It's too late, right?

Excuse me, my DH is 53 and we have a 4 year old DD. He doesn't look like her grandfather! 😳😖 I had her aged 38 and she is our youngest, so a bit harder work but definitely not too old.

What a piggish outlook!

From what you’ve described, it sounds like you and DH are probably in better health (and a much better financial position) than many younger parents. More
money means less stress overall and the ability to buy in as
much help as you like. Being older and wiser can be a good thing - having more life experience and patience, enjoying the moment and the different stages if it’s an only DC (big fan of onlies here, have one myself).

Basically, things are never perfect. Each pregnancy is a roll of the dice and you can never really know how things will go. But, I suppose if you don’t roll that dice, you’ll never find out. I had my DC mid-30s - after never having so much as a twitch of maternal feeling my entire life, the desire for a baby hit me overnight, like a tonne of bricks. And thank the gods it did, because 16 yo DC is the best thing I ever, ever did. It gives me shivers to think that, if it wasn’t for ‘the hormones’ my DM banged on about for years, she wouldn’t be here.

As a side note regarding old parents, my DF was supposed to be the menopause. His DM was 52 when she became pregnant with him. It was during WW2 and one of his older brothers, who was home on leave, patted her tummy and made a comment about their being “another one in there”. He was whacked with a tea towel and got a flea in his ear - but he wasn’t wrong! Sadly that brother never met DF as he was killed in action - but my DF was an utter delight of a man. He way step-dad in reality, but we adored each other. He was kind, calm, amazingly skilled in anything practical and like a magnet when it came to kids or animals. You
literally couldn’t leave him outside a shop for a few
minutes before a random toddler was showing him their socks or a cat had mooched up for a stroke. Kindness radiated from him and I still miss him every day. Older parents did him no harm whatsoever and I’m certain he
wouldn’t have changed a thing.

Best of luck with it all.

Not to late I had my last two children at 41 and 44.

I know plenty of women who have had babies in their 40s. It is not too old at all. I would say that youre DP will feel it more than you at 52, my DH is early 50s and we have a 6 and 10 year old and he struggles with the energy the kids have, running around a park playinf football with them just doesn't happen. But there are clubs for that. Just be realistic about the type of parents you can be, older parents have a lot to offer that younger ones don't and vice versa.

No, but get a move on.

@GlomOfNit nothing to do with the thread but wanted to say I love your UN! got a Band with Rocks In tour shirt for Xmas!

I think 52 is far too old. He'd look like their grandad. And at that age, more likely to be a grandad rather than a dad for good reason. I think him having to pick up a toddler from nursery in his mid 50s or going to sports day at school in his 60s or watching his child graduate in his 70s is just embarrassing tbh.

A friend had two children with a 55 year old man, both issue free and gorgeous kids. Obvs think through implications of if he died when they were youngish etc, could you cope? Money helps. I say do it!

I had my first (and only) at 39. It’s not too late but the risks of pregnancy being harder on the body (mine was, and not sure I will ever recover fully) and issues with the child (mine is fine and wonderful but there is an increased risk) are real. Having a child is also very very all consuming and in some ways I think this is harder for those of us who have been child free and not had to have the relentless 24/7 toll of caring in our adult lives Mine is also a terrible sleeper and so literally years without sleep on top of not being able to see friends and do career stuff as easily and really at all is taking its toll. With age this also means that’s it for most of your healthy adult life. By the time child is 20s you will be 60s and no longer young - with your DH in his late 70s. That’s a lot for child to bear. But I also think motherhood is a rewarding experience and one I am glad to have. I wouldn’t have another though. The costs (financial emotional physical mental) are too much.

I don't think that's fair at all. The PP was just saying that people need to be prepared for the challenges that come with having a child experiencing additional needs and to be aware of that as a possibility.

Many people don't want a child with disabilities (not saying that the PPs feel this).That is exactly why it's not very common these days to see people living with trisomy 21, even though the rate of births to women 35-plus, 40-plus, and 45-plus have skyrocketed. In October 2020, the BBC reported that 90 percent of people whose ante-natal testing showed a high-risk for trisomy 21 opted for a termination. So, negative attitudes to disabilities definitely exist, but I don't think the PP said anything wrong!

You're nearly 50 and really know the status of every single person in your 6th form? Blimey. Did none of you move away from where you went to 6th form and you all see each other down the pub? I can't even remember half the names of the people in mine, and the ones I do remember the names of have probably either changed their name via marriage or have never joined FB. I occasionally remember someone and look them up but they seem to have vanished without a trace. For all I know they've been dead for the last 20 years.

Are you comfortable sharing why you feel that way? I'm really interested!

It's not too late. DH and I had our first child at 40 after being happily childfree for a decade. Like you the hormones hit me. For what it's worth, I conceived naturally the first month of trying. My DH is the same age as me though. We're both bloody knackered now in our mid-forties, I can't imagine having to parent until I'm 70 (and beyond). Both of my parents had dementia by that age.

Think about the child in this scenario. As the daughter of old parents - mum 8 years younger than dad but both older, I would never have a child at your/ your husbands age

Hear, hear!!

I wouldn’t do it for a whole host of reasons, and I’m speaking as someone who did do it at 42.

How dare you say this to someone about their kid. Your comments here are deeply arrogant and incorrect. “High chance of autism”. The word you are looking for is increased. Many people are autistic and living fine lives independently.

Not necessarily too late no. I had mine (naturally/unassisted) at 39 (few months shy of 40) and 45, easy pregnancies and healthy children. Fertility is very personal but what would give me greater pause is that you have been - presumably happily - child free for such a long time. Which would make me wonder whether its really what you want or hormones. Good luck.

So you've gone from wanting none, to three? Pace yourself!

Personally I think your husband is too old. No matter how wonderful he may be, parenting is absolutely knackering and relentless. I really don't think he will have the energy or stamina. Running around after a toddler at 55? No thanks.

I wouldn’t have thought so, not at 52.

When I was 30, I got pregnant - with now DH - was in a stable relationship, had a home, had everything going for us, but I never wanted children, seriously never wanted them, so had a termination.

42 - BANG - hormones - got as broody as a person could be. I was like WTF? Its was a really stressful time for me , suddenly wanting to have a baby at that age, I really started to beat myself up for the termination , I was all over the show for months. Then as I moved through the peri menopause, the feelings subsided

Im 60 now, and Im as adamant now as I was back when I was 30. I didnt want children and Im glad I listened to my head and not my body

Just that wee wobble, hormone changes as we hit peri menopause . In my day it was talked about as the body knowing childbearing days were coming to the end and it giving you your last chance

OP yes - it could well just be a last surge of hormones and will pass. I know a few women this has happened to. It did pass.

As a counter to all the ardent MNers saying 'oh but there IS still time, of course you can!' - ask yourself, should you? You are much more likely to have complications and possibly a baby with a congenital condition with your ageing eggs and your husband's ageing sperm. Nobody wants to hear this but it's absolutely true - as women, we should probably try getting our babies in when we're in our early 20's (about the time we're forging the starts of our careers) and then soon afterwards really killing it in our chosen careers. Instead, we wait it out until we're starting to get somewhere in work, and then pull the plug, even if just for a year or two. I had mine when I was 34 and 37 and I really, really wish I'd done it ten years earlier. I've never resumed my career (my fault entirely), I'm exhausted and my younger son has very high needs that will be with him all his life. I'm 51 and perimenopause is hitting hard. I don't have the bloody energy for a wired autistic boy with LDs!! (and neither does DH though at least he'll never experience the menopause.)

Your partner is over 10 years your senior. So in his 60's he'll be parenting a child in primary school and supporting you through perimenopause. In his 70's he'll be supporting a teenager going off to university.

As another poster adroitly commented, 'wanting a baby' is a transitory thing. They're not babies very long! (Long enough in some parents' experience...) You then get a feisty toddler, an energetic school starter, all the tempests of friendship dynamics, the after-school sports and clubs, the hormones and puberty tantrums, the exams angst (that never lets up, BTW) and first relationships... I'm not saying that none of this brings joy and fulfilment as a parent - it really does! - but it also requires energy.

This is an interesting (and lovely!) post. Have you considered adoption? My wife was 43 when our son came home, but we are far from the eldest parents in our little adoption support group. We're definitely part of the older parent crowd at our son's nursery (I'm 39) but we've never felt out of place. Plenty of women have babies in their 40s, but obviously it's much harder to conceive then. The adoption process is difficult, but you do know that at the end you'll very likely become a family of 3 (or more). That isn't necessarily the case with trying to birth a biological child. Something to consider!

Its not too late physically, although there is no denying that it may well be more difficult.

My concern is how you describe your life.

You talk about doing other things, your hobbies etc it makes me think that you have your life all sorted out in a way that you and your husband love and are happy with.

A baby will change all of that in ways you cannot begin to understand. Hobbies will always go by the wayside (no matter what we convince ourselves.....and no you wont have time to write a book on maternity leave, a common delusion!) and often one partners (usually the woman, lets face it) hobbies/downtime suffers far more than the others and the resentment starts. That then adds to the fact that a baby throws a hand grenade into any marriage, no matter how strong. The early days/weeks/months/years are HARD. Some people hit lucky and dont find it too bad, but many do just because of the normal stuff like sleep deprivation, illnesses, trying to do all that you used to do AND take care of this new needy creature as well. Arguments, stress, anger, upset, it all happens. Its normal and it does pass but its hard.

The people who, in my admittedly anecdotal experience, found adjusting to parenthood hardest are the ones who had everything sorted. They thought that a baby would simply slot in when in fact a baby changes almost everything.

I get the need, I really do. I had 6 so yes, I do get the visceral physical need, but having a baby is the tiniest part of giving your whole life over to parenting.