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Should I say something to ex husband when we meet with kids today...

36 replies

Itsbeginningtolookalot · 31/12/2024 08:07

Found out over Xmas that ex-husband of around a year made a comment to DD 6 months ago. She has refused to see him alone because of some things that happend where he lost his temper. She is with me full time.

I found out he said to her "I can't wait until you are older and I can tell you the truth and you are going to regret being with your Mum".

For context I left because he was emotionally abusive, the only thing I did was left a marriage I was unhappy in, which I have been completely honest with the kids about.

This comment has really got to me and I can't stop thinking about it. We are meeting up today with the kids and just wondering if it's something I should raise with him Infront of the kids? Just really because kids were talking about it the other day and I don't feel like he should get away with saying things like that.

OP posts:
chocolatespreadsandwich · 31/12/2024 08:12

Nope. Grey rock all the way.
You won't gain anything from bringing it up. And your daughter won't feel able to confide in you if you relay it to her dad.
Just quietly know what you know and keep putting the children first

Dinosweetpea · 31/12/2024 08:11

It's not worth it, he will twist is somehow.
Children aren't stupid, they will understand the truth in time. In the meantime you explain the split in a child appropriate way but sounds like your daughter already knows he's in the wrong.

Nc546888 · 31/12/2024 08:11

Don’t mention it in front of the kids!!!

I also likely wouldn’t bother mentioning to him unless you think he’s likely to be helpful , what’s the point??

Mumofteenandtween · 31/12/2024 08:11

Absolutely not. The fact that your dd has told you and it has bothered you will make him happy. Why would you want to make him happy?

Ponoka7 · 31/12/2024 08:11

How old are the children?

SwanSongMoggy · 31/12/2024 08:10

How old is DD?

If he was / is abusive the likelihood is he thrives off your reaction to his behaviour. Like a vampire feeding off your emotions like a parasite. You cannot change him - you can only change your response and your reaction to him...

Focus on yourself and your children. Sounds like your daughter has already worked out who he is...

EdgyWriter · 31/12/2024 08:10

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Loopytiles · 31/12/2024 08:10

I’m sorry your ex is abusive and said that. I wouldn’t bring it up as it’s unlikely he will respond in the way you hope and his reaction could be difficult for you and the DC.

EdgyWriter · 31/12/2024 08:10

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TinyMouseTheatre · 31/12/2024 08:10

I wouldn't, why feed the drama? Have you read up on Grey Rock? It's a term I learned about on MN and had e been using it with a Narc ever since, quire successfully.

EdgyWriter · 31/12/2024 08:09

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