Husband never getting up with kids!

It’s not fair to blame his mum, he’s a grown up and it’s sounds like you do plenty for him and have done for many years.

He’s unlikely to change, so you really only have 2 opinions.

Get on with it.

Or leave him. I favoured the 2nd option, as hard as it is to be a single parent, it’s easier than being a skivy to some one say on their arse watching you.

Or he might try and change but it won't last and he's only doing it because OP has asked.

Why are we having to put up with this bullshit and even ask the person that 'loves' us to do the bare minimum.

I gave up asking and grew resentful. And that was the end of our marriage.

If you want it to work you have to lay your cards out now before it's too late. But honestly why should you, he knows exactly what he's doing.

That was meant to quote this

I would take every single thing he's left out in the kitchen and put it on his side of the bed, even if he's still in it. I'd do this for everything he doesn't put away after himself. If he moves it to somewhere else in the bedroom it would get put back on the bed until it was sorted properly.

Would you? I can't think of anything worse than playing tit for tat on a daily basis with someone who is meant to be my partner in life.

He won’t change.

He won’t change.

Honestly. He won’t.

So either accept it, or start thinking about life without him. I say this as someone who has only just really realised he won’t change after 18 years.

What is HIS consequence? Not yours.

Well,the time has changed and tell him you’re not his mother to pick up after him. If he wants a servant he should either move back to his mummy or employ one.

Of course he’s pushing back because he doesn’t want his cushy life disturbed.Kids taken care of,house clean,food cooked and sex on tap- he can walk around with a bag of great “family man” while you are reduced to the role of household appliance.

I bet he doesn’t walk into his work and tell his boss to stop nagging and givehim attitude for making a reasonable request(as you do). I bet that he also doesn’t need to be told at work what needs to be done because he “doesn’t see it”. The timelines have to be kept as well,not just to his convenience.

He’s capable but he doesn’t want to. Sorry but he doesn’t care about you. Loving partner pitches in(it’s not helping) and does their share.He’s not.

You can’t change somebody’s behaviour,only the way you react to it so what are YOU going to do?

This is called burying your head in the sand op.

You're taking the easy route out to bash at posters defensively rather than think about your actual problem.

And that's normal. It's a big thing to leave.

I would take every single thing he's left out in the kitchen and put it on his side of the bed, even if he's still in it. I'd do this for everything he doesn't put away after himself. If he moves it to somewhere else in the bedroom it would get put back on the bed until it was sorted properly.

It sounds like you very much knew who he was when you married him and you still chose to have kids with him. Did you think he would change?
Wouldn't be for me. I'd be telling him if he doesn't want the responsibility of a family then he can move out. But you'll probably still be bemoaning his useless ass on here this time next year no doubt. Good luck with it all.

He sounds pathetic. What a lazy git.

I'd talk to him one last time and lay things out: 'I have got up 13 times out of 14 with OUR DC. I have spent xx extra hours with them. You have had xx extra hours in bed.

'I have made x meals, done shopping and spent x time doing housework. You have done x.

'I am wondering what's the point of being with you. If we divorced, I'd have less to do and more time to myself. I am seriously unhappy about this, and thinking about leaving you. The work has to be more evenly spread' and see what he says.

My ex was like that. As a result he's never had to deal with them in 15yrs 🤷‍♀️.

I had an ex like this. I stopped doing everything for him. There was no point in him being in the house - he brought nothing. Life is much, much nicer without a useless lump in the house.

Your kids will think being misogynist trash is normal and aspirational, and that women are for serving men.
When you divorce you'll be showing them this is not the case, that women no longer tolerate being treated like staff. The knuckledragger will have to pick up his own mess in his own house.

No that's the excuse for it, not the reason. He's a grown adult man, he's perfectly able to see the situation is not fair, but he feels entitled to it, because he doesn't respect you. That's what it comes down to, a lack of respect.

I sympathise OP. I have a similar problem with the mornings - and no this wasn’t an issue pre-kids, as of course neither of us were getting up at 6am!

I am now very direct about it. You had a lie in on sat, tomorrow you need to get up and I get a lie in. I am having a lie in today, as a matter of fact!

I still probably do the majority of the mornings, but they know it’s not going to slide that they stay in bed later every day.

You decided to have children with this man. I don’t understand why these things are not discussed at an early stage as I did with my husband. I’m not blaming you at all but am just astounded that people don’t have these conversations early on. They seem to wait until they are really fed up and pissed off and thinking about leaving before they do anything. I’m not sure where you made the ‘having another child’ leap but yes, if he was like that with the first I would have had a very serious conversation about what was going to happen with the second. The blame for this lies with you both, not me for pointing it out. You sound massively defensive and that’s because, I suspect, you know you should have discussed these things earlier and now these behaviours are entrenched and much harder to change.

What a pathetic reply.

OP's h is a lazy shit who is happy to leave parenting and tidying to her. There is no way to excuse this.

Another entitled, selfish, mummy's boy git! No wonder divorce/ separation rate so high. I HAD one like this. He's someone else's problem now and I live a tranquil life.JimHalpertsWife nailed it.x

OP, for practical tips to encourage change (and I say this hopefully helpfully because I definitely would have gone nuclear by now), can you get him to take on one area of responsibility at a time and then build on it?

For example, I need you to clear up after yourself when you have eaten and load the dishwasher...Or I want a lie in one day at the weekend - which day is yours to get up with the kids?

Painful but a change in behaviour takes time and conditioning.

He does sound like a total man child though. And weaponised incompetence is definitely a thing.

When a person behaves like he does, he is telling you things. That he doesn't give a shiny shit if you're happy or not. He prioritises lazing about over doing his fair share, which he is well aware of, and leaves you exhausted....and, he doesn't care.

That is the point. Extrapolating that, that means that you are staying with someone who doesn't love you.

So what are you getting out of this? I can only see negatives

So what are the children getting out of this? Again, only negatives. And a really deeply poor example of what a marriage is which will probably have a horrible impact on their own choices.

So what he is he getting out of this? Well now he is getting a lot. A tidy house, kids being looked after and he has to contribute nothing. And all he has to do every once in a while is gaslight you in to you both pretending you're nagging which will buy him some more time.

This is your choice op and you absolutely won't be alone if you choose the miserable one. But do ask yourself what on earth you're choosing not leaving for.

This is where you need to lose your shit and get real.
He's pathetic and he wouldn’t have been able to get this far living with me.

Tell him to shut the fuck up when he calls you a nag ( doesn’t have to be in those words but he deserves it) and tell him he’s a man child and you are sick of it. You are not a slave for the house and family!!!!

To the person above saying he might not be good in mornings, i’m not great in the mornings, but I drink my coffee and put my grown up pants on because I’m a mum and I have no choice!!!