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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset at friends son who keeps hitting mine!

88 replies

AmberSnake · 30/12/2024 23:47

I have a history with a very close friend who’s son (2 years) is currently going through a hitting phase, every meet up he hits / bites / pushes my son (3.5 years) my son doesn’t hit, so he just gets really upset when hers does this. So far we haven’t made a big deal out of it and we just tell my LO “its fine, he doesnt mean it, he’s too young” but today it got to me because enough is enough. When her little one hit mine I told him off (quiet polietly i must add) “no darling please don’t do that again okay?” His mum got quite upset that i told her son off and also said apparently i gave her son dirty looks (which i dont recall but i may have looked upset). I don’t know if i’m right or wrong, i mean even if lets say i gave him dirty looks isnt it about damn time? How many times am i supposed to just let her kid beat mine up? For me i know her son is too young and is porbably just doing it for attention, but on the other side of the spectrum my son goes to nursery and i dont want him to think its okay for other kids to hit him. AIBU? was it rude of me to (polietly) tell her son off and lets just say I gave him a dirty looks? His parents don’t do much other than say no baby we don’t do that. But he keeps doing it again anyway so 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
Haysamosa · 31/12/2024 00:02

I think I would have spoken up too but with him being so young it's probably difficult to relay it to a 2 year old. I would have expected his mum to be the one to have ticked him off.

MajorCarolDanvers · 30/12/2024 23:59

you were not rude. But she certainly was.

Kentuckycriedfrickin · 30/12/2024 23:59

His parents don’t do much other than say no baby we don’t do that. But he keeps doing it again anyway so

You're within your rights to tell him no but it's a bit unfair to say his parents aren't telling him when you've said that they do, they tell him we don't do that.

Lots of kids go through the hitting phase and if he's only 2yrs old then his understanding of right vs wrong will be limited, as will his ability to verbalise his frustrations rather than just lashing out.

If it's bothering you to the point that it's impacting the friendship then you could always suggest meeting up without the children or meet up during the day when yours is at nursery/preschool. This phase doesn't last forever and if she's a good friend the it's not worth falling out over.

Saphire123 · 30/12/2024 23:58

Your friends child will never learn how to behave with other children if his own mother doesn't stop him from hitting.
You were right to tell him to stop.

ShortyShorts · 30/12/2024 23:54

AmberSnake · 30/12/2024 23:53

She’s quite a close friend of mine and she’s really nice overall. I dont want to throw the entire friendship away but in all honesty i dont think what she’s doing is right. If my son wasn’t listening to me i would go ask the other parents to tell him off. I wouldn’t expect the other families to just accept it. But for some reason she’s the one thats upset? Thats why i asked here

I have 3 sons and if they weren't listening to me (as they sometimes didn't at that age), I'd give them one warning and then take them straight home.

Original poster
AmberSnake · 30/12/2024 23:53

She’s quite a close friend of mine and she’s really nice overall. I dont want to throw the entire friendship away but in all honesty i dont think what she’s doing is right. If my son wasn’t listening to me i would go ask the other parents to tell him off. I wouldn’t expect the other families to just accept it. But for some reason she’s the one thats upset? Thats why i asked here

OP posts:
ShortyShorts · 30/12/2024 23:53

“no darling please don’t do that again okay?”

How is that a 'telling off'?

You'd be perfectly within your rights to tell him very firmly, "NO! Do not keep hitting".

Especially in your own home.

If your friend doesn't understand that, you need to stop meeting with the kids.

Theunamedcat · 30/12/2024 23:53

Of course you tell a child no how else will they learn

username299 · 30/12/2024 23:52

If you don't want to ask her to control her child then keep yours away until he's over this phase.

MumChp · 30/12/2024 23:51

Misunderstood gentle parenting?

Of course you can say no to a child in a kind way as you did.
Tbh I wouldn't spend a lot of time with a friend not working on child's behavouir.

AlertCat · 30/12/2024 23:51

I should add, this was when their parents weren’t parenting! But yeah, your friend should have spoken to her son.

loropianalover · 30/12/2024 23:50

Why do you keep meeting up with this friend and her child? Protect your son, stop bringing him into this situation.

AlertCat · 30/12/2024 23:50

No, I was that mum in soft play telling off the other kids with my teachers voice, and I wasn’t sorry if they cried. No kid drags mine around by the back of her jumper (or whatever) and has zero consequence!! You go for it. Kid will get told as soon as he is in childcare setting anyway so he may as well get used to it.