ahead you'll have a great relationship" with so many potential red flags