To not want Dd to grow up and to feel down about what life will be like

I think you have to make sure you don't let fear of the future taint your enjoyment of now. I do actually think your struggle to have a child and unfulfilled wish for more children is preventing you from from fully enjoying the very thing you waited so long for. I don't know whether some talking therapy could help with that, but maybe worth thinking about?

I literally already miss my boy when he's gone off to uni and gets a wife. And he's 2.
This is one of the reasons I'm working part time until he's at school so that I can get this magical time with him!

I think it's natural to sometimes wish you could stop time and just stay at a stage where everything seems perfect/easy. But for most people, it's just a fleeting wistfulness. If it's more than that, and you feel that even having your 6 year old's friends over at your house is robbing you of time you could spend with her as just a family unit then I do think that's something that might need addressing perhaps?

Do you work or do volunteer work, participate in hobbies outside the home, regularly socialise with your DH and with your friends without your daughter being present?

If the answer is no, then it's time to start changing that right now. Your dd is no longer at the very dependent baby/toddler stage. At 6, she's now old enough for you to start having a life outside of her again and this is very important to do for her sake as well as yours. As others have said, it's about the quality of time spent with her, not the quantity.

If you don't have a thriving life outside of her, then in the future, it's less likely you'll have the close relationship you crave as she's likely to pull away from a mother who's made her the be all and end all of her life, it's just too much pressure.

This is all said with the best of intentions. Your role is to help her to grow into the best person she can be, and one way of doing that, is by letting her see that you're a well adjusted, balanced individual capable of balancing motherhood with having your own identity and life. Be a great role model for her!🙂

From the perspective of someone who has two grown up daughters both in their early thirties now.

They now live two and one hours drive away from us, and have their own lives which includes partners and my grandchildren. I also have interests that don’t relate to the girls, and of course because of the distance we live from each other I don’t see them all the time.

Having said that though I think we still have a close but different relationship to when they were children.

We do talk everyday albeit through the medium of Messanger!

Mother and daughter trips to the theatre, cinema, spa days are still arranged.

Family holidays ( over and above holidays with my husband) are still taken two are planned for 2025 to Euro Disney and Center Parcs. We did both of these with the girls when they were little and can now introduce my grandsons to them. It’s a bit like a re run of the girls childhood!

I would just say each stage of their lives has bought challenges and rewards but I wouldn’t change a day.

You have your whole lifetime left with DD, and your relationship will change as she gets older and becomes an adult, but this isn’t a bad thing! You have lots to look forward to.

However, I’ll say this gently - you do need to have a life outside your DD too. When she’s busy with friends as a teen, goes to uni etc you need to be able to function without her. Do you have friends/hobbies? Do you and DP do things together without her? If you don’t have a life outside of her you will struggle as she gets older and also it’s an unhealthy/smothering dynamic for her as well.

My autistic 14yo likes a lot of personal space. We don't have a large overlap of mutal interest. He's not a get-out-of the house person like me. We're very different.

We're both happy that I can get out of the house and do stuff and not automatically have to lug him out to do it.

But I love him and I'm enjoying this stage. When he comes to me, it's precious. It's quality not quantity. He's taller than me now and I like to remind him embarrasingly that he's still my wickle baby and he'll still be my wickle baby when he's 6ft tall (It avenges the patronising staring down over my head!)

I used to teach and I still do a lot of volunteering with youth groups. I've always seen childhood as a transition from babies to adults and a parent's job is to guide them through that with love. It's never meant to stay static or dependent (unless additional needs are involved, and that's something that additional needs parents often find grinding) Helicoptering and holding children back doesn't help them to blossom.

As much as I give to my DCs, I've also kept some of myself. That's had to adapt for practical reasons, but I'm still a complete person and that's of benefit to the DCs, both in the present where we share a hobby and it makes me more interesting as a person rather than being their service human, and long term when they go to live independently, they can have their full life, and I'll still have a full life too. Hopefully with mutual space for each other! But we'll be wanting to do that rather than it being about duty and filling a void.

I definitely look back and miss the days when dds were young and we did parks and soft play etc. Or dancing around the lounge to the frozen soundtrack for the millionth time that day.

However now they are 16 and 12, both have different interests. They come to things I've introduced them too and I've tried out things they enjoy (and find myself loving!)

At home we watch TV, films, read, play games, video games (which I am so bad at!), bake, chat or do creative things.

We go to museums, art galleries, gardens, castles, zoos, comicons/conventions, gigs, musicals and shows. We also love a charity shop or Carboot day! We do have times where its like they are little again when we find an empty park or play area far from home!!

I'm very grateful that they want to spend time with me in their teens. Maybe because I was young when I had them I took them to all the things I enjoyed or wanted to do so they experienced my wide and varying range of interests through the years! 🤣

It's definitely good that you're thinking about it now, because you need to build your own interests and self-care in too. It's not healthy to build your entire life on and around one single person and literally nothing else, no matter who that person is. My friend sadly went through this when her child unexpectedly died age 4 and the relationship with the father didn't make it either.

Too many people don't think ahead and are left with nothing and feel very lost. Whereas others have learned a language and are excited for retirement to spend significant time in that country, or have a group of amazing friends from their local sport/exercise interest, or can develop their love of baking into a cookbook and youtube channel or whatever.

My daughter's 14. She likes her own space in the house, either in her room or watching TV undisturbed. However, we still do lots of family things. Yesterday we all had a day out which was lovely. Today I took her shopping in the city, tomorrow we're going out for lunch.
I find she's much more chatty and engaged if we take her out. At home she likes to be left alone a lot, but if we take her out, she'll happily chat away non-stop. I love our family holidays for this reason.
So yes, it's different. Yes she spends a lot of time with friends, but it's still nice. We're still a family.

Yes! She says that as well! I bought her a mug for Christmas with "Spill the tea!" written on it, especially for that purpose! 😂

Mine would come flying in and say “Mum! Have I got some tea to spill”

The slang they come up with is a whole new language! 😂

And you'd miss out on the 18 year old saying "Shall we go for a drive? I've got loads of gossip to tell you!"

Each stage brings it’s own highs and lows and you need to be able to enjoy each stage for what it is.

It’s never boring that is for sure! Always lovely new memories around the corner.
If they were tiny 4yos forever I think we’d get fed up of the constant “why?” And “teddy wants a chocolate biscuit too..”

We would miss out on the 7yo saying “look mummy! I drew a giraffe-zebra-unicorn with wings on my bedroom wall…because flying giraffe unicorns with stripes should be real”

You are literally just starting the ‘nice age’ OP. Don’t worry, you have loads to look forward to.
Having fun holidays, having real conversations, playing games, watching her in her school play or sports match, see her make friends, watch how she comes to you for help.

Believe me, it’s just beginning.

The first comment on the thread raised to you how she'll go on to have boyfriends and grandkids etc and I'm telling you this isn't a given so don't pin your hopes on it as many parents do.

While I do think a lot of these feelings are part and parcel of being a parent, don't let this worry rob you of your enjoyment of life.

I don't mean to sound heartless, but you guys could be even closer when she's a teen, or life may take a different turn, take nothing for granted and waste no time on what may never come to pass.

Trust me - this year I've lost two close family members suddenly and I'm battling an aggressive cancer. I look back at my "worries" and laugh inwardly!

I understand how you feel but I think you need to put those thoughts to the back of your mind and enjoy the here and now. I remember feeling sad when my children were small and felt time was flying past too quickly. I have always worked full-time so life was pretty hectic and it never felt as if there was enough time.

BUT ...

Honestly, every age they have been has been fantastic. Although I thought I'd miss things like going to the park when they got bigger, I didn't because we just did other, more exciting and interesting stuff. They're young adults now and both at university and honestly, I don't miss when they were small because I love the age they are now. I love watching them grow up and seeing them explore the world and have amazing adventures and experiences.

To add this is something I've found common among friends who are only children (I'm an only child aswell) many of us are questioning it we even want marriage or kids but there feels to be a greater pressure to have these things because we're only children when we don't owe it to our parents so don't expect these things either

I think this is a very normal feeling OP. I remember feeling like that a few years ago in my early 40s. But the feeling has (somewhat) faded now - suspect peri menopause has played a part.

You're very fortunate to have enjoyed your dds early childhood to the max - for a lot of people, especially those with more than one, it can be quite a slog where you're essentially praying for bedtime most days! 😂

There was always something to enjoy at every stage of my dcs' lives. They are currently 18 and 21.

I would suggest that you cultivate and keep aside a part of yourself that is separate from your dd because it is inevitable that when she gets older, her friends will become as important if not more important than you.

That is because she is safe in the knowledge that you always have her back whilst she spreads her wings and learns to gain independence as an adult.

There will come a time when she prefers to holiday with her friends and boyfriend and less with her parents. My plan is to bribe them to come on holiday with dh and I. At their age, freebies are pretty popular. Sometimes, we even pay for their friends (e.g. we pay for a double room that they share with a friend).

So keep working at your job if possible. Teenagers and young adults are expensive.

Your children growing up isn't a process of loss, it's one of gain. Because all the time they are gaining new layers for you to discover and enjoy. Their emerging personalities, their wit, the opinions and perspectives that are all their own, the things they know that you don't and teach you, the new people they bring into your life. The constant adding of new experiences as they become old enough to enjoy them. Mine are adults now, and while their childhood was precious, nothing compares to having the fabulous people they've become in my life. You have much to look forward to.