It's too late, right?

Oh come ON! 😂You MUST know that wasn't at all the point of what I was saying! It was a way of illustrating how "not average and usual" having a baby is when you're 40, as other people have suggested on this thread.

If you really took from that that it's about how one looks compared to other mothers then I'm not sure you should be posting any advice or opinion at all.

OP, please read ‘The Impatient Woman’s Guide to getting pregnant’ by Jean M Twenge. It’s so informative and very positive and empowering.

Basically, your chances of conceiving within a year are 82%, whereas a 25 year old’s chances are 92%… we’ve been lied to. Your chances of pregnancy every month are more like 40% than the 5% you are led to believe.

So read the book and take on board her suggestions like taking Co-Enzyme Q-10 supplements to increase your fertility. Track your cycles, take ovulation predictor kits and take basal body temperature to find out when you will ovulate and AIM to do the deed in the 2 days before ovulation.

I conceived within 4 cycles at the age of 37, there’s no reason it should be any different for you x

Age of mortality in Uk is (in most places) over 80, but that still leaves OP’s kid potentially losing their dad when they’re well under 30.

I see so many threads where all the focus is on how the parents will cope and the effect on the child is barely acknowledged, so it's great to see an OP putting the hypothetical child first.

Personally, my dad being older wasn't an issue while he was alive. He was very knowledgeable and wise and I never gave his age much thought. Losing him so young destroyed me though, especially as I had no relationship with extended family.

You say you have no family, does your DH?

I think for you at 40 it's fine but not with your DH being over 50, I say this from a place of experience; my dad was 73 when he passed away earlier this year, his youngest (my sister) is only 26, I'm 32 & I know people in their 50's who's parents are still alive and I am insanely jealous.
My sister would always say how she remembers our dad not being able to do a lot with her as a child because of his age and age related health problems. Luckily he had 3 children so we have each other now he is gone - your child won't have that & that's something you really need to think about.
We grew up without a mother though, but what if something happens to you? Would your DH be able to be a single parent as an old man? My dad struggled so much, worked two jobs, kept getting taken to hospital because he just ran himself into the ground.

Really think about it

She did say DH is definitely onboard.

Chromosomal abnormalities in particular

In my country the average age is over 70. Im not sure if the UK is different.

First baby at 42, second at 44 ... best decision I ever made

But this simply isn’t true, age of mortality is decreasing across the country (in some demographics and locations more than others). It’s unarguable that if you’re an older parent your children are more likely to be younger adults when you die. My dd has already experienced her father nearly dying when she was 10 and he was a fit 50yo at the time. It’s not irresponsible to consider the increasing health concerns that come with age. Even very healthy people- the guru of Ashtanga yoga recently passed at 52 from a heart attack. Had he had a child at 40, that child would have lost their dad at the age of 12, and nobody would suggest that’s ideal! Yes, I know anyone can succumb at any age but the risks do increase as we get older.

Westwardho is right. Life expectancy is no longer increasing and has reduced in many areas post pandemic. However aside from this I think 50 is too old to start a family. It’s also a massive generational gap between parent and child. Not to mention how much more likely you are to develop health conditions in your 60’s when you would still have a primary school aged child.

I think OP that if you are considering having a baby, you always have to be prepared for the possibility of having a disabled child/ending up as a carer.

A child can be born with an unexpected disability to a parent of any age. Any child can go on to develop a disease which leaves them disabled. Any child can go on to have an injury or be involved in an accident which leaves them disabled.

When you decide to become a parent, you are accepting that you will love your child no matter what. And that you will hold their hand on their life's path, wherever that path may go.

Of course the risks increase with age, but the numbers are actually still pretty low. Let's pick autism as an example - the risk for OP would increase to 56 children in 10,000. This compares to 34 children in 10,000 for younger parents. There's an increase, but not wildly higher.

Any child can end up needing lifetime care. You just never know. And if you're not prepared to provide that, you shouldn't become a parent, regardless of how young/old you are.

And I say all this as the parent to two autistic DC, who I gave birth to aged 34. Twins - DS has high needs and will be at home with me for life. DD might live independently eventually, but not looking likely right now. So I know what life is like with two disabled teenagers who are still fully dependent, and one still in nappies.

Yes, it can be hard. But I wouldn't ever go back and change my decision to have children. They make everything worthwhile. I love them to bits.

The increase in risk - not just for autism but for everything - isn't crazy high at age 40. If you feel the urge to try for a baby and become a mum at age 40, I can't see any reason not to give it a go.

Go for it!

My DH was early 50s when our second DC was born. There was a whole range of ages at the school gates. He certainly didn't stick out as being an older dad. Mums of all ages too.

Crack on and live a life of no regrets. x

Haven't RTFT but I've read your reposnses. I don't think it's too late. My dad was in his 50s, mum in her early 40s when I was born. I'm early 40s with 2 children under 5. As a child I was occasionally embarrassed at my parents being mistaken for my grandparents, and I'm sad I lost them both before I turned 40, but I couldn't have wished for better parents, and I know people who's young mums died in childhood so age is no guarantee.

From a parenting point of view, it's exhausting and I don't get into the energetic play like I did with friends children when I was younger, or like the younger mums we do play dates with will do. Flip side is I've finally got the money for a cleaner / childcare / nice things and experiences. The children (and us parents) have security we wouldn't have had in our 20s or early 30s and I'm at a career point where I can go part time without worrying about progression and have a great work life balance. I've also done LOTS of living in my youth and love mynmain focis being the kids and feel like I've missed out on nothing. I've got lots of mum friends my age with children similar age so I think it's a lot more common these days. It might be harder TTC at this age so maybe just let nature take it's course and see what happens. Good luck x

Kitteninabasket what do you mean ? I lost my Dad when I was 28 and I was very much a support for my mother when he died ...

Also consider risk of twins+ and complex pregnancy at advanced maternal age.

OP, also think about whether you can handle SN. You will get many ill- informed posters saying all parents have to consider that, but the chances rise with age, no.matter what posters are saying about male sperm being good till 75. That's all anecdata. Look at the data.

Wouldn't it be lovely for you in years to come to have the company and support of your child if anything did happen to your husband

That's a really warped way of thinking. There are things I could say to that, but I think I'd better not.

I say go for it! I read all your posts and you sound like you and DH will make great, loving parents. You’ve thought it all through, you have time and money, you’re fit and healthy. My friend was 45 when she had her second and all was fine.
I think you will always wonder if you don’t - but get going soon if you go ahead. Best of luck.

Had my children at 42 and 44. All good. It is not too late. If you can employ a nanny then do so- the early days can be tough and you will need to make sure you can rest. Otherwise no, I was somewhat unusual, but not the only 40 something mother at the infants school at all.

A lot of people are living longer and if you are healthy it tends to keep increasing.

You’re very welcome. It’s a huge decision and it’s very easy for people to tell you to “go for it” when the only people who have to live with the repercussions are you and your bloke. You need to make the decision with your eyes open.

It’s not just about reproducing though is it. What about the next 20 years of parenting?

Maybe they were run over by that bus that keeps knocking over 30 something parents.

I don't want to laugh in case karma comes for me!