Partner been talking to ex wife

My ex sister in law's second husband was like this;he tried to ban her from not only communicating with my brother regarding my niece but he also wanted her to not talk to me and my children (she's still their aunt) as well as not talk to my parents.

He cheated on her while she was pregnant with their second child and got the OW prégnant.

Your partner is still into his ex and is projecting his own shady behaviour onto you.

You deserve better.

And when you say "I was married to my ex and have a child with him so it's hard to cut him out too" what does he say
I'd be livid in your shoes. The jealous twattery is absolutely unacceptable. He needs to fucking well stop it completely immediately, and if he finds that hard go get himself some therapy.

Sack that loser!

And he is being extremely unreasonable about the communication you have with your ex over your child. That is absolutely stifling. A serious conversation needs to be had. You have every right to be annoyed and upset OP

How long does he consider to be a long time? I was with my ex for 5 years and have messaged/contacted him precisely ZERO times 🙃 he's messaged me a handful of times and I've never replied. He's permanently left on read 🤣

At bear minimum, he is emotionally cheating regardless of who it is, but especially being that it's his ex that he has no business having any relationship with, let alone a daily emotional relationship. It's definitely reason enough to end things. I would also wonder what else he's up to even though that is enough on its own to be a deal breaker.

Sounds as if he is trying to control you and also maintain some sort of control with his ex as well.
Men like this rarely change, in fact, they can get a lot, lot worse.
You need to be sensible and think about the messages his behaviour is giving your sons. Do you want them growing up thinking jealousy, suspicion and control is normal?

I agree

Your ex is being extremely unreasonable. He's telling you not to be in contact with your ex yet he speaks to his on the daily. Difference with you is that you share a child with your ex so have to be in contact to effectively coparent with him. He has no ties with his ex yet finds it ok to talk to her and expect you to accept it cos they were together for such a long time. What is this man actually bringing to your relationship other than misery and mistrust. Your child will soon pick up on the negatives of the relationship (if he hasn't done so already). Your partner is trying to make things difficult for your child to have a decent relationship with his dad and that isn't fair on either the dad or your son

It sounds as if there are rules for you regarding communicating with your ex & completely different rules regarding your DP communicating with his ex. It's very unfair & controlling on his part.
If they get on so well & message daily why did they split up...very strange, particularly as they do not have a child together.
I can imagine it is difficult when you are caught up in this kind of behaviour particularly as you have a child together. Think carefully about the relationship in general.....is this the only issue or are there other things that bother you or are unfair.
I wish you well OP.

Would you be happy without him?

Well... I'd carry on with chatting to your ex , because your child comes first and foremost , I'd say " I don't mind you chatting to your ex , that's fair but if you are cheating we are done ".

He doesn't suffer with severe jealousy - it's not migraines or a weak stomach. He has full control over his feelings and actions and instead of acting reasonable he acts controlling, childish, and spiteful.

And he also talks to his ex everyday. Please OP see him for who he is.

Noooo.

This just stinks of hypocrisy from your DP.

You've every right and actually owe it to your child you coparent with, to do just that, he's absolutely no reason to contact his ex, but, you do, yet he resents you doing it.

I can understand jealousy, but....... this, he gets to put these rules out that he not only doesn't follow himself, he messages her everyday, with absolutely no need.

It's up to you what you do, but this, i couldn't be dealing with the double standards, or, the control.

He’s controlling, a liar, hypocritical, likely unfaithful, obstructive in the best of your child… he sounds like a great catch.

You’re right, he’s projecting. It’s perfectly fine if he wants to be friends with his ex wife as long as it’s not sexual in nature. I assume you trust that isn’t the case.

He doesn’t have any thing to say about your communication with the father of one of your children. He shouldn’t be getting involved with that.

You’re right to end it if you want, but I understand you have a child with him. Perhaps ask him if this is the hill he wants your relationship to die on and how he will feel in the future when there is another man in your life and that man takes issue with your communication with him and he doesn’t know what’s going on in his child’s life.

Give him the option of getting help and dealing his his jealousy and staying out of your business - or experiencing it from the other side.

Love he doesn't 'suffer' with jealousy.

He is wielding it as a weapon.

Oh I do want to hear his justifications.

He doesn't even have a dc with his ex. So you have a million times more reason to communicate with yours. Are you sure you want to be with this person. He sounds controlling, jealous, manipulative and deceitful

But you should be bothered. You should be concerned he feels he needs to contact her on a daily basis. He is telling her the things he should be sharing with you. She has become or remained his emotional support. It's called emotional cheating. He won't think anything of it as he's possibly not physical cheating but might only be a matter of time. Regardless of all this, how he behaves towards you is not on and shouldn't be accepted

"My current partner suffers from severe jealousy"

You'd have been justified ending it just for that. In fact, you'd have been reasonable to end it for any reason whatsoever.

You don't need any reason more than "I don't want to be in a relationship with you any more". You don't need to justify it, to yourself, to him, to anyone.

I would have serious doubts about this relationship long term. Whether your DP likes it or not you need to cultivate and maintain a good relationship with your Ex as this bodes good harmony for your DS which is important, actually both DS as regardless of father family peace is important to all. Well done for that as many find that very difficult.

Your DP is confused at best, to be in daily contact with an ex where there are no reasons to (children or outstanding assets etc), smells a bit of a rat especially the classic hiding his phone. Be cautious and I think something will come to a head eventually. Make sure you remain the leader in all this and keep your head above the unfolding drama.

Consider taking your time in future relationships, I would be wary of any future commitments too soon with who you choose as a partner next. Just look after you and your DS’s. There maybe choppy waters ahead they will need you to help them navigate.

For me he shows you all messages and displays an understanding of why you are upset.

I fear though you are just going to go round in circles. He justifies his behaviour with the exact opposite argument as to why you shouldnt contact your ex. He refuses - it would appear - to acknowledge that if you doing it upsets him then him doing it is logically going to upset you. Clearly there may be no real reason for either of you to be upset by the messages.

Big question is how otherwise is your relationship? Can you cope with his insecurity about your relationship with your ex - can you put up with this?

Do you know what you want? Him to cease all contact? Him to show you his phone.

It's really easy on here for us all to say it would be a deal breaker for us. Reading your post I would be concerned that it shows a trait in him that is concerning though .

My advice would be to carefully consider next steps. If you feel this may fester - and sounds like you do - then start to think about what splitting up looks like. You don't have to do it. Just may sure you are in as strong a position - know account numbers etc.

Tell him as clearly as you what you want to happen. Try not to be vague. You have said that if it wasn't for his attitude you wouldn't be bothered by his messaging but you need to perhaps agree boundaries - once a day or something - for both of you . He needs to say what will work for him.

You are right to be put out.

What a hypocrite, how dare he?!

Your relationship with DP sounds extremely unhealthy. Since you have a child together, it’s difficult to simply say LTB, but you should be considering your options.
It all sounds a bit toxic, and if your kids are picking up on this, it needs to be addressed either through counselling or a parting of ways.

Nothing to do with jealousy and everything to do with control…