Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to bail on NYE plans?

115 replies

clotheshorsess · 30/12/2024 22:56

I made plans today with friends for NYE. They had loose plans to just hang out at a friend's flat. I was very enthusiastic. I agreed to make brownies and spinach dip.
I now don't feel like going. Is it horrible to just make up a random excuse and not go? I already made the food and I was thinking of dropping it off early tomorrow for the group. There will be 9 other people there if I do not go.

OP posts:
O6bftdff · 31/12/2024 02:28

It is exceptionally rude to cancel plans for no reason.

suburberphobe · 31/12/2024 02:28

It seems like a common trope on MN for people to advise 'say you're sick, say this, say that'. Just grow a backbone and tell the bloody truth!

I agree. Keeps relationships authentic.

GreyBlackBay · 31/12/2024 02:28

It's awful to make commitments and not go. Only doing what you want is fine up until you say yes. You'll soon have no friends left if you continue down this path.

Go, try to enjoy it, it'll probably be good unless a load of the others are flakes too. Next year say no, then maybe you can have a last minute change of heart.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 31/12/2024 02:23

Go for an hour and leave saying you are tired if you don’t like it. Last minute cancellations are miserable for the host.

Tikityboo · 31/12/2024 02:17

What has happened in the past when you agreed to go to something, then didnt feellike it but went anyway? How did that pan out?

QueSyrahSyrah · 31/12/2024 02:00

Well it is rude and unfair on the host to drop out last minute once you've committed, but IMO even worse to then lie about it. Have some respect for them and say you're just not feeling like going out if that's the truth of it.

It seems like a common trope on MN for people to advise 'say you're sick, say this, say that'. Just grow a backbone and tell the bloody truth!

OnePeppyDenimHelper · 31/12/2024 01:46

LuckySantangelo35 · 30/12/2024 23:56

@Starseeking

who wants to eat food an ill person has made though??

Show quote history

Yep that's totally weird. Lying and food giving 🤷‍♀️

Mmhmmn · 31/12/2024 01:45

Don’t start a new year doing stuff you don’t want to do.
Everyone gets a few ‘I’ve got the flu’ cards in life and if you don’t want to go, NYE is one of the times you’re well entitled to use one. Do what YOU WANT to do.

Jk987 · 31/12/2024 01:40

Not fair on your friends to just bail.

You don't have to stay the whole night.

ClairDeLaLune · 31/12/2024 00:42

Flaky. What if everyone did that? I hate people who bail for no or pathetic reasons, you’re letting people down. Don’t agree to go in the first place.

miniaturepixieonacid · 31/12/2024 00:41

If I've said I'll do something then I do it barring proper illness or emergency. Partly because I feel really upset, paranoid and rejected when people cancel on me and partly because I am so socially anxious/awkward that if I went with my gut I'd never go anywhere. It works for the best (imo) on two levels - it ensures I have a life and also I just think it's the polite/right way to be.

So, while I agree it's up to you, I think you should go because you said you would and you'll probably have fun. You can always leave fairly early if you don't enjoy it.

Time40 · 31/12/2024 00:30

There will be 9 other people there if I do not go

What make you think that? Suppose they are all like you?

AlwaysTheRenegade · 31/12/2024 00:07

Please can I have the spinach dip recipe? Sounds lovely!

Judd · 30/12/2024 23:58

clotheshorsess · 30/12/2024 23:54

.

Edited
Show quote history

You've misunderstood. Surely the poster means "don't drink, and then drive home"?

LushLemonTart · 30/12/2024 23:58

Just go. You'll probably love it. You're in a rut. They'll be so happy to see you.

devilspawn · 30/12/2024 23:56

It's a bit weird to go to all the effort to drop the food off, especially as it's not anything that's major you've done. I'd just eat it at home and say I thought I was coming down with something and didn't want to risk making everyone ill.

LuckySantangelo35 · 30/12/2024 23:56

Starseeking · 30/12/2024 23:52

If you really don't want to go to the party at least drop off the food you made, be really apologetic and say you're not feeling well.

That way the rest of the partygoers will be aware that you made some effort, instead of just not showing up at all.

@Starseeking

who wants to eat food an ill person has made though??

LuckySantangelo35 · 30/12/2024 23:55

@clotheshorsess Ah I think you should go, OP! I mean, what you gonna do instead? Night in, in front of the telly? You could do that any time! Go and enjoy yourself 🥂 🎉

Original poster
clotheshorsess · 30/12/2024 23:54

PeppyGreenFinch · 30/12/2024 23:43

Then don’t drink and drive hime.

Show quote history

.

OP posts:
Starseeking · 30/12/2024 23:52

If you really don't want to go to the party at least drop off the food you made, be really apologetic and say you're not feeling well.

That way the rest of the partygoers will be aware that you made some effort, instead of just not showing up at all.

BrownBoot · 30/12/2024 23:49

Its obviously up to you but I don’t really get the “barely see them” logic - surely that’s a reason to meet up with them? I don’t really understand why friendships are only deemed valuable if you see each other constantly. You never know, it might lead to more regular meet ups.

MyrtleStrumpet · 30/12/2024 23:47

clotheshorsess · 30/12/2024 23:25

I agree. I feel its good character to stick to ones word and not abandon plans because one doesn't feel like it anymore? I just realllllllly dont feel like it at all.

Show quote history

Have you done this before?

If you're the person who is up for it then bails on the day then you're getting a reputation. You can do this once or twice but after that, you're the flaky one.

If it's your first or second bail, then it might be OK, but I would suggest showing up and if you really can't stand it then leave with a headache after an hour / midnight.

PeachyKeane · 30/12/2024 23:45

I think it's really crap to agree to do something then bail personally.

And you're a long time dead also.

ilovesooty · 30/12/2024 23:43

Raindropskeepfallinonmyhead · 30/12/2024 23:40

Me too - rey not to get myself in these situations any more.

Op you may have to tell a white lie as to why you aren't going.

Show quote history

"white lie"?

Either she lies or she doesn't.

If you said you'd go you should. You don't have to stay for the whole evening if you don't want to I suppose. In future perhaps you'd be able to assess more carefully before you commit yourself.

PeppyGreenFinch · 30/12/2024 23:43

clotheshorsess · 30/12/2024 23:24

When the topic of what is everyone doing on NYE came up on the group chat I was very much YOLO etc. I didn't want to go at all but I've been trying to force myself to be more social and find a balance. I barely see them. I dont mind it I like my quiet life and I have a gym, work, chill routine thats very comforting.

We used to have lots of fun as a group together when we were younger and maybe it's the nostalgia? I also dont fancy getting myself home so late after a few drinks.

Show quote history

Then don’t drink and drive hime.