Christmas presents overload

Yes MIL for past 30 years. She asks for a list, I requested 2 things. Which she bought me . … and another 9 things. Which as every year I have given to charity shops or given away as not to my taste. I kept and am using 1 out of the other 9 things. It seems ungrateful but that is around 250 items over the years of unwanted and unneeded gifts. It doesn’t matter what I say or do I just get bought stuff. It’s so wasteful.

@CocoPlum
Argh. All the "tat". I feel you. Our relative who does this is such a nice person and also does get lovely stuff plus "all the tat" so it's hard to complain. Just have to feel zero guilt at taking it all to the charity shop!!!!

It's literally proven to raise our cortisol levels. Surrounded by clutter and an "invisible to do list". Obviously some level of chaos is normal with small children but it can just get to silly levels.
Id prefer to spend money on days out and experiences.

This is a little off topic, but it sounds like your MIL might have a shopping addiction

Its literally in the OP

My (now ex) MIL is the same. So much random stuff. They were very comfortable for money and mine were the only grandchildren so they just bought and bought. I tried asking for season passes to nearby attraction - got those AND all the tat. I tried suggesting they do "something you want/need/wear/read" for the children to limit it to 4 things. They bought the 4 things AND all the tat.
So much of it was age inappropriate or just not of any interest to the kids. The DC would also get too overwhelmed by everything and basically ignore it all.
Her son and I then split up so all the tat now stays at his house.

Ah you literally could be me. My MIL is EXACTLY the same. It's mad. Solidarity.

Yes. We were overwhelmed and now we are drowning in toys. I will be quietly removing some to the charity shop over the next few weeks as there's far too many for our kids to play with and there's no space in the house, it's stopping us from being able to clean and tidy.

With certain people you know they are going to buy stuff no matter what. We live overseas so my MIL cannot buy/send us too much, but I know come Christmas she is going to send a bunch so I try to direct her to things the kids need or want, such as slippers, dressing gowns, hoodies etc.

She is great and happy to take suggestions and asks for links etc.

She will still go to TK Maxx and buy some random stuff but at least most of what she sends is asked for.

Ask them to.put.money aside instead or donate to charity it's ridiculous. People don't need lots of presents.

You're my hero.
Like I said it's all about them.
It's not about the children.

Going ti say it sounds like a spending addiction.
My mil loved quantity over quality
It was all about her ....not the gift receiver.
My dh had no qualms telling her that Tammy would send it all to the charity shop.
She soon stopped
Bil and sil still got bags and bags of tat ....

We managed to persuade the person in our family that used to turn up with a bin bag full of presents for each of our dc, to get us a family annual pass to a local attraction instead. They still got a few things to unwrap, but it did cut things down greatly.

@harlacem0507

We had this in spades - after the first couple of time ( given DC used to spend quite a bit of time with them ) we suggested they keep some at their house to play with when they visited. That seemed to work.

I told my MIL so many times that we just didn’t have the room (plus it was an excessive amount of massive plastic tat that broke after one use & caused upset) … I told her firmly that I would be leaving it at her house if she did it again. She ignored me … so we left the whole lot at her house the next year - as the kids were opening it I said stuff like “oh look that’s going to be fun to play with when you come to Nana’s” & “oh it’s good Nana has space for that as your room is full”.

She hated all the crap in her house and NEVER did it again 😂

This is a little off topic, but it sounds like your MIL might have a shopping addiction. I have Impulse Control Disorder, and addictions like that are part of it. Buying stuff sends a shot of serotonin to her brain and makes her feel really good. It's similar to a gambling addiction. No matter how much she tries to stop, she'll eventually do it again. I make jewelry, so i was able to turn mine into a positive, by buying supplies for my jewelry, selling it, then buying more supplies to replace them. I'm not saying that this is what she has, but that sounds alot like me when it's happening. Just something to consider.

Try talking her into less than a handful of fun toys, and if she feels the urge to spend, perhaps she buy tickets to a family fun day out or an experience.

Suggest an agreed amount that you will gladly accept, and be completely honest about the lack of space and how it makes you feel, and you don’t want spoil your child or waste anything. Then say that anything over the agreed maximum, will be given to charity.

Alternatively, if she’s still not going to change her ways, ask for the receipts, return them and put the money in your child’s savings account. Or even back to her if you don’t feel comfortable with taking that.

Be firm and stand your ground. I would add up approximately just how much she is spending over the years and point out how that could make a such a meaningful contribution to either your child’s future, or her own finances and savings for her future.

Save your money
Don't buy anything yourself
Try to guide her to the presents your children want and ask to return the ones you know they don't want
Try to turn this to your advantage
She could well save you a lot of money

My MIL.

Thankfully she lives a long way away so posts the piles of crap, which gives me and DP the opportunity to open everything, cherry-pick one (1) thing each the DC will like, then donate the rest before Christmas so someone else can benefit. Still a massive pain in the hole but at least it’s not in my house.

If she’s local I think you need to physically show her the result of her actions: invite them over and show the overflowing cupboards, lack of space to move around your own house, etc.

Do a major major declutter this year (it takes time but eventually you can make bank on eBay and Vinted) then start early in autumn with the discussions of what reasonable gifting looks like: for the amount they’re spending could they instead give family tickets to a local attraction that you’re likely to visit on repeat? Where they could come too (even if you don’t want them to, it’s an incentive!).

Text her and thank her for the gifts and ask which gifts she'd like to return and swap for an activity/sports pass. Then mention if she doesn't have the receipt then you'll donate some gifts to charity or a women's refuge.

Then follow through, this method worked with my mum as she didn't like me donating her gifts to charity! We now get an activity pass for the kids which is more useful.

You can always regift the duplicate toys for birthday parties.

Haha! I really hope beat and track is autocorrect!

My Mum is the same. It's hard as it comes from a kind and generous intention. I limited her to three per kid this year, explaining that the kids found it overwhelming. I also said that because she buys so much we can't really buy our own kids anything as there will be too many and that seemed to help. I also reminded her a few times in the lead up. She was a bit annoyed but generally OK with it!

Maybe you could channel her into buying smaller more expensive things? My mother now focuses on charms for a charm bracelet or small pieces of antique jewellery. Takes up less space